I don’t pretend to know everything that’s going on with Jon and Kate Gosselin. 
But I have some ideas and while they might not like their marriage troubles being broadcast in the public, that’s the price you pay when you sign up for a reality show and pose on the covers of Good Housekeeping, Ladies’ Home Journal and People magazine.
To me, the problem seems obvious. Kate, an ambitious woman even before she had kids, had twins (double the work) and when she wanted just one more child, got blessed with sextuplets.
I don’t know the pyschology behind becoming a mama of multiples, but it’s got to have some effect on your brain. You have more kids than you have arms and they all have the same level of need at the same time. How do you manage to meet all their needs without losing yourself?
Kate was no longer just “Kate” – she was Kate Plus 8 and she had a desire to be more than that.
She liked the attention she received from the show and being able to author a few books and give moms advice on organizing gave her personal fulfillment. She had career goals beyond being a stay-at-home mom and in some sort of divine intervention, being overwhelmed with eight kids gave her the opportunity to shine. 
Then there’s Jon. Younger than Kate when they hooked up, he was sort of wandering and aimless, backpacking through Europe after dropping out of school. After he got together with Kate, they both said they were the couple you love to hate – the “I love you more” kind.
But the stress of eight kids can wear on anyone and with two clashing personalities, conflict is bound to arise and fester. Kate didn’t have time to work on how she spoke to Jon – she was too busy trying to keep eight kids alive. And Jon never got to assert himself or take the reins in the household because Kate was always two steps ahead of him, trying to make sure the house didn’t fall into disarray.
The classic line – “We’re growing in different directions” – could easily apply to them. But the good news is that their relationship isn’t beyond repair.
The rumors of infidelity and maintaining their marriage for the sake of the show could certainly be true. But what they have (or had) at the core of their marriage was solid. If they can strip away all the gunk that poisons their love (insufficient communication, loss of respect, incompatible views on marriage), I think they can pull through.
What do you think? Will you be watching tonight when “Jon and Kate Plus 8” premieres it’s fifth season? Do you think they should address their marriage troubles or focus on the kids? Or – should they quit the show altogether? Discuss it in the comments…
This is a good one and a tough one. You’re right about what happens when you choose to put your life “out there” in a reality tv show. I’m not knocking them for doing it because they were original AND I’m pretty sure the show helps feed and cloth the family. However, the show did really show us how the stress of having multiples really did strain their marriage and all the things that you mentioned are right on. They looked extremely happy on their wedding video and now they are more like coworkers that husband and wife.
I think if they do continue the show, they will definitely have to address and work on their marriage and the kids simultaneously. Everything is out now and if they don’t address “the marriage” then there might not continue to be a show anyway because #1 Viewers like drama/viewers will want to continue to get a real perspective of their lives and #2 there might not be a marriage at all if they don’t. I’m pulling for them.
I think as you said the problem is Kate. I will not tune in tonight because they really don’t need anymore viewers. I am sure having multiples is very overwhelming, but she has to know it’s time to stop. Jon has to know it’s time to stop.
If she would let her husband do his job and be the head of the house their marriage could be so much better. I think Jon is ready to quit the show, but Kate won’t allow it. Yes the show has clothed and fed them, and I have watched from the beginning. It’s not enjoyable to watch anymore. Maddy(one of the twins) always looks unhappy.
If they can afford a 1.3million dollar home, then they should have plenty of money in the bank. $75,000 an episode!? Yes, you can stop now and focus on your family. I think it’s wrong for them to continue showing the world their marriage problems and any other problems they may have. It’s about the children, I think it’s time for them to stop filming and start being a mother and father to their 8 kids and husband and wife to one another. Trips, clothes, big houses mean nothing if you lose your family over it.
@Darcel – I don’t think it’s the fact that he can’t be head of the household. I think he isn’t comfortable with the eight kids and knows it’s a lot of responsibility and Kate’s personality suits that role. He’s never been the take charge, fix it now type of guy and he got belittled for it. I think Kate just needed to show a bit more patience….
But you’re right they do need to be a husband and wife to each other. At this point, their marriage is secondary and it’s not comfortable to watch them anymore.
I’ve watched the show a couple of times and you are right. Kate is in charge and speaks kinda rough to Jon. In her defense, I think that women, are programmed that way. Let’s be honest, all of us women know our homes, the children, the entire family’s schedule, bills, etc., like we know our own birthday. Men fall in there somewhere and yes they are the heads of the house, but we generally take care of the home. To me, Jon seemed like the kind of person who is like, “we’ll get there, when we get there,” kind of person and Kate is no nonsense, stick strictly to the schedule kind of person. Those kind of personalities will always clash. Add 8 children and you got a time bomb.
What I think they should do is take a season off, work on their marriage. If they still feel the need to come back, then come back. But their marriage should come first. I think the stress of their marriage and dealing with camera crews will only make things worse.
@ Cymonne – Yeah, I do wish they’d take a break and just work on their marriage. It seems like their focus is just on the kids – not each other. I know things have been stressful lately but haven’t they remembered what made them fall in love? Is there nothing there to hold them together anymore?
I am a mother to 3 boys, and the youngest 2 are twins. Multiples are very difficult to manage, especially when they have older siblings that have a huge learning curve for how to share the spotlight. Having children is difficult on a marriage, and you can multiply that stress by 1000 when multiples are involved. It’s unbelievably challenging! My husband and I have had to work on our marriage just like everyone else, but I think one of the keys that has helped us to survive our chaotic life is laughter. We have learned that sometimes just breaking out into laughter can help to diffuse our own tensions, as well as our children’s. Most importantly, we know that know matter what stresses we are experiencing, we are in this marriage, in this family – together.
I read a lot of comments about how Kate “belittles” and “disrepects” Jon by her behavior and speech. However, as my mother once told me, “You can never control what someone says to you or about you. You can only control your reaction.” Jon never reacts to anything Kate says and I think that he prefers having her “in-charge” in the house because it relieves him of having to make any decisions. I’m sure if he let her know that her tone was unacceptable, she would switch gears.
They both seem like good parents, I just think that communication is their biggest issue. I hope they can work it out – for their sakes, and their kids.
@ Shanell – “Jon never reacts to anything Kate says and I think that he prefers having her “in-charge” in the house because it relieves him of having to make any decisions. I’m sure if he let her know that her tone was unacceptable, she would switch gears.”
Great, great point. We don’t know what goes on when the cameras are off, but during the moment (when it’s most helpful) he is very quiet and doesn’t say anything to address her behavior. I’m really, really pulling for them to make it.