When my daughter was about five or six months old, I marveled at how fast she was growing up, and how often I was busy with work and school and other stuff that always seemed to creep up.
I wanted to put her first in my life, but I also had bills to pay. I landed a decent internship that morphed into a full-time job and I snatched it with both hands. The salary was nothing to sneeze at and – finally – we would be financially stable.
I made a pledge to myself that by the time she entered kindergarten, I would be self-employed. I would be able to create my own hours and set my own schedule. I would be my own boss, spending my time on projects that actually meant something to me.
So I began blogging when I came home from my full-time job. Because I couldn’t really get started until the kids went to sleep, this meant I was up working until well after midnight most days. I had no life outside of work, this blog, and my family. Most of my friendships withered, if not solely because of my new focus, then it was definitely a contributing factor.
But I knew that I had to create some additional income, but the clock was tick-tick-ticking and kindergarten was going to be here before I knew it.
Then, I got laid off, luckily. I say luckily because instead of stepping out with no safety net, I had a bit of severance pay and unemployment benefits to tide me over ’til I could pay the mortgage on my own.
I hit it hard. Within two months of getting laid off, I had made almost $3,000 freelancing for different clients. It was a lot of work and I was bone-tired most of those days, but damn it, I was going to make it work for my lifestyle. And I have.
Whatever your goal is – whether it’s self-employment, or a satisfying career as a nurse, or a lawyer, or a corrections officer – it is up to you to take that first step. And then the second step. And then the third.
I talked earlier about doing things that scare you as a way get to the next level. But it takes more than that, obviously.
I want each of you to be happy with your career. Not just have a job and go there every day to punch a clock and count down the hours until it’s time to go home. But to be truly fulfilled with your passion.
We have every right to earn money doing something that we love. We do not need to necessarily curb our dreams and desires because kids came along. Uh-uh. We still push forward.
You might get discouraged because people might not support your goals. You say you want to go back to school and people ask, “Where are you going to get the money? Who’s going to watch the baby? When are you going to study? How in the world do you think this is possible?”
I’m telling you – it IS possible.
It is true that your priorities change, your viewpoint shifts and your life is no longer only about you once you become a mom.
But it’s also important to remember that you are still you. You are still the person who would lay in bed and think about winning a Grammy, or being in med school, or anything else that crossed your mind.
The best advice I can give you? Don’t get held down by one dream. Dreams are flexible, they adapt to different circumstances. Dreams are something that you control, that you can build. If one dream looks impossible, twist it sideways and see what you come up with. There is a way around any roadblock – whether you have to go around it, over it or even under it.
Of all the young moms I’ve met over the years, they have been determined and motivated, driven to succeed by any means necessary. They’ve overcome great obstacles and are still standing, ready to share how they did it. I want to add you to that list.
I talk more about finding your passion and getting on the path to success in my latest book, Make It Happen. Get your copy today.
LOVE IT!! Great advice! When it doesnt work one way, try, try again!
Very inspirational post. I agree that dreams can be adjusted. Being a mom of two, I am learning to find different avenues to reach my dreams. I am also realizing that I may lose some friends along the way because some friends are only for a season.
Whew! I’ve got shivers, Tara! You just went ahead and broke it all the way down! Love it! I feel the exact same way. I remember when I was a senior in high school and I told people that I was applying to NYU and Columbia. They all looked at me like I was crazy. Crazy. Some even said, “how are you gonna pay for it?” When I told them that I also applied for scholarships, someone said to me, “You talking like you already got accepted and got the scholarship.” And then she rolled her eyes. I’ll never forget that — the way she doubted me. Everyone did. But I believed and I pushed. And I got it — the acceptance letters from both schools and the full scholarship. I wasn’t a mom then, but I definitely had many obstacles to overcome.
Then I got pregnant right after graduating from college. And everyone thought my dreams were crushed. And I thought so too, for a moment. But like you said, I looked sideways (LOVE that description!). And I found a way to go to grad school and set new goals for myself. It may look a little different than what it was before, but the dream is still there. And I’m still making it happen. I’ve got to. I’m depending on it. Aiden’s depending on it. The stakes are too high for me to fall flat now.
Girl, how come when I read your posts, I feel like you’re talking directly to me? You are truly a voice of the young mommy generation.
I’m also very blessed to be doing something I’m extremely passionate about. I teach business technology to high school students, and I. AM. SO. BLESSED. I’m wrapping up my fifth year of teaching, and each year I love it even more. Many people assume that teenagers know everything there is to know about technology – what a joke! Most teenagers know nothing more than the Internet, smartphones, and all the “play” stuff. Ask them to open an Excel spreadsheet and construct a basic formula and watch how many you lose. Ask them to query a database. Shoot, ask many of them to type (without look at the keyboard) and watch the look of confusion you get. So I’m lucky enough to be in a job that requires me to update my skills regularly (NEVER bored), and gives me the opportunity to show teenagers how to let technology work for them. When those kids have that aha! moment, like figuring out that complicated formula in Excel, that is one of the sweetest feelings EVER.
With this going back to school thing…I struggled with the thought of going for a third degree. I finished my bachelors and masters all before I was a mom, so going back after having my daughter felt selfish and greedy. I was already a “working mom” who was out of the house eight hours a day — how DARE I go back to school?
But, like you said, you “twist that dream sideways” and get it done. My daughter still gets ALL OF MY TIME before and after work. That was my main concern, and I’ve made it happen. At night when she goes to bed, and during her naptime, that’s when mama “goes to school.” Sure, I’m exhausted most of the time, but this won’t last forever. It’s just a temporary thing. In a year, I will have reached my goal and shown my daughter that with a little hard work (and maybe sleep deprivation), you can do what you want to do.
Great post, as always, Tara.
Reading this post just made me feel even more confident about the decision I just made…thanks Tara!
I’m sitting at my job program throwing myself a pity party. Thanks for the encouragement Tara
I am so happy that I found this blog! You are amazing. Thanks for taking the time out to write this blog & all of your others, they are definitely very helpful for a twenty one year old mother like myself.