One day when my daughter was about 4 or 5 months old, my husband and I went to the drugstore to pick up stuff. You know, diapers and wipes and baby bottle brushes. Baby crap.
He ran in the store while I stayed in the car with my little one. I slid into the backseat to look at my little bundle. She looked up at me and gurgled, big dimples in her cheeks.
I dug in the bottom of the diaper bag, looking for one of those jingly toys to make her laugh. I suddenly hear some murmuring outside my car window. I see an elderly lady standing there, waving her friend over. I am in shock when I see them peer into my window, noses almost fogging up the glass. They straighten up, stick their hands in their pockets and begin to walk away.
Before they got too far away, I heard one of them mutter, “Babies having babies.”
Before I realized what’s happening, I started crying. My husband came back to the car. He looked at me in the backseat and is alarmed to see my face is red and wet. “What’s wrong?” he asked, probably figuring it’s just a new mom hormonal thing.
“They…they…they,” I stammer.
“What?”
“These…ladies. They…”
“What ladies?”
“They were judging me. I heard them. They said, ‘Babies having babies.'”
He looked around the parking lot. “Where are they?”
“In the store.”
“And they said it to your face?”
“I heard them.”
“And you’re sure they were talking to you?”
“WHO ELSE WOULD THEY BE TALKING TO?”
“Calm down.”
“I’m upset.”
“I know, but just breathe….”
It was at that moment that I knew life as a young mom would be different from what I thought. I wouldn’t be given the benefit of the doubt that I was a capable mother and that my kids were in good hands. I wouldn’t be trusted to know what was best for my kids, and I surely didn’t plan to have them. In their eyes I was wasting the best years of my life wiping butts and snotty noses, when I should have been kicking ass and taking names at work, putting this four-year degree to use.
What they couldn’t know was that I was serious about this. Motherhood was my life. I lived for my kids. Would do anything for them. Didn’t matter how much money I had or how tired I was, I was going to be there for my kids. POINT BLANK.
I actually want to thank those judgmental old ladies. After that day, I began toying with the idea of launching this blog you are reading right now. And because of this blog, I’ve had some amazing experiences, met some AWESOME people and learned more about myself than I could have predicted.
So thank you, old ladies, wherever you are, for pressing your nose against my car window and hurling your judgmental attitude at me, an emotionally unstable new young mom. I couldn’t find my voice that day to get out the car and ask, “WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?” But I found my voice now.
hmm tried to post btu it didn’t go through so here we go again. I’ve had this happen more times then I could possiably count. I was a baby though at 15 having my first but i worked my tail end off everyday and to be honest think that often my son is better raised and behaved then some of the children fromt he old peoples..lol…i once had a woman in walmart actually argue with me over whether or not he was my son…lol…and that wasnt back then that was like 5 months ago…i’m 25 lol…
@L.S. – Wow @ that woman in Wal-Mart. I can’t even deal with people like that. It’s too much for me. I have to leave that foolishness at that person’s feet – I am NOT the one.
Awesome! I love how you used that experience and turned it into good.
OK. All I can say is “BEEN THERE, DONE THAT!”
When I got pregnant with my first daughter, my hubby and I had been married about two years. I was a supervisor at the bank that I worked for FULL TIME and I drove a car that I paid off two months before my first daughter was born.
But I looked young… Like, teenager young…
So, for my entire pregnancy customers would come into the bank, shaking their heads as my tummy grew. Eventually, it was as if the older customers could no longer contain themselves. And you know the first thing that came out of their mouths was??
“Are you and the father even still together?”
It was such a private question to be asked by people I didn’t know personally that even hearing it was a shock to me.
I would just hold up my ring finger and say,
“We’ve been married for years, actually.” and look them straight in the eye, daring them to take it any further.
@Raya – That reminds me of sitting in the hospital room after having my daughter and the nurses kept giving me double-takes. Finally, one of them asked me, “How old are you?” I said I was 20. They said, “Wow, we thought you were about 12.” Grrrrreat. Now what kind of care and treatment and attitude do you think a 12-year-old mom gets? Tons.
Oh, hun, I just want to give you a huge hug right now. I know what it feels like to get the nasty judgemental comments from perfect strangers, and it hurts! I’m so glad you can look back on it now and know that that was one step toward you becoming the woman and mother you are today. I know just how you feel, at that moment of being the subject of someone’s nasty comment, all you do or want to do is cry, but afterwards, when you stew and stew about it you come up with some pretty powerful things to say, only to have missed your chance. I really hope those ladies will someday come across you again and they will clearly see what a wonderful mother you are.
