I can sum up my entire breastfeeding experience in two words: pink milk.
First time I put my son to my breast he chomp, chomp, chomped away. I pulled back and looked at him in horror. “No, no, no,” I’m thinking to myself. “He’s supposed to suck, not chew. WHY IS HE CHEWING MY NIPPLE?”
The lactation consultant came in, all bubbly and cheery. “How’s it going today?” she asked.
I just looked at her.
“Oh, I know that look,” she said, picking up on my cues and sitting beside me on the bed. “Let’s see what we’ve got here.”
I pull out my boob and try position my son in the football hold. I bring him to the breast and as soon as he gets close, he starts chomping again. Not sucking. But chomping.
“Oh my,” the consultant said softly.
“Oh my?” I think. “Oh my? The lactation consultant is not supposed to say that. They are supposed to be calm and wise and have all the answers.
My son kept chomping for most of that first week and into the second week. And then into the third week. I would do all the little tricks the consultant showed me to get him to latch on without biting, but damn it if that little boy didn’t just want to EAT. Nom, nom, nom.
By the time he turned one month old, he was up to 12 pounds. He ate every 90 minutes. My poor nipples looked the part. They were red, peeling, numb. I tried every remedy I could think of or Google, but nothing really helped because I didn’t get a long enough break for them to heal properly.
One day I positioned him to eat and of course, he chomped on me. I pulled him back and looked down. My nipples were dripping pink milk. As in, my nipples were bleeding, mixing with the milk. I began to cry softly. This is not cool.
I called my mom and asked her to come over. When she arrived, I handed my son to her, then went in the bedroom and took a nap. I didn’t hold him for almost 48 hours, instead pumping milk for him and soothing my boobs in between. It was clear – we needed a break.
But once my nipples healed, I went back at it. I never really felt that bond that other moms rave about but I felt good about feeding him something that my own body produced. That was pretty cool.
But I did not feel guilty once I had to go back to work and I gave him formula. I did the best I could and that’s all I ever ask of myself.
I do think moms need to at least attempt to breastfeed. Try it. Give it time. Know that it might not be easy. Set a goal for yourself. Say you want to breastfeed 3 months, 6 months, 1 year. Heck, scratch all that and just take it one day at a time. Do not be intimidated by the lactation consultant. They are there to help you.
The decision to breastfed is so explosive these days. See this illustration?
Yeah, it’s heated out here. Do your research, make your decision and stick by it. As long as you are acting in what you feel is the best decision for you and your baby, after weighing all the pros and cons, don’t let anyone make you feel bad for your decision.
Does breastfeeding make you a better mom? Share your breastfeeding stories in the comments – can you beat my pink milk?
I tried breastfeeding, but it just didn’t work out. My son wouldn’t latch on, and he if he finally did, after sucking for about 30 seconds, he’d slip off and begin to cry. I just couldn’t do it. I was so worried that he was going to starve (kind of an exaggeration, I know, but that’s really how I felt, that I switched to formula. He was happier, and eating. I was happier. And he is a perfectly healthy toddler now! I don’t regret my decision to formula feed at all.
And no, I don’t think breast feeding makes you a better mom at all! As long as you are feeding your child and giving them the proper nutrition they need to grow, you are doing fine.
Oh, OUCH, Tara! You’re story just makes me hug my chest in sympathy. When I was pregnant and thinking about breast vs formula, I honestly wanted to go with formula. Not that the entire internet world needs to know this, but I can’t stand to have my breasts touched. So I figured breastfeeding would be a time of misery, rather than a time of bonding. So I just assumed that I’d formula feed. Then my son was born. And you know how early he was. I didn’t even think about formula or breast milk then, because he couldn’t have either. Then 3 days after he was born, the nurses finally were given the go ahead to try a tiny bit of milk/formula and see how he reacted. (He could only be fed through a feeding tube, only 1cc every 8 hours) So the nurse sat me down and told me how important breast milk is, and how it would help my son. I agreed to try and pump milk for him. Let me tell you, that breast pump was my worst enemy. And I felt so horrible, because I could never pump much milk, even when I was pumping regularly. Looking back, it was probably because I was so stressed out and I wasn’t eating or drinking. But I could only pump about 20cc’s max in each breast. I kept at it for a few weeks, and I just kept getting less and less milk. So I stopped. And then my son got really sick. He got something called NEC, necrotizing enterocolitis, which is basically a infection of the intestine, making the intestine wall weaker and likely to rupture. It requires immediate surgery if it gets really bad. Luckily, it was caught soon enough and treated effectively, and my son didn’t need surgery. But babies who drink breast milk are much less likely to suffer from NEC. And let me tell you, I felt so horribly guilty. And its not to say that formula causes this, but since there is a higher instance of NEC in formula fed babies, I felt so guilty. I know he still could have gotten NEC if I had kept pumping, because eventually I would have had to supplement with formula. But I still felt horrible at the time.
