Love yourself first

I had the pleasure of being contacted by Nadirah Angail, author of On All The Things That Make Me Beautiful. She blessed me with three copies of her book and I couldn’t wait to crack mine open. My full review (and giveaway!) is coming tomorrow. For now, let’s just say I loved it. For real. Get you a copy.

Nadirah speaks on all the issues that 20something (and younger) women face: self-esteem, taking care of our bodies, not falling for society’s insistence that we change the way we are, how to find a relationship worth keeping, among other things. She speaks the truth and I’m so glad I got a chance to read this book. Don’t miss it.

But I wanted to hear more from this writer, particularly since she is a young mommy herself (young moms stand up!). Check out what Nadirah has to say about life, love and loving yourself:

1. What prompted you to write this book? Was there a particular event or moment when you felt this message needed to get out?

This book started as a blog. People kept telling me to turn it into a book and I kept getting emails and Facebook messages from people saying my blogs were helping them. I finally decided to do it. 

2. For your essays on love and marriage, you speak some real truth about our worth and what we need to do to have successful relationships. What is your best piece of advice for young moms who are trying to maintain relationships while raising children, particularly if those relationships are rocky?

It is so easy to divorce these days, so I applaud anyone with the guts to stick it out. My advice to them would be stay for themselves, not for the kids. When people stay for the kids, their thinking becomes “I’ll stay in this bad marriage so the kids can benefit from having two parents.”  The focus is on the kids. It should be on the marriage. If you want your kids to have the best childhood, then you should work to IMPROVE the marriage, not just maintain it as it is. Growing up with married, unhappy parents is no all that different from growing up with divorced parents. Both partners should be a serious commitment to identify the problems in the marriage and then work on them.
 
3. I loved your essay on battling doubt. I think we all get scared sometimes when it comes time to face our fears or step out of our comfort zone. What would you say to the mom who is on the verge of something great, but fear (and doubt!) is blocking her way? 

I’d tell her what I tell myself: “Stop being a punk!” You have to just force yourself to get over the fear. Nothing is holding you back but you. We all have doubts that creep in, but that is from our weaker selves. We have to appeal to the strong parts of ourselves to have the courage to go after the things we truly want. If you don’t, you’re guaranteed to regret it later. I’m sure we all have enough regrets already. Who needs more?
 
4. Taking care of ourselves was a huge theme in the book. If we do nothing else, we need to take care of our bodies and make ourselves a priority. Give me three simple ways a mom can take better care of herself, so she can in turn be better to those around her. 

 1.) Take care of yourself physically (even if you’re a SAHM who rarely leaves the home). A lot of moms (myself included at times) let our appearance suffer because we get so consumed by our  “mommying.” It’s not fair to ourselves and it isn’t fair to our men. I know I feel bad when I look in the mirror and see a shabby person looking back. If I take the time to look presentable, I feel so much better. I have more pep in my step. (By “presentable” I mean clean and neat, not heels and makeup, though you could do that if you want.)
 2.)Be active. Of course this can help with baby weight, but it also is good for overall health and mood. Moms are often busy, but if we make it a priority, we can work it into our schedule. Even if all you do is a 20-minute walk around the block every day, do something that gets the blood pumping. Our bodies will thank us when we become not-so-young mommies. 
 3.)Be social. Come out of the mommy cave and spend time with other people your age. Your brain needs the stimulation. Your spirit needs the rejuvenation. It also helps ward off depression, which, unfortunately, is a serious issue with moms.

5. What, if anything, do you want readers to take away from this book? Or, do you want them to come to their own conclusions?

I want people to make their own conclusions, but also I’d like them all to walk away knowing the true value of women, which has nothing to do with our cup size, body measurements or hair length. We are competent, intelligent, compassionate beings who deserve so much more than what pop culture is willing to give us.

For more information on Nadirah, visit her website at www.nadirahangail.com.