It was like the planets all aligned.
First, my husband decided at the last minute to go to his family reunion, 10 hours away.
Then, my father called and asked if he could come and get the kids that same weekend.
I would have the house to myself for 24 hours.
That has never happened before.
So I kissed my husband goodbye on Friday morning and took the kids to my parents that afternoon. The countdown was on. What to do, what to do?
That night I went to my favorite Chinese food place and ordered takeout. Popped in a Netflix DVD and polished off my shrimp curry. Look at the clock – it’s only 10:30. Hmmm…do I go to bed? Or…do something else?
The house was so quiet. I couldn’t get comfortable. At any minute I expeced my daughter to call out for juice, or my son to need a diaper change. I was expecting my husband to come and plop on the couch next to me, trying to turn the channel to ESPN.
And then it hit me. I don’t know how to entertain myself because I’ve never had to. I’ve never really lived by myself, or done things on my own. I had my daughter at 20, got married at 21. I went from my parents house to living with my then-boyfriend and daughter.
I need to figure out what I like to do. What I like to eat. How I would like to spend a lazy Saturday if given the chance. I want to figure out what’s my favorite movie. I want to get my closet in order and learn how to give myself a decent manicure. I want to discover my personal style.
My challenge is that my kids are already here so any self-discovery I do will have to happen around their lives. And I guess that’s okay.
Do you feel like you knew yourself well enough before having kids? Speak on it!
A whole 24 hours? Alone? I’m jealous!
Tara, I felt the exact same way when I first married My husband. I was confused about who I was alone, because like you, I’d never been alone. I was the baby in the family, so I went from mommy and daddy taking care of me until the age of 21 straight to having a husband and then some months later, being a new mother. It took me 4 years to figure out who I really was. It is way harder to find yourself as a young mom. I’ve somehow learned to explore myself even if it does revolve around the little people’s schedule.
I appreciate this post. I am going through the same kind of thing right now while my daughter is with her grandmother. She’ll be there for two whole weeks. I have this problem where I put all of my energy into one thing and right now at this point of my life that is my daughter. Now that I have this time I can connect who I was before with who I am now and try to better understand how to balance that and keep those parts of me when my daughter and I are back together. Whether that be waking up extra early to get some reading/writing in or eating at my desk while working and taking my lunch break to get a mani/pedi or a new ‘do I am working on navigating how to better use my time. I definitely knew who I was before I had my daughter, but she/the process of caring for her taught me so much about myself.
Wow, what you are saying is so true and I am so glad you had that time to yourself and stop and think about stopping to think (hehe) Having a little self time is wonderful, like when I play hookie from work and half way through the day I realize I am bored and wish I would have went to work…Thank you for this because it made me stop and think what I do when I get my rare moments to myself and the answer is nada I do nothing and I would love to figure out some awesome spots, great book to read, organize my shoes, etc. Enjoy reading your blog always, thanks!
I feel the same way! Whenever my son goes to his grandparents house and my fiancée is at work…I’m at a loss with what to do. Most of the time I just end up cleaning or watching TV the whole time because I don’t really have any hobbies anymore…as sad as that sounds. My whole life is my son, my fiancée, and school…I don’t really know anything else!
I’m just waiting on the day to have the house to myself. I would sleep it all away! Cause Momma needs it!
I haven’t had the entire house to myself yet, but my husband and I always say that we don’t know what to do when my mom takes Tubs for a night or whatever! Tubs is such a significant part of our lives, it’s kind of hard to function properly without him! You want that break SO BADLY, and then when it comes, all you can think about is your child. It’s crazy!
.-= Erica & Pinot Grigio´s last blog ..I suck at introductions- =-.
Aww alone time. It’s funny bc when I get the chance to be alone, I do nothing. Or at that’s what my friends say. All I really want to do is read or journal…just have quiet time. As mothers we rarely have quiet time so when we get it, we go into shock. I have discovered that I can really sit alone, reading and meditating. I’m not the party girl I thought I was.
I absolutely LOVE when I get alone time — although it may be few and far between. I am the quite opposite from you, Tara. Although I grew up in a house FULL (lol) of people, I went away to college, lived on my own, and got to discover who I was. It was when I found myself pregnant and when I had my son that I had to re-discover myself — what that meant for me, him, and my life as a new mom.
.-= Alicia´s last blog ..Doing It Daddys Way =-.
I don’t think I gave myself time to discover me I think I’m like you, tara, in that I have to find myself arounnd my daugher’s life.