Can I just pause for a moment and tell you how much I love the discussion we have on the Young Mommy Life Facebook page? I mean, for real. If you haven’t “Liked” the page yet, please hurry up and do so, in order to give your two cents to the moms who rely on us for support and advice. The world said (good) young moms don’t exist – so we said, “Screw you!” and made our own support group. Love it!
Today’s question comes courtesy of a mom I’ve known for years. Years, I tell ya. I have a son so I’m interested to hear what you all think about this issue.
A mom writes:
I have a complicated issue. The other day my son and another child were in time out, because they hit each other. Now knowing my son, I’m sure the other child hit him first. So then the question becomes, do I tell him not to hit or hit back when someone hits him? I don’t want my son to believe that violence is okay. He is a very even-tempered boy, however he’s a boy and growing up, other boys are going to hit him. I don’t want him to be bullied and grow up and not be able to defend himself. I just feel like boys will be boys!
Hmmm…this honestly has me stumped. I try not to spank my kids because I don’t want them to think hitting is okay (I’m really, really sensitive to violence.) But at the same time, I can’t have my kid being a walking, talking punching bag, especially if I’m not there to help them out. They do need to be able to defend themselves.
It’s partially why I’ve always been drawn to martial arts, and the way you’re able to gracefully protect yourself. Maybe some karate classes are in his future?
What do you all think? Should we teach our kids it’s okay to hit if you’ve been hit first? Are the rules different for our daughters?
I may be in the minority on this, but I will absolutely teaching my son to hit back. I’ll teach him that hitting first, in anger is wrong because you should be able to come up with other ways to diffuse your anger (talk it to, tell a teacher, leave the situation, etc). But, if another child hits you first, you should absolutely hit them back (once) with an equal amount of force. Not sure how I’d feel if I had a daughter, but I’m thankful that I don’t have to think about raising a girl.
.-= MrsTDJ´s last blog ..A Little of This and A Little of That =-.
I may be in the minority on this, but I will absolutely be teaching my son to hit back. I’ll teach him that hitting first, in anger is wrong because you should be able to come up with other ways to diffuse your anger (talk it to, tell a teacher, leave the situation, etc). But, if another child hits you first, you should absolutely hit them back (once) with an equal amount of force. Not sure how I’d feel if I had a daughter, but I’m thankful that I don’t have to think about raising a girl.
.-= MrsTDJ´s last blog ..A Little of This and A Little of That =-.
Good question. And since I have a son, I wish I knew “the answer.” My son will be 3 in October so he’s still young. Right now, I do not teach him to hit back. If I see that he victimizes other kids, I tell him in front of the victim NOT to hit and that hitting is not okay b/c it hurts the other person. Then I apologize to the victim and ask Aiden to apologize. But I don’t force him to apologize b/c I don’t want him to say sorry unless he MEANS sorry.
Then I remove him from the situation. I want him to feel empathy towards others so that’s my goal in that situation. I also do the exact same thing if I see another kid hitting/victimizing him. It’s the teacher in me.
When I was a teacher and had to break up “fights” between 3rd graders, I’d place myself right in the middle of them and teach them that it hurts the other person too.
Umm… this seems to be working.. right NOW! But when he is older, I may just teach him that defending yourself is perfectly fine if you’ve tried everything else.
.-= alicia´s last blog ..As Long As I Get To Keep My 4-inch Heels! =-.
I teach my preschool students that hitting, punching, kicking, etc is NEVER okay. If someone hits them, they need to use their words and say “I don’t like that. Please stop hitting me”. If the other kid doesn’t stop, they are to get a teacher. Hitting is wrong and just because someone wronged you first doesn’t mean you get to do something naughty too.
I only have one daughter right now, but boys or girls, when my kids are older, I will tell them to walk away from a fight.
.-= Michelle´s last blog ..Im so proud of her =-.
As a girl with 2 brothers who grew up in Brooklyn and mommy of a boy at this early in the game I will not encourage hitting because I don’t want him to be the bully all the moms complain about (he’s only 1). However, when he does reach school age I will def teach him to defend himself but w rules. If someone hits u make sure you tell whoever is in charge, if it continues then give him what he’s asking for. I know that as he gets older this will change but I believe that boys should be able to defend themselves because boys will be boys.