by Alicia Harper
I recently met a good friend from high school for lunch.
We hadn’t seen each other in quite some time and decided to finally catch up.
During lunch, I learned the reason we hadn’t seen each other for so long: she had been traveling.
A lot. And pretty much all over the globe.
As I sat across the table from her, I found myself feeling a little jealous. Okay, I felt more than a little jealous. I felt as though she had been busy living my life. The life that I planned for myself while in my 20’s.
Then a bit of sadness set in. Just a little. Then, all the mixed emotions, both good and bad, I felt when I found out I was pregnant with my son set in.
Becoming a mother in my early 20’s was not in my plans. At all. While I instantly and easily loved my son, loving the life of a young mother was, err, not so easy. All of the struggles, all of the trials, all of the slip-ups, all of the times where I felt as though my friends were living the life that I was missing out on…
For months after my son was born, it was an uphill battle to accept my new life as a mother. A young mother. I swear it took me like forever to find my young mom niche. As I sat across the table from my long time friend who’d done nothing wrong to merit my emotions, I realized that by simply talking to her, all of the previous mixed and ambivalent feelings I felt towards motherhood were being reactivated in me. Not good.
But as quickly as those feelings came, I got rid of ‘em. Because I’m not in that place anymore. And then it happened. It suddenly hit me that the reason we hadn’t seen each other is not only because she is living her life, but also because I am living my life.
Yes, my life as mother to my beautiful and amazing son. Maybe it’s not the one that I planned for myself in my 20’s, but it is the one that I am blessed to have.
At that moment – where I totally shut out all of those negative I’m-missing-out-on-something-great feelings – I was so very proud to be a mother. At that moment, I proudly wore my Young Mommy badge. At that moment, I embraced motherhood – young motherhood – like never before.
It took me awhile to get here, to feel confident in my mommy niche. But I’m here. And I realize that my life has purpose now. A new purpose. One where I get to experience first-hand the wonders of sticky kisses and tight hugs and tiny-finger tickles and funny faces and lots of laughter.
Traveling around the world is down right dope. But everyday, I realize more and more that motherhood is dope to the third power.
They say “life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans,” and I couldn’t agree more. Now when I travel, I get to do it with my son. We get to visit new places, learn new things, and experience the world… together.
And that’s just fabulous.
Alicia is a NYC mommy, blogger, and full time graduate student at Columbia University. Her life is filled with all things pink, except for a little bit of blue — her rambunctious 3-year-old son. Together they make a great pair and Alicia blogs about her trials and triumphs of being a young, single mother at Mommy Delicious. You can also find her on Facebook and follow her on Twitter.
love this post… and can totally relate. I was there once and then I had my ‘eureka’ moment- and not a moment too soon. I too am besotted with our daughter.
yey for us young mummies! : )
.-= Mrs O´s last blog ..Then and Now – Mrs O Update =-.
Mrs. O, you are so right! Those “eureka” moments can’t come a moment too soon — always right on time.
.-= Alicia @Mommy Delicious´s last blog ..Single Mommas Gone Crushing =-.
I loved your article…very honest. I loved the part where you realized that not only is she living her life, but you are living yours as well. We do learn with these little people – ALL THE TIME and that is so rewarding. I wouldn’t trade mine for anything in the world. The poppa maybe, the baby…never. Now you got your little road dawg to accompany you around the world and seeing the world with him compares to no other companion, I’m sure.
Kudos to you!
.-= Traci´s last blog ..Pretty Wings =-.
Mmmm Traci… you better preach! Traveling with my lil man has already been great and I cannot wait for us to see more of the world… together!
“The poppa maybe, the baby… never.” Speak it. Email me. Let’s talk!
.-= Alicia @Mommy Delicious´s last blog ..Single Mommas Gone Crushing =-.
Ms. Alicia! I’ve been all over your blog and the FB page trying to find an email address and simply can’t! Let’s chat…princesslavette at gmail.com
Smooches!
.-= Traci´s last blog ..Pretty Wings =-.
i sooo agree with you traci and the article..i am 24years old and my son is 6months old..i do still have those moments when i look on my facebook page and see all the people posting pics going out and having fun..but i think that is my EUREKA moment when i realize that all that stuff will be there a year from now and still on the radio you’ll hear “this is the hottest place to be on a saturday night”…and then my son will be one..i enjoy the fact that i get to change poopy diapers and get spit all over my face when he drools..those are things that i would miss being at the club…and the dad he is missing out on everything, and that stuff may not matter to him but being a mother is something that i love to do and choose to do not something that i have to think about or wonder…and from day one was not scared about..
There are times when I feel like I’m “missing out” by having 3 small children when most of my friends don’t. But in my mind I just fast forward about 5-10 years when my kids will be just about out the house and they will just be getting started :-)….at that point I’m sure they’ll be envious of me b/c I’ll still be young, looking good, kids will be almost grown
.-= Erica´s last blog ..Am I Beautiful Too =-.
Love it! And it’s so true. That’s usually what gets me through the, err, rough moments. Just kidding. Not really.
.-= Alicia @Mommy Delicious´s last blog ..Single Mommas Gone Crushing =-.
