Usually, I post questions from other young moms, but today, I’m the one who needs help.
Here’s the dilemma: We’re going to be moving our kids to a new daycare soon. Within the next month perhaps.
There’s no particular thing the current daycare did wrong. They are very nice people, they love our kids to death and my daughter feels very comfortable there, sometimes ignoring me when I come to pick her up.
But lately, I’ve begun thinking about putting her (and our son) in a more…I dunno, structured program. True, she is the smartest kid there (of course I’ll say that). She’s two and has known her colors, shapes, alphabet, numbers up to 20, how to spell her name, etc, since she was 18 months old. Maybe earlier.
I know the daycare has helped with that, but I’m not sure about their preschool program. So we’re looking at other options. Plus, their financial standing is shaky these days with all the budget issues Ohio is having. (Grrr…)
I’m not so worried about my son because he’s more laid-back and younger, so he goes with the flow.
So the question: How do you move kids to another daycare? I know, it’s a very basic question. But what I really want to know is: How do I prepare them for a new place? My daughter is almost fully potty-trained, meaning she’s still wearing Pull-Ups at night but hasn’t had an accident in almost two weeks. I don’t know if moving to a new daycare will cause her to regress and undo the months and months of work we’ve had to do to get her to this point.
And we want to keep them together. My first choice is a child development center, which only takes kids 18 months and up, so her 11-month-old brother is a no-go. Sigh.
WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO BE SO HARD?
So, readers, help me out here. Should I stay with them the first day at a new place, or will that confuse them the second day when I leave them there? What will I do if my kids just cry all day? What if they hate it? What if it turns out that I hate it? Argh…see, stay-at-home moms don’t have to deal with this.
We just started settting up playdates with the kids from their current daycare, so maybe that will help. I don’t know. I feel like I’m screwed either way.
Just re-read the post and it’s all over the place, but that’s how I feel so no edits.
Please, please, just help!
I have two kids, age 1 and 2. My 1 year old daughter is gifted as well, like yours, so advanced for her age.
This sounds mean, but I think it’s best to (as long as you trust the caregiver, of course) leave them there without you. You could go prior to dropping them off for a full day and let them play for say, one hour, with you there. Maybe you can schedule that into your morning or take a 1/2 day at work. Then, they will see you around the person, chatting and see you relaxed, while they play. Then, that next day or next week, whenever, leave them and don’t stay. They should remember the house/person enough to recall that you were happy and relaxed while you were there before. Most daycares/centers WILL allow this prior to signing up for a contract month. But, either way, you know what’s best instinctively and go with your gut feeling! Love the blog!!!
@Gabrielle – Thanks for the advice. That’s actually how I was leaning. My hubby thinks staying the whole day might make them cling to me, rather than explore the new space. I think this is going to be harder on me than on them! LOL. Thanks for stopping by – I have to visit your blog!
I’m not going to make this as thourgh as I should because I’m in the process of getting kids ready to walk out the door!
I say go with your gut. Something’s telling you to move them!
I would try to just take them 1/2 a day or something to that effect the first few days. But if you can’t do that then just do the whole day, but try to start them at the end of the week so it won’t be so hard.
I’m not so experienced in the whole daycare thing! This is only my second full week of taking my kiddos to daycare! HUGS MAMA!
@Amanda – Thanks, lady!
I agree don’t stay, but definitely let them tour the place before they go so they can know the layout. When we changed places for my son (about four months ago) we let him go on the tour and we drove over to where the place was and kept saying “this is your new school”. So he was pretty pumped to go to his new school, in fact he still calls it “my new school”. Luckily we found a place with a great curriculum (they use the Funshine curriculum) and we’re very happy with them.
@Knwill – Yeah, we’ll take them to the place so they know what’s up. Wouldn’t it suck for me to just drop them off and be like, “Hey, here’s your new place. Bye!” LOL.
One question I meant to ask is, is letting them to go to separate day cares an option?
