I put a lot of thought into what I could name this blog. At first, I wanted to call it 20somethingmama.com. ‘Cause that’s what I am.
But I vetoed that because one day I won’t be a 20something mom anymore.
I’ll be a 30something mom. Then a 40something mom.
I’ll be a – gasp! – veteran. I’ll know what I’m doing. (Won’t that day hurry up and come?)
But I will forever be a “young mom.” Not young in the sense that I have few candles on my birthday cake, but young in the sense that when I had my kids, when I joined the mommy club, I was a young’un.
When I’m 30, my daughter will be 9, my son 7. When I’m 40, she’ll be 19, almost 20, my son tagging along at 17. Most moms will probably have tweens at that point in their lives. So it’ll still be different. I joke with my sisters that by the time they and all my friends have kids, MY kids will be old enough to babysit and I’ll STILL be looking for moms to hang out with because everyone else will have toddlers.
I want this blog to reflect all stages of young motherhood, even though I focus on moms in the teen-early 20s age range. I have so many moms who are 30+ who stop by, and then they leave because they figure this blog isn’t for them. It IS for them, because they ARE where we will be soon enough.
I had a 30something reader contact me and give me some insight on what life will look like in a decade or so. Christiana had her first kid at 21 and is now 33 with four kids ages 11 to 2:
“I love that I’m young enough to relate to my preteen’s experience in a realistic manner without needing to have a best friend relationship with her or watch an Oprah show to find out what she’s facing. I interpret the best friend moms as trying to hold on to their youth by having that type of relationship with their daughters. Us young moms, we won’t need that!!
I’ve also enjoyed being of a more carefree mindset in my 20s than I think 30-40 somethings are when it comes to enjoying silliness in public with little kids. I’m often the favorite mom at the party/park because I’m willing to paint my face too, see who can jump farthest off the swing, get buried in the sand, or roll down the hill.”
Sounds awesome to me.
Tell me – have you thought about how your life will change as an older “young mom”?
Good post, Tara. It’s something most of us have thought about at some point. What I love the most about getting my baby-havin’ years done before I turned 29 is that when they’re done with undergrad and out of our house, Kris and I will still be young and fly enough to be jet-setting all over God’s green earth without the need for AARP, canes, or 25-hour nurses!!
Having my kids as young as I did put a major strain on… like… everything. But I feel like not being soooo far from their generation gives me a lot better perspective on what they are seeing day to day. I’m more in the loop, ya know? Not only that, but it hasn’t been decades since I was their age – I’m only 17 years older than my oldest child, so I can still relate to what she’s going through because I was *there* only 17 years ago. I also agree with Christiana that despite the fact that I am “professional” I don’t feel compelled to always be super sophisticated because I’m still just in my 20’s. Plus, an added bonus is that when my oldest child is legally grown, I’ll only be 37; when my youngest child is 18, I will be 45. Suhhhhhweeeet! haha My life will be starting over again when I’m still young enough to enjoy it – and I’ll be mature enough to not make the stupid decisions I likely would have made if I had a chance to really “live” before I had my kids. YAY ME lol
To respond to something you said in your article, I don’t think parents ever really grasp what we’re doing. It’s impossible because the dynamics of things change over the years. You’re never dealing with the same things. It’s always going to be new. Even having five children gives me no advantage because more than likely, I will go through different things with each of my children … and even individually they will present different experiences throughout the years. Parenting is going to always be a trial and error thing. You pray for the best and give them all the wisdom you can at any given moment.
Hi! I’ll start this by saying that I’m 26 and not a mom.
I totally envy you for being a young mom. I want to have kids and everyday that goes by I feel like I’m wasting precious time and that I’m getting older and older.
I think young moms have the edge because they can relate better to thier kids and have more energy. I hope I can become a mom while I still have some of that left!
Great blog, btw. : )
Funny thing is I WAS a young mom, first kid at 20 and second at 22. Then I had the audacity to have one more at 34! I still feel like a young mom regardless and I am grateful to know what it is like being a mother at both ends of the age spectrum. I hope I can do as good a job with last one since my energy levels are not the same as when I was 20 😉
I’ve often thought about how great it will be to still be “young” when my daughter becomes a teenager. I hope that I’ll still be “hip” enough for her to want to shop with me, talk with me, etc. I think that a very large generation gap is definitely a barrier in relationships with children, especially teenagers, so I’ll be glad that I won’t be that far away from my children!
Great Post! Although I’m 30 now and not necessarily a “young” mom, having had the experience of being a young mother will always be special to me and despite the difficulty, there are things I have grown to love about being a young mother. One of the things that I have grown to love about being a young mom is that my kids have had the chance to know their grandparents and great-grandparents. My parents were in their early 20s when I was born so my grandparents were relatively young then. My ten year old has had the chance to become close to all of my grandparents, her great-grandparents, something that may not have been possible had I been in my 30s when I had her.
I know what you mean, Tara, and I think about the future frequently. When I’m 30, my son will be 12. When I’m 40, he’ll be 22. One of the things I like about being a young mom, is that I can relate more closely to my son. There isn’t such a huge age gap there that I’m just some stuffy old person he won’t want to be around, ya know? I’ve thought about it a lot, and I know I’ve told you I’m terrified to ever get pregnant again for obvious reasons, but if I were to have another child, I am determined that it will be before I turn 30. I absolutely do not want to be pregnant after I turn 30. If I adopt, then after 30 is fine. But, among other reasons, my body had enough trouble when I was 18, and the risk of more complications goes up significantly in your mid thirties. So my self-imposed cut off age is 30. Does that sound crazy to you? Maybe I’m crazy…I don’t know. But I definitely know that I will always feel sad and left out if I never can experience a full term pregnancy. It will always be a void in my life, if I can’t experience it in my lifetime. Of course, I’ve had other amazing opportunities and experiences with my wonderful little boy, and I don’t regret him at all, but I’ve always wanted to have the amazing experience of a full term pregnancy and healthy birth of a child. Its like the story Welcome to Holland. Have you ever read it? If you haven’t, I’ll send it to you. It is beautifully written and explains so much.
@Katie – There is so much I want to say to you after reading your comment, but I don’t think this is the proper place. I might have to push up that trip to Chicago so we can have some one-on-one girl chat!!!
As a former “teen-mom” who now is very close to hitting 30, I can definitely relate and promise that you’ll indeed still feel like you’re always a young mom at heart. Even though my kids are older (my oldest is now close to her own teen years!!!), I find other women who were teen/young moms are the ones I always have been able to relate to the most.
~krismom
P.S. Thanks for the Twitter follow! 😉