“You look like you’re 12.”
I hear it so often that I can’t even get mad anymore. I got pulled aside at the airport security checkpoint when my husband and I were leaving for our honeymoon. The security checkpoint person pulled me aside and asked me, “Are you traveling by yourself?”
Me: “Um, yes?”
Security: “You don’t have anyone escorting you?”
Me, thinking: “Damn, is this Baghdad? Since when do I need an escort?”
Me, talking: “Um, I’m traveling with my husband.” Pointed to my hubby who was staying a comfortable distance away from me as if to imply, “Hey, if you found some drugs on her, I don’t know that lady.”
Security to my husband: “Is she with you?”
Me, thinking: “What the heck??!”
Husband: “Yeah, we’re just going on our honeymoon.”
Security: “Oh, I thought you were underage. You look like you’re about 12. I’m sorry.”
It is so hard and so frustrating to get respect as a grown woman, a mother of two, a wife, a public relations professional, when people constantly assume you are half your age.
When I share this complaint with people, they tell me I’m blessed. “Just think, when you’re 50, you’ll look like you’re 20!”
Um, tell how how that’s good? When I’m 50, I want people to KNOW I’m 50. To respect the wisdom that comes with age. When people assume you’re younger, they also assume you’re dumber.
I know a lot of my young mommy readers go through this too because when I see your photos I admit I question you too: “She can’t be 30! She doesn’t look a day over 18!”
How do you all deal with the constant age-guessing? Do you take it in stride or do you get offended?
I get it all the time. People usually think I’m 19 or 20. I get, “So what’s your major?” I used to tell the truth (ie. I graduated almost ten years ago) but now I keep that to myself. The thing is, I look young but I’m an old head and I sound mature, so I guess some folks catch on and some don’t. I get carded all the time when I go to a restaurant or buy a bottle of wine to bring home. Doesn’t bother me. I smile and hand over my license. I love looking younger than I am!
@ Kaye – I don’t mind it in day to day interactions, but at work? Drives me nuts. But like I told Ms. Bar B, there’s nothing I can do short of developing a wicked drinking and smoking habit. LOL.
This doesn’t happened to me as much now that 30 is in the rear view mirror but it used to make me crazy! When I was in my mid-20s and working in child welfare, my (middle and upper class) clients would look at me like “what do you know about anything?” I took it as a personal challenge to make ’em see me as a professional. The key for me? Throw as many big words into my vocabulary as I could muster. The more obscure and the more syllables, the better. For some reason, that really did the trick!
@ Sandpiper – I do use it as motivation to be the best, brightest, smartest, most efficient 20something they have ever seen! I like to try to defy stereotypes, especially the ones where all 20somethings are clueless and apathetic and struggling to find themselves…
It’s my first time here, and I have to start by saying that I find your blog very entertaining.
On to the post…I hate when people age-guess. I’m 23, but I get told all the time that I look like I’m 15. It’s annoying, but I’ve learned to just smile and say thank you. It makes me feel good to know that I’m aging well, but it is rather annoying.
@ Terin – Well, thanks for stopping by. I try to respond to everyone’s comments because I figure if you took a moment to write something, shouldn’t I take a minute to respond? It’s only fair. But people say that you look 15? That’s impressive. I would KILL to look 15. LOL. Off to visit your website now…
I take it in stride. It does make for some funny moments. I remember I was waiting for a some pyramid scandal workshop to begin (I went only because I was too nice to say no) in a hotel lobby. I sat in front of the tv and I watched CNN. The clerk at the desk says to me, “If you want, you can turn to the cartoon network.” I turned and looked at her like, “what?” Then she apologized profusely. I thought it was funny.
I was also told by the cook at my daughter’s school that she thought I was my daughter’s older sister.
My sister, who is 31, was asked in a restaurant if she could talk to a stranger’s daughter about how hard it is to be an unwed teenage mother. Her response was, “I wouldn’t know anything about that, I’m 30.”
You just have to laugh at those kinds of things.
@ Cymonne – I’m still laughing at the Cartoon Network thing. I would have died laughing! LOL.
Dang. Now that’s a story for the grandkids right there. That’s amazing. I haven’t really gotten the whole “you look younger than you actually are” in a while. These days I get the “damn, I keep forgetting how young you are, you’re just a baby”. My older mommy friends sometimes forget that I’m about 10 years younger than they are because we share similar life experiences, lol. (a great thing about having older mommie friends btw, these women really “get you”).
