I have to keep telling myself, “Playing the lottery is NOT a good investment strategy.”

I’ve got a monkey on my back, y’all and his name is Mega Millions.

You know how every 17-about-to-be-18 year old says, “Oh, as soon as I turn 18, I’m going to go buy some cigarettes, visit a strip club, (register to vote, hopefully), and buy some lottery tickets.” Well, that was me five years ago.

I didn’t do any of that except register to vote. (What can I say? It’s my civic duty.)

I bought my first Mega Millions ticket earlier this year when I was pregnant with my second kid and living with my husband and daughter in the place the size of a dorm room. No, really. We did live in a college dorm.

We had to get out of there fast, and being pregnant didn’t help. Sooo, when I saw the neon lights advertising that “Mega Millions jackpot: $150 million” I was drawn in and glided toward the counter.

I didn’t even know how to buy tickets, so I just held out a dollar and said, “I want to play.”

The cashier looked at me and said,”Play what?”

“Mega Millions.”

“How much?”

“Um…a dollar?” Didn’t she see I was holding a dollar? Just give me my ticket!

We did the exchange and I went home giddy as hell. Ooh, I’m ’bout to be rich, I told myself.

When I didn’t get a match on any numbers, I was so deflated. I’m still poor. Damn.

But then the next Tuesday I found myself at the same counter, with the same exchange.

And then that Friday.

I took a break from playing while I was on maternity leave (well, my husband bought the tickets). But now that I’m out and about again, it just keeps calling me, man. IT.JUST.KEEPS.CALLING.ME!!!

I have to tell myself, “Self, the Mega Millions is not a sound investment strategy.”

Then the devil on my right shoulder says, “Have you SEEN the stock market lately? Is THAT sound?”

Angel:  “But it will rebound – eventually. It always does.”

Devil: “But her babies need food and stuff now. If she wins this, she won’t ever have to work again. That means more time with the babies.”

Angel: “Hmmm, he has a point, Tara. Put $5 on it this time!”