But I do agree with Gabrielle, any good day care will offer you to stay there and watch your child observe. I planned to do that during Jaedyn’s free/trial day there but I was so burnt out I left him there and called maybe twice to check on him. I had been battling getting him to sleep in his crib at home so I called and she was like, “well he didn’t cry when you left and is now sleeping in his crib.” I said, “he’s sleeping in a wha–huh???” LOL!
I don’t think for me it would have been a problem if I stayed because Jaedyn will run off from me to go entertain some other folks in a heartbeat. Honestly, just knowing how your kids are, especially Ms. Ayanna (man I hope it’s ok to say her name here, I get so mixed up), I wouldn’t recommend you staying there long, if at all, once you take her to a new place. She takes awhile to open up and adjust and the longer you are there with her to cling to, the longer it will take her. Some days Jaedyn gets in his moods and while he sees me standing there filling out his family communicator today, he will stand right by the gate thingy and whine for me, sometimes he has started crying when I’m about to leave but the teachers will just come pick him up, give him lots of hugs, a toy and then I’m out of his mind just like that, lol. Then there are other days as soon as I put him down, he runs away, won’t give me a goodbye hug or anything.
It may be hard at first but I actually think it is good to expose them to a different setting. Besides the break I need, I wanted Jaedyn to be exposed to a different setting and other people since I had him so sheltered before! And for the record, I’m a SAHM and I had to deal with that. I toured a couple different places and looked into a lot of programs before I chose Kindercare. When you walk into one and they are explaining the program to you, and you’re looking around at how the other kids are playing, how the other teachers are…something is going to hit you. Either you are going to feel it or not. Also, I know it’s gonna be hard, but try to look more for quality than quantity. I could have easily went with the place you guys were at because it was cheaper but I didn’t like the quality of the place and I wanted him to be somewhere where he wasn’t just “being babysat” but actually doing and learning things–and of course somewhere I didn’t have to provide food. So yes his day care is expensive but when I walked in there, I got that feeling. I had on’y let two people watch my son in his life so I was highly selective but they made me feel so comfortable about leaving him there. I love going in there reading his daily communicator of all the neat things he has done for the day!
I probably didn’t help any, but all I can say is wait for “the feeling” to come when you are looking at different places. Consider do they offer any extra programs (like maybe a musical instrument class for LT), do they take the kids on field trips, have any events for you to get to know and meet the other parents whose children attend there, what all will you have to provide, how do they handle emergency sitations, etc.
GOOD LUCK ::cough “KINDERCARE” cough:: 😉
@Courtney – Ugh, twin, why you gotta diss their current daycare like that? LOL. Have people thinking I’m an unfit mom or something. They do have activities and things for the kids, otherwise I never would have put them there. I picked it because I liked the people. They hug my kids and play with them, and you see how smart Ayanna is. She enjoys her teachers, they do crafts and such. I think Ayanna got way more one-on-one attention than she would have someplace else. We simply have different ideas on what we want for our kids and that’s okay. Now that the owner has changed and some activities have been cut, I don’t like that so we’re moving them. But I don’t let price determine where I send my kids. You know how much I love my babies.
Sorry for sounding so defensive, but I just had to state my case. Whew! LOL.
Lol, I apologize if it came across like that. You do constantly tell me how much they are cuddling with Ayanna and how she loves her friends there etc. I just PERSONALLY didn’t like the infant room, I didn’t get to see the other areas. It was small, kids all in high chairs or swings, not playing…no way would Maniac Jaedyn go for that! I know they do activities for older kids because I’ve seen things on the fridge, but they didn’t offer anything for Jaedyn’s age.
Everyone on here knows u are nowhere close to be an unfit mom! You do sooooo much for those kids, I didn’t mean to make it sound like u have them in a dump or anything. Like u said we have different things we want for our kids. I wanted Jaedyn to have tons of toys, paint me pictures, explore new things on their sensory table and plenty of room to be able to run around that’s all!