@Katie – How I wish I could give YOU a hug right now. You’re awesome and you know it, right?
Sometimes I wish I had thought of something witty to say in response, but I didn’t. I let it affect me. But I also let it push me. So I’m grateful.
Ooooh, let me at ’em! Those mean old ladies! GGGGRRR Although, I had my first son young(young to me-he was born on my 23rd birthday), I didn’t really deal with anything like this-at least that I was ever aware of. I am sorry for the way that made you feel. So awful! I am glad, though, that you decided to start your blog and I’ll bet you are a wonderful Mom(age has nothing to do with that, by the way)!
@Cathy – Yup, you’re a young mom. I didn’t know you were “one of us.” LOL! Welcome!
Wow! I’m shocked by their audacity. I’m glad that that those old ladies motivated you to do great things for yourself and your child.
@Mocha Dad – Those old ladies really do deserve my gratitude. Maybe if they hadn’t been so mean, I would have blissfully floated along, not even aware that there was a need for this type of blog and the work that I’m doing. I’m fired up and ready to go now!
One’s age doesn’t mean much in terms of parenthood. People need to mind their own business. I’m very happy you were able to turn such a negative experience into this great blog. You’re pretty awesome.
@Claudia – Thank you. You’re pretty awesome yourself 😉
I’m really sorry you had to go through this. It really showed people’s ignorance, and it is sad. I’ve encountered rude ignorant people, but i really try to keep my cool..i mean im a lady
I dont understand why people choose to include themselves in other people’s lives, when they know nothing about the mom or child. I had to realize that i dont owe anyone of these ignorant butt people thing, i dont need to prove anything to them. I’m me and I love my daughter. Period.
@Alexandra – I try very hard to keep my cool too, even when the situation calls for a straight up-and-down tongue lashing. LOL!
I feel they expect you to fly off the handle or say something equally ignorant and I try my best to keep it the score uneven in the battle of ignorance. Them 1, Me 0. 
I always think that you have to find the bright side in a negative, it’s like that saying “what doesn’t kill you will make you stronger” you take that negative experience and turn it into something positive…like you did!
@Lisette – Yes, I was caught off guard by their behavior. Totally uncalled for. At the time I was flabbergasted. Now, I can look back and see how everything started from that one moment. Turning lemons into lemonade indeed.
@Lisette – Yup, turning lemons into lemonade for sure.
We young moms have to do what we have to do, right?
Hey Lil’Sis, I’m so proud of you and glad those little old ladies gave you your mojo LOL.
This is sad. But I can’t say that I know nothing of what you speak.
I married @ 21 and gave birth @ 27.
People thought both me and my husband were too young to do either when we did.
People called me “just a baby”.
When my husband would go out alone with our daughter, when she was still an infant, women would come up to him all the time and ask if he was okay.
Little did they know he was a physician.
It’s amazing how and who establishes themselves as the social police of our nation.
And in many cases, when you do the research, these people have no experience or expertise in the very section of life about which they are leveling criticism at others.
In short, I seriously doubt if those two old biddies, and I will call them that, have any children of their own. And if they do, I wonder of the nature of their relationship with those children, or if they even have one.
Experience as both a mother and a psychotherapist tells me that a little bit of envy was going on–that of your youth and the connection with your child.
You’re doing something, if not a lot, correctly.
Blessings.
@Anjuelle – Thank you for your comment. I think the people who level their criticism at other people don’t stop to think about how it makes us feel. It makes me feel like my kids will be judged because of decisions I made and as a mom, that cuts me to the core. It’s difficult indeed, but thanks for believing that I must be doing something right!
I became a young mom at the age of 19. People are mean and judgmental. They give dirty looks, make the babies having babies comments, and feel it’s their duty to spell it out for you. What I don’t think they realize is that you’re doing your best. Was I young sure but I loved my baby from day one and took very good care of him. He’s graduating from college in a week and I’d like to tell all those old people HA, I knew I could do it. Young moms make great moms! Great blog by the way.
lol – I am laughing because I get this all the time too and I’m not young at all. But I look like I was 16 years old (some have told me). When I first had my daughter once someone said – babies having babies. I asked –
ma’am – how old do you think I am. She said “no more than 20″. I said – thank you for the concern but I’m 30, own my home and have a law degree…. even still, I’d hope you would assume I’m capable either way”.
She shut up