I wrote this post called “Should Married Folks be Clubbing?” a while back, and I realized I hadn’t ever really explored that topic here, as it pertains to moms. Just when I thought I had run out of things to write about, right?
I have not been to a club since my oldest was born three years ago. But truthfully, I had only been “out” once or twice before I had her, so I don’t think I’m missing much.
I asked the moms on our Facebook page, “Should moms be clubbing?” and the page blew up. Within minutes, we had 20 comments.
Most moms were in the YUP, MOMS NEED TO PARTY WITHOUT GUILT side:
Barbara wrote:
There are a lot of people who are very quick to place mothers in the same category as a nun or saint. It’s as if, once you become someone’s mother, you are no longer allowed to be a woman/an individual/etc. Being a mother is NOT a death sentence nor a license to be dull.
Itxel wrote:
All mommies are women and deserve to feel sexy and have fun once in a while but never forgetting that after motherhood, priorities are much different, and motherhood is FIRST.
Erica W. wrote:
Becoming a mother doesn’t equal giving up your life! Since when did going to a club make a woman a bad mother? So what if your kids see you going to a club…what exactly is wrong with that? As long as you’re taking care of home and carry yourself like a lady, I so go for it!
Then there are the moms in the STAY YOUR BUTT AT HOME (kinda) camp:
Latonya wrote:
I do think we should choose wisely the places we go. I don’t have a problem with drinking or dancing, but quite a few clubs I have been to have ended with fights and shootings so for me I choose not to go to clubs because you never know what will go down that night. Of course, I understand that all clubs are not that way. I personally rather not risk it.
Erika K. wrote:
Choosing to have a child young means being different from your peers. You still have the urge to keep up with your friends but you cant. I tried being 22 and a mother and it took some time for me to meld into the role. Every chance i had a break, I wanted to let loose like the rest of my friends but soon realized a baby and a hangover dont mix.
What side do you fall on?
Like you, Tara, I haven’t really been out since my daughter was born. I went to a bar a few times, but only because a friend of mine hosts kareoke on Saturday nights there. I turned 21 in February and I have yet to go to a club. And living in Vegas people look at you like you’re speaking a different language when you tell them you don’t go out much. But I’m all for it. I agree with Erica W. As long as you know that home comes first and you’re not tryna keep up with the “childless chicks” then I say go for it! Do what makes you happy!
Are we going with complete honesty here? If we are, then I have to admit that my first response was “of course young moms should never go clubbing!”. But after sitting down and really reflecting on it (which I had a lot of time to do, because for some reason you’re site wouldn’t open most of the day for me…) I’ve realized that I can only say what is right for me and my lifestyle. As long as other moms aren’t neglecting their children and spending money that should be spent on food for their kids on drinks at the club, then who am I to judge? For me, I’ve never gone clubbing. Never had the desire, now or before I got pregnant. But I did spend a lot of time at friends’ houses, hanging out, doing a lot of things that I really shouldn’t have been doing. I completely changed the way I live after I got pregnant, and even more rigidly changed after my son was born. I don’t go out without him, unless I absolutely have to (for class, doctors appts, etc). So that limits me to kid friendly environments. I love my life now. I have a direction, I’m proud of myself. I’m not mindlessly hanging around anymore. Since my son was born, I’ve gone to see maybe 4 movies with a friend. In almost 4 years. And I feel horribly guilty leaving him so I can go have fun without him. I was born to be a mom. I love spending time with my little guy, teaching him, nurturing him, and playing together. It makes my whole life worth living, and I have no desire to go clubbing. But hey, if another mom has a different lifestyle than I do, then more power to her. As long as she’s not abandoning her child to go have a good time while her child is neglected, then I see nothing wrong with her enjoying herself some. We need to stop jumping to conclusions that just because a young mom likes to have some time to herself with her friends makes her a bad mom, because it doesn’t. As long as she takes care of her children, then she is a good mom.
I definitely fall on the side of Mamas should stay there butt home. It should be a different kind of going out but clubbing should not be one of them! I’m sure we had our time to let lose and party now its time to sit back and relax and be a mother.