I know this suggestion wont change your beautiful face, but have you thought about giving yourself a mommy makeover? One where you get the full works: new hair, new style or at least a few new outfits to move you in a different direction and maybe a new makeup look… if you are a makeup wearer. I only do the makeup thing when I feel like it, lol.
@ Ms Bar B – I’m slowly trying to do the whole “grown woman wardrobe” one piece at a time. I recently went natural and since my hair is short and curly people say it makes me look younger, but I got the “you look 12” comments when I had long straight hair too. So I don’t think it matters much.
Oh and with makeup, people STILL thought I was 12. It’s the face. I can’t change it unless I start smoking or drinking heavily. LOL.
I don’t really have that problem, instead I get kindly insulted about my weight – or lack thereof. Oh you’re so tiny. To Jayden: Oh you’re bigger than mommy.
And since when is traveling while 12 a hazard!?
@ Sheena – Sheena, yay! So happy to have you here. And yes, that’s what I wanted to know…can’t 12-year-olds travel by themselves?
Yes, yes, yes. Inside, I do get some what offended or annoyed because I want that respect! I AM a great mom (and wife, student, writer, etc.) whether I look 15, my age, or 30. I’m sure I do it to others as well, like you said, but internally and not out loud (there is a difference!). I think the world needs to learn how to shut it’s mouth and not say things just because they are thinking them. Or assume things by how we look.
When people make comments about my age, externally I do take it in stride and just laugh it off. But inside? It’s another tick mark in the ‘how many times people have said that column’ and it gets old, people.
End Rant.
What a great post. I just had a meeting recently with an office my department supports. I was the only representative from my office and I could tell that the other guests at the table were somewhat surprised. I’m not sure if it was because I was composed, young, well-spoken or what, but the leader of their department actually brought it up at the end of the meeting. As we departed, she held me back expressing interested in my background, curiousity about my future, and seemed to suggest another job opportunity…..I know that would not have happened if I looked older. I’ve had other instances at work when clients will ask, “How old are you? You just seem so knowledgeable.” I usually smile. Their comments are only a reflection of their mind and their own limitations about a youthful persona. But I take it in stride, appreciate the compliment, and take it as an opportunity to educate and break stereotypes.
Just want point, however…..I love your post, but when I’m fifty, I don’t want to look it, I want to look 35, maybe
Have a great day!
@ Danielle – Haha – love your story. And while I don’t there’s anything wrong with looking 50, I’d like to look a little younger, but not to the point where people are still carding me. Uh-uh. LOL. Thanks for commenting!
Great post. I’m not a mom (yet). I’m 31 and I have a baby face. I still get carded and I don’t even drink. I must admit, I LOVE being carded though so I think I’ll love it and take it as a compliment if people think I’m younger than I am.
@ Shawnta – I’m sure when I’m 30, I’ll be flattered. Heck, I know I’ll still be getting carded because my MOM gets carded (she’s 47) and the waiters are dead serious when asking for her ID. So, if genetics serve me well, I’ll be getting carded as they wheel me into the nursing home. LOL.
I still get that. I think that you should take it as a compliment. I mean with all of these anti aging commercials and such on the telly, you should be glad that yours is natural. You do look like a baby (lol) but I never really looked at you as immature. I don’t know about the whole not looking 20 at 50. I think that might be nice! :o) Love the new format for the blog! It is really nice! :o)
I get that a lot too, Tara. I used to get mad when I was younger, but now that I’m pushing 30 (28), I actually, kind of like it.
No one thinks I’m 12 anymore…I feel for you on that one! But, I do get 17 sometimes.
Oh, and when you turn 50 and people think you’re 20…you’re sure to love it. Ask my momma…and my grandma who is now 101 and people think she’s 80. No joke! You got good genes girl, love ’em!
@Sesimag – I still hate it. Still. Just yesterday, I went to a scholarship dinner and they thought I was one of the high school scholarship recipients. Geez.
And I promise you, I will not want to look 20 when I’m 50. Now, 30, I can do…
hello OMG! i have the same problem…heres my blog about it!http://agashimae.blogspot.com/2011/01/hello-ok-i-wanna-talk-about-baby-face.html