1. Upgrade items from baby #1. Since I got pregnant with my son a few days shy of my daughter’s first birthday, a lot of her baby items were still in semi-decent shape and would be good to use with the new baby. Or so I thought. I should have realized that a cute little diaper bag that worked wonders with one baby might not do the job after two years of use and twice as much crap stuffed inside. If I had to do it all over again…I’d invest in some more sturdy baby stuff. They don’t make it like they used to.
2. Quit being a punk. Yeah, that’s right, I was a punk when I had one kid. Always whining about how tired I was. I.HAD.NO.IDEA. When my son was born and in the few months afterward, I would clutch my husband’s pants as he moved toward the door. “Don’t leave me here by myself with two kids,” was probably the most frequent sentence I’ve uttered this year. If I had to do it all over again…I’d (wo)man up earlier. Yeah, it’s hard to take care of two kids by yourself, but it’s not impossible.
3. Think through the logistics.I thought about where the kids would sleep, how we would manage with two kids in diapers, but I didn’t think about other things, like how the heck I would maneuver two kids (one baby, one toddler) in the rain. If I had to do it all over again…I didn’t like feeling caught off-guard but I’ll be darned if I’ve figured out how to scurry holding two kids during a downpour…Any ideas?
4. Practiced the fine art of “Me time.” If I thought I had zero free time with one kid, it plummeted after I had the second. If I had to do it all over again…I’d learn how to make sure I put myself first, if only some of the time.
5. Get more sleep. This one is easier said than done, right? Everyone wishes they could get more sleep but in reality it’s hard to make that happen when you’ve got a to-do list that’s longer than your waking hours can accommodate. If I had to do it all over again…I would take my %@# to bed when I was tired. The dishes can wait.
6. View more things through my husband’s eyes. We went through a very rough patch after the first kid as we were learning how to be parents and lovers at the same time. I wanted to wring his neck most days of the week. But I now realize that it wasn’t necessarily him – it was just the adjustment. I could have been a lot happier if I came to this conclusion earlier. If I had to do it all over again…I would have seen my husband as my partner, not someone who was just in the way.
7. Learn how to accept help. I get physically sick when people offer to help, either by washing my dishes or folding my laundry, or watching my kids for a few hours while I get in a date night with the hubby. It’s so hard for me to realize that I can’t do it all myself, that occasionally I need to call in for backup. If I had to do it all over again…I would slap a smile on my face and accept the help as readily as it’s offered.
8. Spend more time preparing my firstborn. My daughter was only 12 months old when I found out I was pregnant again, so I didn’t think “Hey, you’re going to be a big sister soon” would make much sense to her. She realized quickly that Mommy was getting fat, but I still think it was a shock to her when she came to visit me in the hospital room suddenly looking 30 pounds lighter and holding a little mini version of her. If I had to do it all over again…well, I don’t really know how I could have done it differently. Bought the kid a doll or something?
9. Enjoy the second pregnancy just as much as the first. With the first pregnancy, everything was cause for celebration. When I first felt a kick, it was like I was the first woman in the history of the world to be pregnant. With the second? Eh, was that a kick? Might just be gas. Who knows? If I had to do it all over again…I’d rejoice in all the little things that make pregnancy fun, even if I had just experienced it a year earlier.
Great article Tara!! Thanks so much for sharing your wisdom. I only have one (a three year old whose turning four at the end of the month) so it’s great to know this stuff and be able to incorporate it in my life before the next munchkin. I especially love #2 as “I’m so tired” is one of my signature phrases. LOL!! I thought I was tired before I had kids but I had no idea what tired was until I had my son. I always tell my non-parent friends to enjoy all the free time but of course they don’t listen/understand. It’s funny how things are so much clearer in retrospect.
The next time I think about uttering those words I’ll think of you and try to appreciate the lower degree of tiredness that being a parent of one allows.
@Erica – Don’t think that I don’t remember how tired I was with just one kid. Kids are a lot of work no matter how many you have!
Such an insightful list! If I ever get to go on the pregnancy journey again, I will keep some of these in mind.
Good things to think about!
I agree with #9. I was so happy and excited about my first pregnancy (my son). It’s all I talked about. I rubbed my belly all day, and wore shirts that let the world know I was pregnant. I bought baby clothes 10 weeks itno the pregnancy, and even purchased a heartbeat monitor (didn’t work and was a waste of money). I was so obesessed with the pregnancy. The second pregnancy, not so much. I was in shock, to be honest. My son was only 9 months when I found out I was pregnant with baby number two. I actaully cried when I saw the positive sign on the pregnancy test, lol.
#CJ – You are not alone – I cried when I saw the positive sign on the test, too! I remember being cery zombielike for the first day or two after I found out. Like, “My daughter’s still a baby! Now I’m having another baby???” It was a crazy time!
Great blog! I just found you and you’re great! I love the list. My son will be 1 in 2 weeks and we’re working on our second right now! So I’m going to practice all these things, I especailly will appriciate my second pg as much as my first, since this is the last time we’re doing it!
@Stacey – Glad you enjoyed the list! Yes, please enjoy the second pregnancy as much as you can! It’s a little harder because you can’t rest as much as you did with the first one, because now you have a toddler running around as well. It’s stressful but worth it!
This is exactly the sort of stuff I needed to read! Thanks muchly hun!
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I conceived my son on my daughters 1st birthday, so we are in the same boat
I also thought… “My daughter’s still a baby! Now I’m having another baby???” But after a week, I adjusted to the idea and became much more excited! I like #2 on your list, except more for my husband. He gets this paniced look when I venture out on my own… “you are leaving me with BOTH kids?!”. Or he sometimes acts helpless when we are home together and he is dealing with one kid and I have to remind him that I deal with two on my own ALL day everyday so I think he can handle it!
Your #3 made me think about my learning experience…like manuvering them to get in the car by myself. I learned the hard way that I need to put my 2 year old in the car first because in the seconds it takes me to snap his carseat in, she ran off in the parking lot laughing at me as I tried to catch her! Luckily an almost empty parking lot but still!
Crazy but amazing life with 2+ kids
Jay refers to himself as “baby” so we’re going to have to do some serious prepping. When I was pregnant with him, it was SO exciting, but I missed the whole 1st trimester because I didn’t even know I was pregnant. Having experienced it all, I’m definitely gonna do more celebrating and planning because I have many more resources than I had during my 1st. Also, I’m trying to learn how to suck it up because I know it only gets more difficult, the more kids I decide to have. And help? Pfft, I swallowed my pride a long time ago, lol. I’d like to add… not so much upgrade items from baby #1, but make sure you’re buying items that you can use over and over again whether it’s a nice stroller, spacious diaper bag, convertible carseat, or shoes. Sometimes you have to shell out a few more bucks, but it’ll be worth it. Oh and prepare for baby #2 to be the complete opposite of baby #1. Jay gave me an easy pregnancy and he was such a happy, non-fussy baby. Baby #2 just may challenge our sanity.
@Sheena – I am soooo much better at accepting help than I used to be. I mean, I should have been committed the way I would literally shake when people asked if they could help. Now I look back at those days and wonder, what was my problem? Seriously, I was making life so much harder than it needed to be….