Should mommies be clubbing? Should daddies be clubbing? Should my sister be clubbing? Should my mom be clubbing? I am not one to judge anyones actions UNLESS it interferes with their parenting. Everyone has an outlet and if dancing is one of them then thats great. Some moms choose yoga or pilates or shopping or a glass of wine, then should mommies not exercise? shop? drink a glass of wine? I feel way to often clubbing gets a bad rap because people associate it with dark, drunk girls grinding up on guys. Yes, some people choose to act that way and others (alot of others) go to have a good time listen to some music and dance with the girls. As long as your child is being cared for then whats the big deal?
I think it is fine for a mom to go out every so often and shake her groove thang at the club. It would be wrong if she was closing down the place every weekend, or neglecting her kids to do it, but moms put too much pressure on themselves (and other moms) to be omnipresent with their children. We are not doing them any favors by being up in their face 24/7, especially when we know we need a minute to ourselves.
Whew..let’s see..when was the last time I’ve gone out to a club? Well, the last time I’ve gone dancing was in December and it was at a casino that has a club inside. It contained a more mature crowd and they definitely were not about to tolerate fighting of any kind. They played a variety of music where the 60+-year-old couple alongside my friend and I, were able to relate to and move to it. It was A LOT of fun. If I ever go out, it’s definitely among a VERY mature crowd rather than my peers.
The last time I’ve attended a party alongside my peers was probably about 2 years ago. It was then that I decided I wasn’t really interested in that type of scene anymore and I shifted my focus to my daughter, school, and work. I haven’t turned back since. =)
I do believe that it’s ok for a mom to go out as long as she’s not spending the diaper/formula/school supply money on her leisure. Moms have very hectic and busy lives and they WE deserve a little release therapy.
I believe all mothers should go to the club, spa, wine bar, casino and any other place she needs to go to remember she was born an individual and became a mother. Most of the time us mothers forget that we are women who happen to have children. As the old saying goes…”when momma ain’t happy, no one else is either.” If taking time for yourselve means hanging out for a few hours, I believe you should “do you.” As long as the kids are taken care of, your bills are paid and you are not doing anything that you would be ashamed to tell your children you DESERVE a break. And what you do when you get your break is your business(unless it ends up on youtube.) lol
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I’m not too sure where I stand. I don’t think going out is ‘wrong’ but it shouldn’t be the only thing you think of. My days are so busy I really don’t have the time to go out. I usually go ‘clubbing’ like twice a year. On my birthday and maybe a date night or girls night.
.-= Lua´s last blog ..It’s Wednesday so…. =-.
I certainly fall on the “YUP” side of that. I’ve lived in NYC my entire life. I turned 21 living in NYC, had my 1st drink in NYC, and my 1st club experience in NYC. NYC had a fabulous night life and since I was a WOMEN first before I became a mommy, I say yup! I think when ppl think of moomies at a club, then think of piss-drunk mommies grinding all over strange men and dressed in skimpy clothing. Hmmm… Definitely NOT always the case. I also think that ppl think of clubs where people are shooting and mommies are in danger…also NOT always the case. At least not the clubs in NYC that I go to. I was one of the 1st in my group of friends to have a baby and while it has changed the way that I interact with all of my friends, it has not changed my desire to have a drink w/them and dance with them at a nice spot every once in a while. It doesn’t affect the way that I parent my son b/c even if I stay out till 3am, I have to wake up early to care for him, get him to swim class, and to his scheduled play date. So I have my fun and he has his. It’s a win-win situation. As long as clubbing doesn’t interfere w/parenting…why judge? We never, ever know someones situation. Good dialogue though.
I’m on the yes side. Just because we are mothers that does not mean that our lives end. We just adjust. I think we start playing a dangerous game when we say “oh you’re a mother now, you need to be on lockdown until your kids are out of the house.” As long as my family isn’t neglected I’m going to enjoy myself everyone once and a while. It makes me a more relaxed person and the family benefits.
.-= Rae´s last blog ..11 months already =-.
I think once a woman has a child she should put away childish things. If you’re going to the club to have fun, it’s cool every once in a while. If you’re going to meet someone ie. hook-up, stay at home with your kids.
.-= Cheryl Pope´s last blog ..Teach Your Kids To Do The Amiya =-.