I’ve been doing a lot lately.
And I’m wearing myself into the ground.
I’ve been working full-time, being a mommy, trying to hold it down at home while my hubby works crazy long summer hours and maintaining this blog and my freelance projects.
My house is a mess, I’m unorganized, our laundry situation should be illegal, my daughter and son both need a deep conditioner in the worst way and my hair is feeling pretty dry too. The carpet needs to be cleaned, the dishwasher loaded, the toys put away. If you walked into my house, you’d probably wonder aloud exactly how many people live here.
My bank account is drained because I’m an emotional shopper, meaning filling up my carts with $1 crap at Target makes me feel better – and less stressed.
I haven’t spent any quality time with the hubby in weeks, my focus at work is waning, my poor, poor lawn looks like no one inside cares whether it lives or dies.
How do you cope with this – feeling like you’re not doing anything particularly well? I wish there was one area where I felt like I could at least be proud of the work I’m doing, but nope, not really.
Am I the only one who remembers being a kid and wanting to be an adult so I could do whatever I wanted and no one could tell me what to do? How ironic is it that all I want to do is have someone take care of me?
Help, please.
I could have written this post myself! I too am a full time working mother. I only have one child but sometimes I feel like I am just treading water and getting nowhere. I feel like I don’t get to spend enough time with her or my husband and time for myself…..forget about that. I am constantly stressed and I worry about stuff that I have no control over. I am trying to get better at all of this. My husband and I went on a date night last weekend for the first time in months and it did us some good. We are going to try and make that a regular thing. I would love to quit my job and be a stay at home mom but we have bills to pay so that is not possible.
I could ramble on and on but you are not alone! Just wanted you to know that.
@Sonya – I feel you! But don’t say you “only” have one kid. Mommy work is hard, whether one kid or eight. I remember feeling the exact same way when I had just one. I actually had to take a day off work to clean the house. That’s how bad it is. Cleaning little by little won’t cut it. How sad.
Girly, I have nothing for you on this one. I’m going through the same thing. 2 kids, all the Mommy stuff, a husband in the Army who works 7 days a week and at home long enough to sleep for 4 or 5 hrs only to get up at 330am to do it all over again.
Overwhelmed is an understatement at this point. And to top it all off, I have no CLUE how to care for my stupid lawn! Ugh. But, let me also say, I dont think there is anything wrong with needing/wanting to be taken care of. If all you do is give, its natural to want someone to give to you. IDK, I think if I could give up all my responsibilities and take a full day to do things I like with no guilt… I would at least feel rejuvenated to press forward — for another month or two! lol
If you could pull that off, maybe it might help you refresh yourself
@Mignon – My mom used to do that. When she would get stressed out and start snapping at us, she would very calmly go make reservations at a nearby hotel and stay for a night or two. I was oblivious to why she went away, but I get it now. She would do it about twice, maybe three times a year and I think she was a better mom for it. I never realized it, but my mom had three kids, my dad was always traveling for work and would be gone one, two weeks at a time – it was really rough for her.
And yes, I have no clue how to care for the lawn either. My hubby and I just shrug and go, “Well, it’s green. That’s good, right?” But that green is because the WEEDS are green. Ugh. LOL.
Tara, I feel the same way sometimes (minus the mommy part…my laundry desperately needs laundering, I’m trying to scrape by on a measly paycheck so I can go to the NABJ convention next month, and I need to clean too.)
My best friend from college and I have been discussing the very same thing lately. I also complained to my mom a few weeks ago about how I wasn’t an expert in anything. She had to remind me that I’m only 28 and that most people that young aren’t.
So, I think I got a little off topic, but anyway, being an adult will probably suck sometimes, at least until we get the hang of it…but there are good things too, and we can pretty much do whatever we want.
Hang in there!
@Sesi – Yeah, I think being an adult sucks at some point for everyone but man I wish I enjoyed my childhood more. Before the bills, the stress, the constant draining of the bank account. LOL.
I am so with you on this one! The hustle and bustle of my commute each day keeps me out the house for 13 hours. My mother keeps my son and I didn’t realize that she saw me withering until she suggested bringing his laundry once a week and she would be happy to do it. Needless to say, I burst into tears and she consoled me as only a mommy can do! Being an adult is VERY lame sometimes!
1. Neither your son, daughter, nor you will absolutely dry up and die if you go a few months without a deep conditioning. Plan an end of summer hair/movie/popcorn day and do their hair while their favorite movie is on. If you’re going to a salon to do yours, turn it into a mini spa day and do a mani/pedi at the same time.
2. If you cut out the emotional spending (or at least cut down to $5 worth of Target $1 crap), then you can save up enough to pay someone $120 to clean your house from top to bottom once a month. That way, you can just do the weekly 1 hour cleaning (toilets, vacuum, windows, mirrors) and leave yourself more time.
3. Do you have laundry sorting bins in your laundry room? I find them helpful, because I sort the laundry as I go, instead of being intimidated by the humongous piles of colorful/self-multiplying pieces of cloth littered along the floor. If it’s pre-sorted, then you can put a load in before you head to Target with your $5, then put them in the dryer when you get back.
