All this talk about “Be Sexy.” You’re a Sex Goddess. Don’t be so hard on yourself, etc.
I’m about to expose myself as a phony.
Last week I had a meltdown because my husband teased me about a hole in one of my gloves. I MELTED. I was full-on CRYING, you guys. Breathing hard. Face all hot. Kids looking concerned.
It made me realize how fragile even the strongest sense of self-confidence can be, especially in front of those we care about the most. I love my husband and I know he loves me. I always, always want to be my best in front of him.
I don’t like it when he catches a glimpse of an ashy leg, or a old pair of undies, or even a small thing like a hole in my gloves. I don’t like it when my toenail polish is chipped or I wake up to my hair sticking straight up in uncontrollable curls.
I want to be a sexy, confident, put together Mama who has everything under control. I want to be able to balance all that I do (full-time job, full-time mom to two kids under 3, caring wife, thoughtful daughter and sister, great friend, bad-ass blogger, nonprofit communications consultant, ETC.) with a smile.
I don’t want to be run-down and tired EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. So tired that I don’t wanna even THINK about exercising or so tired that I don’t realize when it’s been months since I last shaved my legs.
I want to be sexy. I want to be alluring. I want to look like that young sexy chick I did when my husband and I were first dating. I mean, heck, look at me back in 2005:
Ugh! Too cute, right? Look at those stilettos! Look at my cleavage! Look at that NATURAL face – no makeup!!!! Look at those nice toned arms!! Michelle Obama WHO?
Now, I definitely can’t fit that dress anymore, but the shoes are still in my closet (and they probably still hurt like heck, but whatevs.) I want to bust them out, go on a proper date and feel like I still have it.
It just kills me how it’s so much more of a challenge to be the confident woman I used to know so well.
So let me apologize to all the moms who maybe felt that I was making it seem like getting your groove back would be easy. It’s not easy and in many cases it’s a daily struggle.
I still struggle with it. Daily. Hourly, even. But I do know that it’s possible.
Girl, I don’t even redlect on those times anymore,its like a dream.
Reflect…typing from my blackberry, lol
Aww, sorry you had a mini-breakdown. Girl trust you are not alone. Its a definte struggle to figure out the balance of being a woman and a mom and a wife. But I think in due time the balance will come. Just know that you are aware of things that can be tweaked and you are making an effort towards them. You could be oblivious and that would be worse. I think the moms who put everyone else before them are great!! It means that you arent selfish which makes you great.
As for me, I’m right there with you looking for that balance we will get there…
I think your being too hard on yourself as we all are when we set certain standards for ourselves.I’m sure your great at whatever you put your hands on! Just breathe and accept the Fact your only Human and all Humans have flaws and challenges to face and those things MAKE Us who we are! Keep up your head up and just remember Do What you Can Do and There’s always tomorrow to tackle the rest of the Never Ending To Do List!
@Michelle – Man, you leave great comments.
The killer part is I already KNOW I’m too hard on myself. Why do we do this? I want to be the BEST MOTHER/WIFE/SISTER/DAUGHTER/WRITER/ETC. Not just up there, but THE BEST. It’s too much pressure. I need to quit it.
I totally understand your frustrations, but I think the vanity part of your issue is no big deal. Many woman can look cute, be “fly”, and have everybody part perfect and still don’t have a family (or husband) to call their own.
I have many friends, that still have their 20somthing bodies and careers and no man or family. Constantly counting their clock ticks.
But personally, I have the issue of not having the career title to follow all my roles.
That is my insecurity.
Wow! Where do I begin? First, you know better! We all do. But who created the rule stating we can’t have mental moments? We have created this superhuman image for ourselves and its the little “holes in the gloves” that expose us for who we really are! (Now Im making a mental note to remember my own advice and practice what I preach)! Second, let’s come up with a way to hold each other accountable for reintroducing our inner-sex goddess. We can start a private online club! The Hot Mamas Club!
Ugh. I know exactly what you mean. Anyone else try to wear a push-up bra after breastfeeding and they just…don’t? Maybe I’m just having withdrawals from my no-need-for-a-pushup-I’m-pregnant-and-they’re-EVERYWHERE-stage. Or that awkward pouch that reminds you of when you were going into the second trimester and you saw a bump on the stomach that had been flat your entire life. Or – my least favorite, and most frustrating – how the lack of sleep is really making me look old. My long-lashed doe-eyes are about half the size they used to be. I looked sixteen pretty much my entire life, and now when I see people I haven’t seen since before my pregnancy, they don’t recognize me. “You actually look older, I didn’t even recognize you!” Thanks. Actual quote, there, ladies. I even heard one of my closest friends (you know that one you can always trust to be brutally honest?) say the words, “You look asian now!” Hey! I didn’t even ask!
…I’m ranting. My point is this. I have new curves. I know however jealous we are of Heidi Klum and how she lost the weight by walking out of the hospital (seriously, what is that?!) someone is jealous of us. I wear a size bigger jeans. All my weight is not in my booty anymore. I look asian, too, I guess. But I look soooo good holding my son. Nobody looks better with him than I do.
@Erin – And with that, you just got comment of the week. Wow. Very profound. You have me sitting here in awe.