As part of the writing process for my book, I’ve been throwing myself in every pregnancy and parenting book on the market. If you name it, I’ve probably read it.
I pulled out What to Expect When You’re Expecting a few weeks ago, because I remember thinking the book answered a lot of questions about the physical aspects of pregnancy and new motherhood but left me feeling clueless about the rest of it. Like, what about ME as a person, not just the ME as a mom?
It also made a lot of assumptions. Tell me why single moms are only mentioned TWICE in the whole book (which is more than 500 pages long, mind you). Oral sex (mentioned on four pages) gets more discussion than single moms do. Wow.
Then there’s no mention of young motherhood at all. Which is fine because young mothers were not the target audience for this book. But this question and answer in the book got under my skin a little. I’m glad I didn’t read this section when I was pregnant:
Question: “I’m thirty-eight and pregnant with my first – and probably last – baby. It’s so important that it be healthy, but I’ve read so much about the risks of pregnancy after 35.”
Answer: “…It’s been theorized that this new breed of women (older moms) make better parents….Because they are older and probably have had their share of the fast lane, they are now less likely to resent being tied down by a baby. One study showed that these mothers were generally more accepting of the demands of parenting and displayed more patience and other qualities that are beneficial to the development of the their children…”
Aww, how wonderful. Older moms make better moms. Like I said, I’m sooo glad I didn’t read that while I was pregnant.
I admit it – I am not the world’s most patient mom. But you know what else? I don’t know patient I’d be at 35, dealing with a newborn for the first time, having lived three-plus decades doing my own thing, coming and going as I pleased. I don’t know if I’d be able to deal with the realities of parenthood any easier, just because I’ve blown out more candles on the birthday cake.
If there is anything I’ve learned from being a mom, it’s that your kids come when they’re supposed to. You might think this is bad timing – you wanted to move into a bigger place or get a better job or get married first or finish school, but the truth is, there’s a method to the madness. There’s a reason why your kid needed to be born in a certain year, in a certain month on a specific day. Their birthdays are no accident.
It is then your job to love them up, and raise them in a way that makes you proud, and take care of your little gifts. I know some days are better than others, and you wish you could have more quiet and less screaming. But they are here for a reason. Maybe that reason hasn’t revealed itself to you yet. But it will. Give it time.
i totally agree with you! boy im glad i didnt read that book wen i was pregnant for the first time too! I got pregnant wen i was 20, which in my society ( a liberal muslim country), is shunned upon, thankfully the father of my child stuck by me thru it all even though people from his family were saying things about us, he married me when i was at 7months, we now have been married for 3 years and have two beautiful little girls whom we adore, the youngest, tameera is just 7 months.
Wanna know wats funny? the thing you said about babies being born at certain times for a reason. i totally agree with you, my first daughter was born on the same day as my little sister( when kaiyisah turned 1, her aunty turned 18, how cool is dat!), AND on top of that, our second daughter, she JUST missed doing the same thing, my hubby’s little sisters birthday is on 1st september, but tameera decided no more sharing bithdays and came out on the 2nd sept! the ironic thing?? If she did come out into the world on the 1st of sept and shared her birthday with her aunty from daddys side, she would have turned 1 this year and her aunty would be turning 18
cool eh? I just KNOW theres a reason for everything. Even if you didnt plan it. Like babies before the wedding carriage 
cheers luv~
I totally agree! Everything happens for a reason and like it or not, understand it or not, it’s the way it’s supposed to be.
I only read parts of What to Expect When You’re Expecting when I was pregnant. I didn’t like how it was written, I didn’t like the layout, and I never finished reading it. But it is just rediculous that the author makes the assumption that older moms are better moms. That just makes me mad.
I never liked “What to expect…” for many reasons. I remember reading part of it and taking it back to the store the next day. Someone needs to inform the author that patience is not always learned, for the most part it’s a personality trait. You’ll either have it or not in your 20’s, 30’s or 40’s. I know alot of 30+ regretful, non-patient moms. But I digress.
I agree. I believe all children come for a reason. I miscarried before my daughter and just this past February. I was upset with both but I’m finally realizing that I most likely miscarried for a reason. My baby girl and the baby I’m pregnant with now are here on there own time. It took a while for me to accept that being the planner that I am.
I was never a big fan of What to Expect…I preferred the other one–what was it, “Girlfriends’ Guide to Pregnancy?” It was full of honest, funny stuff, and the sorts of things no one tells you….
I became a mom at 29, so I guess that means I suck according to What to Expect! Oh well!
😉
I cannot remember if I read the book but you are absolutely right…children come when they are supposed to. I know many women who are in the “perfect” situation and cannot conceive. It doesn’t matter how they got here, how old you were when you delievered or if you were married or not. There is purpose attached to their lives.
You are so on point!! I was a mother at 17; my daughter a mother at 16. We both finished school, got married, and bought homes before we reached the age of 25.
Now, I’m 41 years old, a grandmother of five, two biological and three by marriage. My youngest child, and the last child at home, will be graduating in June, turning 18 in July, and heading off to the Navy in November.
I have done my job! I am proud of myself! I am proud of my children! Most importantly, I have no regrets!
My kids came right on time and now I’m enjoying the benefits of being a “young” grandmother. Life is good!!
When I was in college, I was studying human growth and development. In the textbook, it featured a picture of a young single mother and said that this group was more likely to abuse their children due to poverty and lack of education. I was horrified! Young single moms are held to a higher standard and looked down on when in actuality women have been having babies in their late teens and early twenties since the beginning of time.It is only the materialistic society that tells women when they should have a baby. Consumerism and discrimination at its very best.
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