4. Target has inexpensive toy bins, and Ross has some pretty cheap ones too. Teach your children (but be warned that this can be time consuming at first) to put their own toys away towards the end of the day. We’re pretty gangster about it in our house, b/c if they don’t put it away, after the 2nd time, we put it in the Goodwill bag and make the girls accompany us to give it away. Harsh, yes. Worth it, heck yeah!
5. Um, DON’T skimp on quality time w/ the hubs. Yes, it can be difficult b/c life can seem to get in the way, but if you drift too far apart, it might be extremely difficult to get back in the same library, never mind the same page. Even with his long hours and all, MAKE TIME! It doesn’t have to be a night on the town. It can be something simple like watching an old school favorite movie together (Kris and I LOVE Friday and Office Space).
As for finding “at least one thing you can be proud of”, I think you have several of those:
1. Your blog posts are fabulous! You are witty, and smart and funny!
thing to do
2. Your children (even with their non-conditioned hair having selves) are healthy and happy (and cute, I saw them on Facebook!).
3. You are probably excelling at your day job, otherwise you probably wouldn’t have it.
4. You are fortunate enough to have side-gigs, whereas some people in these times are just trying to find one productive/income-generating (legal
Tara, these feelings are perfectly normal, especially for someone like you who’s full of life/energy/ideas. Your job is to create a life that works for you and hubby, not get mired in responsibilities that seem beyond your reach/control. Being an adult isn’t lame, it’s a gift, and when you have as many talents as you do — the world (and your house) can seem infinitely large and filled with “stuff” to do, but you’ll get the hang of it, as most of us do, with time, prayer, and consistently sticking to our decision to chart our chosen course.
@Akilah – Why do I feel like my post was printed in a magazine in the advice section and you are the expert to help me “figure things out”? LOL!
All of your suggestions are right on point. What I didn’t mention is that this phase of my life happens every summer because of one thing: My husband’s dreaded summer schedule. Oh, lord, I hate it. He’s working six and half days a week, not getting home until midnight some days and I’m busting my butt to keep these kids happy and fed, the house somewhat decent and trying to spend any time with him, even if it’s only ten minutes in the morning.
Once August hits, things will go back to “normal.” But for now, I accept that fact that this sucks, I can’t do it all by myself, nor should I expect myself to be able to. I need help. Not ashamed to say that…
Thanks for you long, super helpful comment! You made my day!
I hear ya girl! Life is hard!!
I can remember as kid, I couldn’t wait to grow up. Adults would always tell me to stay young & enjoy my childhood as long as I could, being an adult wasn’t what it seemed, etc., etc., etc.! Back then I’m like they are just “hating” or trying to keep me in my place. HA! Why the hell didn’t I listen?! THIS is what I was in such a rush to grow up for? To say I have a place of my own, my own car to drive and so on?! So effin what, big freaking deal!
I’m broke! I used to love getting mail. Now when I go to the mailbox I dread which bill is going to be there and what it’s amount for the current month going to be. You can always try to plan on your monthly expenses with the big things: car note, rent/mortage, groceries, utilities, etc., but what about certain things that pop up?! What if you use more gas than you planned? What if your child went through waaaay more diapers this month? What if u run out of maxi pads or need some expensive over-the-counter yeast infection medicine, or your insurance won’t cover a prescription you really need, or you get a parking ticket…get my drift?! Aint no more calling mom/dad for a $20 here, $50 there.
Someone tell me what’s fun about being an adult. Certainly not having to get up and go to work everyday. Certainly not having to pay bills as soon as you finally get some money. Certainly not wiping butts and catering to someone else all day long. Certainly not going out of your way and doing things for everyone but yourself!
I don’t go out to clubs/parties. I rarely drink anymore. Oooh, I can see a R-rated movie–oh no wait, I always have the kid with me so what’s a movie anyways?! Yeah…sorry, I’m just a little bitter about this whole “being an adult” thing…that’s what I get for being so hard headed!
@Courtney – I’m trying to see the upside of being an adult – I really am. But so far, it’s just a lot of work. LOL. Wonder if we’d feel the same way if we didn’t have kids? Or if we spent a few years being childless first? I dunno.
That’s pretty much how I felt the whole time my husband’s been away. It seems like I accomplish nothing and it wears on me. But I was reading this story about a woman who homeschools her kids and works from home. Reading it, I thought that she had a load on her shoulders. But her advice was simple: don’t focus on everything; Focus on what you have to do next. It does help. If you automatically think that the laundry has to be done, dishes washed, clothes ironed, dinner fixed, lawn mowed, dog walked, work done, windows washed and all that stuff, it becomes overwhelming. But if you say, dishes are next, it does take the pressure off. Really it’s just a way to keep yourself from burning out.
What I also found out from that same article was quiet time. For an hour, her children have to go to a room in the house and read a book or do an activity quietly. I implemented it with my kids. They’re not completely quiet but I’ll take what I can get. It’s like my cup of coffee for the day. Just hang in there. It does come and go.
@Cymonne – Two great comments and I will have to revisit that last one with my kids. What’s “quiet time”? LOL. Is your hubby back yet? I thought you said May…or June…?