Last year I found myself in Charlotte on a business trip. The only person I knew in Charlotte was my blogger buddy Leah from OMommaWrites.com and I was really eager to meet her. She has such a kind and beautiful spirit and since we’re both young moms, our stories are somewhat similar.
We met up and sipped smoothies together and inevitably started talking about the men in our lives, as women tend to do when they feel comfortable.
Leah started talking about household chores and how men just don’t understand how helpful they could truly be.
“…and you know, I just ask that he load the dishwasher….” Leah said. And I swear to you, in that six seconds, everything in life made sense.
You see, ever since we got a place that had a dishwasher (Hallelujah!), I’ve been on an unsuccessful mission to get my husband to do the d*** dishes.
Not wash the dishes by hand, not dry them by hand, but simply put them in the pretty little machine we bought that washes them for us.
I cook breakfast, lunch, and dinner 7 days a week now and while I am aware that I contribute to most of the dirty dishes, I don’t feel like it’s asking too much to if I want to wake up to an empty sink and clean dishes in the cabinets.
But it’s like my husband has some sort of allergy to the dishwasher. He just can’t seem to understand that dishes get dirty EVERY day, and EVERY day they need to be washed.
I realize it’s a silly thing to be fussing about. But still. This matters to me.
When Leah told me that she’s had the same conversation with her husband, living in a different state? We’re from two different backgrounds and we’re both fussing about the same thing? Finally, it clicked for me.
Realize: Whatever little issue you’re complaining about with him, there are thousands of other women complaining about the same thing. This doesn’t mean that you don’t work on your issues, but just remember that it is not unique to the relationship between the two of you. Don’t go running thinking “this isn’t going to work out” – because you will likely have the same issue with the next guy.
Hi Tara!
I couldn’t get over the juxtaposition of these two posts. I read the article below first, and then read this update from you and I just to share!
http://yourlife.usatoday.com/sex-relationships/marriage/story/2011/05/Men-relax-best-when-wives-are-doing-housework-chores/47266972/1
wow! i love this post! i don’t have a problem with the dishwasher yet (only getting married next year) but it makes so much sense when applied to other situations! its so easy for us women to over think things and think that it is the end of the world and no one will understand and so on, but thinking that someone somewhere in the world is going through the same thing as me does help to put things into perspective and not think of the door every time there is a problem…
I’ve definitely had my share of “Will you just do that d*** dishes already?!” when I was with my ex. It’s true what you say — the situation is not unique to that particular relationship. Other women in other parts of the country are thinking the same thing. I love the way you broke this down!
You are right on point with this one, Tara! Issues are, in many cases, uni-freakin-versal. When you’re in a committed relationship, do the work because “the work” will likely carry over to the next guy/gal!
Glad you share this!
So, true. Thankfully, I don’t really have a problem with my husband doing household chores. It’s just that his cleaning mode comes and goes in spurts. And sometimes those spurts happen to come when I’m trying to relax and he’s like let’s clean up. We’re established that we should do a major cleaning at least once a week and then do daily cleanings like the dishes and sweeping everyday.
There are solutions to problems, but it takes communication and not gearing up to walk out the door every time you have an issue.
Love it! Repost!