@Courtney – No offense, twin. I can totally understand because Jaedyn is a maniac. I can’t believe how well that word describes him. LOL. But yeah, those things you described is exactly why I want them to move. Thomas has been tearing up their infant room for a few months now as Destruct-O Baby and I’m like, “Oh this kid needs more room!” LOL.
Have you spoken with them at the new daycare yet? Chase’s daycare actually requires a whole transition week before the child officially begins. The first day is orientation, where you stay for about an hour there with your child, and the teachers show you the ropes, interacts with child with you all there. The second day you leave your child there for 2 hours, in the morning. The next day is 3-4 hours without you, and includes the lunch period. The next day is 5 hours (without you) and includes a nap. The last day is the full day without you. Then they begin on Monday. After the transition week they begin the next week like a regular week, but the idea is that they are comfortable/familiar by this point.
Sheesh, in terms of the dilemma about separating the babies vs. keeping them together… i dont know. I guess go with whatever makes you most comfortable. Obviously, it would be ideal to keep the kids together, but not sure how feasible this is. If DS happens to regress a bit in terms of potty training at a new place, then you all can just deal with that together as a family. She’ll get back on track once things are stable again.
@Yakini – Yeah, maybe I should wait until I actually pick a place first, huh? LOL. We’ve got it narrowed down to three places, and we’ll probably know by next week. I just want to make sure I’ve covered my bases. The funny thing is, I don’t think my hubby is the least bit nervous or anxious. I do like the transition week thing, although I don’t know how that would work with our work schedules…
having 2 daughters in my early twenties AND doing the day care/pre school thing, i would ask you if you really truly need to move them. They might not have the latest educational components but isnt the fact that they are happy and adjusted there important too? Failing that, if you are going to move them, you’re going to have to treat it like any other major change in their lives. I would take them there once or twice for a short visit with you. Then the first week stay for a short while before leaving. Give yourself and them lots of time to adjust. Before you know it, you’ll be over the hump.
@Jade – Ugh, major changes. I don’t like them! LOL. But thanks for giving me advice from someone who’s been there! All of these comments are very much appreciated!
Hi Tara,
As a youngish mom and director of a child development center, I would offer you these words of advice:
Pop in for a tour. Don’t call and schedule one if you can help it. This allows you to see the center in “real action”; not a staged setting. Bring your children with you–at the very least your daughter.
Look for a center that is warm and inviting and is interested in meeting your needs not just their bottom line. You may also check with your local elementary school and see which child development program they recommend.
Once you have found “the place” arrange for 1 or 2 ‘play-dates’ prior to the first day. Allow your children to get to know the school, the teachers, the other students, and the routine. All the while, speaking very highly and encouraging of the school. If you are excited, chances are your children will be also.
Now that doesn’t mean that there won’t be any tears. There very well may or may not be. This is all apart of transitioning. Just reassure them that it will be okay and ‘mommy’s always come back!” I will reassure YOU that it won’t last forever! ? One way to help sooth a child with separation anxiety is to have something familiar to them. This could be a stuffed toy, SMALL blanket, or even a family picture. Keep this item out of the classroom, say with the Director. If your child becomes too upset perhaps this line of defense will help comfort them until you arrive.
For first day of drop off…I encourage my parents to “drop & go”. This eliminates the false sense that mommy/daddy get to stay and play with me. Yeah Tisha, but how do I know that they are enjoying themselves at least part of the day. How do I know it’s not all tears? Well, some facilities (like my own) have cameras (or at the very least observation windows) in the classroom. This allows you to check on your child without her checking on you.
Tara, you couldn’t have been more right…it will be harder for you then it will for them. I hope I have helped in some way. Good luck.
@Tisha – Thank you very much for your comment! All very helpful tips! I plan on taking a day off on Friday and visiting centers (ones that I have called to see about availability, not to set up a visit). I found one that’s affordable and has a good curriculum, but I didn’t get enough sense of the warmth from the teachers. You hit the nail on the head with that word: warmth. That’s what I need for my kids. So I will look at a few more centers and I pray to God I find one that works for us! Thanks again for commenting!