Great post. Brings back hideous memories — I too had bleeding nipples, plus mastitis (headache, fever, chills) plus a baby with reflux — so after the worst pain imaginable trying to nurse him, he’d chuck it all up (and yes it was pink) 20 minutes later. The lactation consultant told me to put the baby on his back, get on all fours, and feed him like a cow. That was not helpful.
People will be horrified to hear this, but truly, it was one of the best bonding moments of our lives when I gave that baby his first bottle. We were both just so damned relieved.
It took me a long time to get over my guilt — I cried for days and days — but sometimes breastfeeding just doesn’t work out, and mothers shouldn’t be judged over it.
And just to close the loop: that bottle fed baby is now a straight-A honor student, with zero allergies, zero weight issues and zero health problems. So yeah, breast is best, but second-best is just fine too.
@Tracy – Oh, I forgot all about mastitis. What an evil little ailment, especially for new moms who are already tired and sore and the last thing they need are rock hard boobs and feverish feeling. I had that with my son and didn’t quite know what it was. Thought I was just getting sick. Horrible, horrible memories. I guess I blocked it out!
I really wish there wasn’t a war about this. Formula, breast milk, or a combination of both, it really doesn’t matter. Every mother has to do what’s right for her and her child. From day 1 my son has had a bit of formula. I had a C-section and couldn’t produce anything for a few days. No colostrum, nothing and he was a hungry little sucker. When my milk did come in we couldn’t get the latch thing working so I’d pump and give him a bottle. 3 weeks later I got an infection in my scar and he had side effects from my antibiotics. So, he had formula exclusively until I finished my meds. He’s 5 months now and breastfeeds like a champ but I don’t produce enough for him so we supplement with formula. Are there days where I feel bad that he can’t exclusively have breast milk? Sure, but I have to remember that he’s getting nutrition PERIOD. Ok, that was a lot longer than I had planned. LOL
Oh honey. I’m so sorry. I had 3 kids and 3 different experiences with nursing. Keep that in mind if you have any more children…
That advertisement makes me ill. As a mom who breastfed 3 kids and DID feel that bonding experience, it makes me furious to think of the pressure that mothers get from BOTH directions to feed their babies the “right way.” To add the emotional baggage of a bottle in a coffin is just disgusting. You can present the facts, but do so in a tasteful way. And don’t just give ONE fact; let’s see all of the factors that are present in the families that are represented in bottle-fed famlies vs breastfeeding families. I’m thinking that the majority of breastfed babies are with their mothers full-time or more often than formula-fed babies, thereby allowing them more one-to-one contact with a care giver, which would mean that more crib deaths might be prevented simply by the available attention allowed, NOT because parents chose to give their baby a bottle!
Does breastfeeding make you a better mom? No! Well of course thats just my opinion. There are some people who don’t produce milk or their baby never latches on, does that make them bad parents that they are unable to breastfeed? Absolutely not. Its an extremely personal choice, though I do feel that new moms are pressured to breastfeed from doctors and nurses and articles that say it’s much better for your baby than formula. I decided to breastfeed my lil mama and luckily didn’t have any problems producing milk or with her latching on. When she was about 9 months I introduced her to formula. Do I feel like Im a better mom than someone who chose to give their newborn formula? Absolutely not.
Wow….just. Wow. I tried breastfeeding but my daughter absolutely refused. She tried for about 5 seconds the first time but I guess it just wasn’t moving fast enough for her so she stopped trying. My ex went and got me a breast pump because we were determined to breastfeed. It was going really well for the first two weeks (except for that time I just started leaking right in the middle of Denny’s) but then shortly after I went into the hospital because I was having chest pains and trouble breathing. The doctors did some type of radiation on me and told me not to breast feed or pump for a few days. Well after I left the hospital I realized I wasn’t producing breast milk anymore. At all. Which really upset me because I had been reading and hearing that breast feeding makes your baby smarter and they will have less chances of developing health problems later in life and things like that. So my baby has been on formula for all but two weeks of her life. She’s nine months old now and she’s very intelligent. So like Raven said it doesn’t really matter, your baby is still getting nutrition. But if I could I would have her on both.
This is definitely a controversial topic! I chose to pump instead of nurse for 6 months and had a good experience with that. I hope to do that again (along with supplementing with formula if needed) when we have another baby.
Here’s one thing I don’t get about your post though. At the end you say that women should make an informed decision that’s based on what’s right for her and her baby. But above that you say every woman should attempt to breastfeed. So which is it? Are women who choose to bottlefeed from day one intelligent and wise enough to make that decision or not? Breastfeeding isn’t just a feeding choice; it’s a lifestyle. One that many women know isn’t for them.
No I don’t think breastfeeding makes you a better mom. Regardless of breast milk’s obvious nutritional superiority. It’s a very personal decision. And it’s one of many decisions that we make as parents.
