Guest post: Lose the Negativity

It was my Junior year in college when my then-boyfriend (now husband) and I found out we were pregnant. I did not know how else to think of it. I was working every summer to pay for my out-of-state college tuition, and living expenses.

I didn’t need this. “Not now,” I whispered. I cried all night, but after days of praying and fasting (yes, I fasted), I knew the answer was to keep our baby and move on with life. I was a thriving Chemical Engineering student, getting packed for a travel across Asia, hoping to intern at a major research institute in Hong-Kong. I was ready to see the world. I wasn’t ready for our baby.

I felt like a bad mother, I felt inadequate. Above all, I was ashamed of what everyone else would think. This was not the life I had planned. I was supposed to get a Ph.D, work for a top manufacturing company or for the U.S government, marry a doctor, and live happily ever after.

Well, none of that happened.

I decided to face my own problems head on. First, I wrote down a list of what not to do.

:: Do not skip class

:: Do not drink or party

:: Do not think about what people might say

:: Do not listen to hear-says

:: Do not cry about your failures, because they will come

:: Do not fail to see the beauty in life

My list kept growing longer once I got faced with resistance, negativity and friends who felt superior and looked down on me. But I never gave up on myself, my education, my daughter and my husband. Family members who were against getting pregnant outside of marriage sneered at us, but my then-boyfriend stood strong for us. We got married 2 months before the arrival of our daughter. I took finals just days after my c-section. It was an experience I could never forget. It made me stronger.

Two years later, I have a beautiful daughter, a wonderful husband, an amazing job, and a beautiful home. This life is way better than the life I ever imagined. It came with a lot of challenges, tears, agony and labor of love. Nothing came easy, but I chose to dwell on the positive every step of the way.

The purpose of my short story is not to say I was fortunate or that I was a better person. Its because things happen in our lives, and we sometimes choose to dwell on the negative and we forget to envision a positive side of the coin. A perspective that we choose to ignore because of the pain that we currently bear.

::Create an Affirmative Statement –  The power of affirmation helps create a positive mental attitude, It is a clear picture of your goals, what you are currently doing to achieve a great goal for your future.

::Create a Not-To-Do List – These are things that you will never bring yourself to do no matter how great the problem is. The moment you find yourself doing any of these things, you are on thr wrong track and you need to re-focus.

::Focus on Being You – A lot of times, we even question ourselves on who we really are. One time I cursed in front of my daughter and I stared long and hard myself at the mirror – this is not me. I knew it was time to get back on track. Create a list of your good qualities and see if you exemplify this daily. This helps you stay off your not to-do list, helps you stay positive and focused.

I hope that you can make time for to write a “not to-do list” when you face an adversity as humongous as this. I hope that you get down on your knees and ask for guidance. I hope that you are not afraid when faced with problems, but that you see a potential for achieving success.