Oh, this is me. Except I was pregnant at 21, and I have a daughter, and 15months later, I had a Chemical Engineering degree. This my dear was my life. But now, I have a great paying job as an engineer and I am only 24. Life gives back what you give. Give it your all like you are doing. Columbia University? Baby, you are on the right track. Hading over to your blog right away
Blessing
info@workingmomjounal.com
http://www.workingmomjournal.com
I’m a new mom and can totally relate to this post. I’m the first of my closest girlfriends to have a baby, so with that comes some feelings of lonely and left-outed-ness (lol). But, my baby is my focus now and I’m loving and embracing every part of motherhood and how much more rich my life is.
.-= Amber´s last blog ..Self Serve Beauty =-.
Amber, I can totally relate to the feelings of loneliness. That WAS me for my son’s first few months. Sigh. But good for you — concentrating on your son is what matters most right now.
Cheers!
.-= Alicia @Mommy Delicious´s last blog ..Single Mommas Gone Crushing =-.
Unparalleled accuracy, unequivocal clarity, and unndeaible importance!
It really does take experiences like this one, and reflecting upon them afterward, to remind us that the grass is not always greener on the other side. While you were busy admiring her jet-setting life (and who wouldnt envy that!?) she was probably feeling a touch of green herself hearing stories and seeing pictures of your adorable and sweet Aiden.
I know right, Yakini! In fact, she couldn’t even get enough of those pictures and funny stories. She thought they were great! And, you know what, they WERE great. Because motherhood IS great.
.-= Alicia @Mommy Delicious´s last blog ..Single Mommas Gone Crushing =-.
Oh my goodness! I was just talking about this yesterday. I have experienced these feelings in the past as I saw friends study abroad in Europe and do extensive traveling. I think that we all have to through a transitioning period where we let go of what was in order to thrive in what is. Like you, I had to realize that I will get to do those things but I will be doing it differently (with a husband and 2 babies). And, that has its own beauty!
“And that has its own beauty.” WORD! #thatisall
.-= Alicia @Mommy Delicious´s last blog ..Single Mommas Gone Crushing =-.
Awesome post!!!! I think we can all relate. Even though I was older when I had my son, I can still relate. I think being a mom takes a lot to take in at any age, but especially when you’re a young mom. Congrats, you are a great exmaple to a lot of other young moms out there. Just because you have a child doesn’t mean your life is over, it just means you are starting a new one …
xoxox
A
.-= Alex´s last blog ..No Diaper Bag Necessary =-.
Awesome post!!!! I think we can all relate. Even though I was older when I had my son, I can still relate. I think being a mom takes a lot to take in at any age, but especially when you’re a young mom. Congrats, you are a great example to a lot of other young moms out there. Just because you have a child doesn’t mean your life is over, it just means you are starting a new one …
xoxox
A
.-= Alex´s last blog ..No Diaper Bag Necessary =-.
@Alex – I love that – “Just because you have a child doesn’t mean your life is over, it just means you are starting a new one …” Wise words you got there!
I think this is so beautiful! Every path is different, but not necessarily better than another. I wish more people would realize this.
.-= Denise @How Mama Got Her Swag Back´s last blog ..Diva Development- And the Oscar® goes to… =-.
My thoughts exactly, Denise. Thanks for such a lovely comment.
.-= Alicia @Mommy Delicious´s last blog ..In It To Win It- BLISS Gift Card Giveaway! =-.
Alicia, you a very wise mama! The thing is, I don’t know if women are ever ready to give up their single selves. I’m in my 30’s and I still wonder sometimes what my life would be like if I waited even longer to have a baby or if I decided not to have children at all. It’s human nature to glamorize the other side. I imagine it’s just intensified if you weren’t planning to start a family at all. I’m thrilled to watch how you make the best of everything. The only way to be happy is to find the silver lining and see the blessings
xo
.-= Glamamom´s last blog ..TODAY’S SECRET WORD IS…FUN! =-.
Jill, I KNEW there was a reason why I liked you! Tis true though, it is very easy to glamorize the other side. But to see the silver lining on your own side… total sweetness!
.-= Alicia @Mommy Delicious´s last blog ..In It To Win It- BLISS Gift Card Giveaway! =-.
that truly hits home…im still trying to find my niche as well and i can only hope to one day be in that place where i can confidently say thats it dope to the third power
It takes time, Danielle. Give it time. You’ll get there. And when you do, you’ll be so proud to preach that it’s dope to the 10th power! Wink.
.-= Alicia @Mommy Delicious´s last blog ..In It To Win It- BLISS Gift Card Giveaway! =-.
that truly hits home…im still trying to find my niche as well and i can only hope to one day be in that place where i can confidently say thats it dope to the third power
Beautiful post!! Love love love it!
.-= jess; [the bottle chronicles]´s last blog ..Imagine Washing Dishes in THAT… =-.
This post was right on time for me because lately I have been missing the “amazing” single life I had before having my son. And as a single mom, some days I have to remind myself to set aside resentment on this journey amd stay focused on the new journey my son and I are on. We are a pretty awesome little family and I am blessed to be experiencing it!