Picture this: New Year’s Eve. 5:30 p.m.
I’m sitting on the couch with several different pizza menus in my hand, trying to figure out which place we’re going to order from. Only, in my mind, there is no choice because I’m craving wings from a certain pizza joint, and why order wings from one place and pizza from another? Too many deliverymen at my house. I don’t play that.
My husband looks over and puts in his vote for the place I DON’T want to order from. “Let’s just get some Papa John’s,” he says.
Now, I don’t know about you, but I am TIRED of Papa John’s. They are everywhere and for every stinking event at college they ordered Papa John’s pizza. I’m over it.
So I told him I wanted pizza and wings from the local pizza place, the one where the guys always bring my food to the car because they know I’ve got little kids with me. Now THAT’S quality service. Normally this wouldn’t be a big deal but my husband must have been feeling the same way about Little Shop Around the Corner that I felt about Papa John’s.
I begin to start my usual “If I don’t get my way, ain’t nobody in this house gonna be happy” routine. You know, extra sarcasm, not-quite-so-friendly tone. I’m not actually serious – I just want him to think I am.
Then I notice my daughter sitting quietly by my feet. She’s putting together a puzzle and I can tell she’s listening even though she’s carefully avoiding eye contact with me. I see her shift her eyes up to her dad to look at his face. I stop what I’m saying mid-sentence.
In looking at her face, I could tell she didn’t get my sarcasm. She thought I was mad at her dad and it made her uncomfortable.
It got me thinking about how I talk to her dad all the time – how I sometimes feel like I don’t need to bite my tongue, because hey, we’re married and he accepts me warts and all. Or how I get impatient. Or any number of the “bad relationship sins” I commit on a semi-regular basis.
For what it’s worth, I think I have a good marriage. But this brief incident shook me hard (on New Year’s Eve no less!). My parents never sat me down and gave me the “this is what marriage should be like” speech – I took notes from their example. I want my kids to have the best example possible.
So to the best of my ability, it’s all or nothing.
Even if it means I have to eat Papa John’s.
Great post!
I had a reality check when I read these two posts from Single Dad Laughing:
http://www.danoah.com/2010/11/worthless-men-and-women-who-make-them.html
http://www.danoah.com/2011/01/mom-pushed-daddy-out-door.html
I’m definitely going to keep my own sarcastic, my way or the highway ‘tude away from our house.
Sometimes, we don’t realize how we’re acting, or that we’re hurting the people we love most.
Yay for reality checks!
.-= jess; [the bottle chronicles]´s last blog ..Pictures of Our Christmas Festivities =-.
Great post! it only takes a moment or a tiny little something to really make you think about things.
I think that is very positive and very good advice for wives. I myself don’t think to bite my tongue when it comes to my husband sometimes, I realize this is not good esp. when there are little ones present. Even more so for little girls who learn at an early age how to act with men. I think it is very important for us as women to show our little girls in particular that marriage to a man is not about gaining the upper hand or being difficult and controlling but about compromise and keeping each other happy. Great Post!
Great post, Tara. It does take our babies to help us see what we want to get better at sometimes. This post resonated with me because my daughters often speak to each other the way Kris and I speak to them, and sometimes, that’s with a high level of impatience and a low level of compassion (real talk!), and I am reminded that I have to check that before they view that as the norm!
.-= Execumama´s last blog ..Godspeed on your 2011 Journey =-.
Thanks for this post. My son is only 5 months old and I’m really trying to think about what I say to my husband when I’m upset especially when in front of the baby. It’s hard to be a role model.
@Claudia – It’s definitely hard when the kids are younger because of the added stress. But it’s just about taking a deep breath and saying exactly what you mean to say, and watching how you say it.