@Michelle – Thanks for your question/comment. I do think every woman should attempt to breastfeed. And by breastfeed, I actually mean “give the baby mom’s milk,” not necessarily the act of breastfeeding itself. That’s where I fall on the spectrum. But if pregnant moms know they want to exclusively bottle feed, that’s okay by me. I am not in the business of making women feel guilty or less than. I say try it, if you don’t like it and the stress or discomfort is getting the way of you actually enjoying your baby, then make the decision that’s best for you.
I was one of those moms who waffled a bit about breastfeeding. Was I gung-ho about it? No. I thought, “Let me try it and give it my best shot, and see where it leads us.” I ended up breastfeeding for six months with my first and three months with my son. Some would look at me and think I’m a punk (lol) because I didn’t stick it out longer. *shrug*
It’s unfortunate that so many of you have had negative breastfeeding experiences. I thankfully haven’t had any roadblocks – despite the fact that I had a c-section, returned to work at 6 weeks and have PCOS. We are still going strong at 13 months and loving it!
Has it always been easy? No! But I thank God for the ability for my body to continue to nourish my child.
The first few weeks of breast-feeding my oldest was a lot like you discribed. She had a furocious latch that pulled the skin from my nipple, literally. But, I kept at it and within the first three weeks, I was healed, I had helped her perfect her latch, and we were pro’s, nursing every 90-120 minutes. She never drank much, she was just slow.. But I ignored the pain, stuck with the breastfeeding, and didn’t wean her till she was 10 months (and started teething). Because of my experience with my first, my second child and I were breastfeeding pro’s. It’s such hard work, but if you stick with it and bear the pain, it is SOOO rewarding!!!!
Thanx for the blog!
I find that add really offensive. There are so many other variables that can cause an infant to die… I did not have the opportunity to breastfeed my oldest daughter. The heart condition she was born with necessitated that she be fed enriched formula. From day one, the doctors needed to know exactly how many calories she was taking in, and they were measuring what came out! For the first 6 months, she never drank more than 1 to 1.5 oz of formula at a time, and that took a half hour to achieve. I never second guessed that decision, even though I got the stink eye plenty when we were out and people would see me with a bottle. Fast forward to daughter number two, I chose not to breastfeed her. My oldest daughter was 18 months old, and post operative and I felt like I could not do it. I am glad that my husband was able to share that responsibility with me.
It always kills me how people/organizations have ads about breastfeeding yet I wonder if the people who make them fully understand the pain that is associated with breastfeeding. For me breastfeeding was WAY more painful than the actual birth. She was too hungry and I could not produce fast enough. I tried to work at it for about 2 months but I couldn’t handle it. I don’t believe breastfeeding makes you a better mom, I just don’t think it is for everyone.
i jave four kids ranging in ages from 16y-14 months and i made an attempt to breastfeed each of them. i got the mastitis,thrush,bleeding nipples,etc all that stuff with my first three. but that was due to not knowing what I was doing and not communicating with my lactation consultant. but each time i breast a kid i did it longer and longer, thefirst one was 3weeks,the second one was 6 weeks and the third one was 3months. then i had my last child(she is actually my last as my tubes are tied) and i knew it was ride or die this time, that i wouldnt get a do over on this so i read everything that was available and googled what wasnt. talked the lactation nurse before i had her and explained whar had been going on with the previous 3 kids and she gave me to this wonderful godsent hands on chic who when i started out having difficulties (wasnt latching on correctly ) she had me come in, and she actually held my breast and my kid and showed me what to do…. im still feeding her, she WONTstop nursing now@14 months!!
The comments on this post make me sad. It is real evidence that most women, unfortunately, don’t get the proper support to breastfeed. Most women don’t understand the normal behaviors of a breastfed baby. Most women don’t know how to breastfeed because we don’t ever see other women breastfeeding, and poor latch and positioning cause tons of problems. The truth is, there is a huge difference between breast milk and formula. The truth is that bottle feeding does pose real and serious risks for babies, not to mention that moms miss out on the many health benefits of breastfeeding to themselves if they give a baby formula. The bottom line is cow’s milk was created for cows, not humans. Breastfeeding allows your baby to reach his true potential. I hope that moms who want to breastfeed are able to find the correct information and support that they need. If you didn’t or couldn’t breastfeed, please don’t say “there’s no difference.” It’s simply not true. If anyone would like help being pointed in the direction to accurate information about nursing, or needs some support, feel free to contact me.
I too had a horrible breast-feeding experience as my munchkin was also a chomper. I did it off and on for about 3 months before finally throwing in the towel. I think the thing that made it particularly difficult for me was that I expected it to be easy. After all, it’s the natural, the way nature intended right? Boy was I wrong about that!! If there’s a next time around, I think it will be better because I’ll be mentally prepared instead of blind-sided like I was the first time around.
I breastfed both of my children. My daughter is now 1 year old and I breastfed for 8 months. It was hard and painful in the beginning. But it was one of the most beautiful experiences I’ve had as a mommy. It made me feel so close to my children.