By Tamara Floyd
Sometimes as a pregnant woman, you feel like you’re in a race against the clock.
Society has already preconditioned us to think that once the baby comes everything stops for at least a year or two. Stress and anxiety build as you scramble to complete projects and finally get some ducks in a row.
For kicks I wrote out my “double B bucket list” or “before baby” bucket list. Of course most of these are long term goals vs. short term goals that can’t be accomplish in less than nine months.
As a responsible adult, I wanted to be financially set and well established in my career before having my first child but being a grownup I understand more than ever that life happens.
Here’s my list:
- Graduate from college
- Be Married for 10 yrs (this was seriously do-able; I got married at 20)
- Make it to my 30s’ before pro-creatin
- Reduce debt to living expenses and student loans
- Build successful business and subsidiaries
- Travel overseas at least once
- Average single monthly income $3,000
- Ultimately take over the world.
What is or was on your before baby bucket list?
Tamara L. Floyd is a branding, media relations and product ambassador that specializes in new media marketing and promotions for corporate, non-profit & entertainment industries. Her and her husband, Benjamin A. Floyd of five years were married in their early 20s and now are embarking on their newest lifetime commitment of parenthood in this fall. Floyd is also the creator of www.naturalhairrules.com, a site dedicated to encouraging others to be who they are naturally by nurturing themselves from the inside out.
“Society has already preconditioned us to think that once the baby comes everything stops for at least a year or two.”
Tara, I’m a HUGE fan, but can we be honest here? That statement is a teensy bit true. Or at least, I’ve found that in my case. That first year of breastfeeding a baby takes a lot of time!
Oh, yes, I feel you. It does seem like you will not be able to do anything but be tethered to the kid until it can walk and talk. And that’s somewhat true. But I know that I managed to finish my degree while taking care of a newborn. Was not easy but it reminds me that you can accomplish great things with a baby on your hip.
I never had the chance to have a before baby bucket list. I got married at 20 and had my first 2 children at 20 & 22. Now that I think about it, I still don’t have a bucket list. Looks like I need to start making one!
I wanted to get my degree and I did. I wanted to visit a romantic place with hubby, and we went to Paris. I must say I did most of what I wanted to do before baby. bady is due in November.
The only thing I had on my before baby bucket list was to be married. I’m not, and my first baby is due 11/11/11. I just turned 29. The past decade since I have lived away from home has been awesome. I finished my bachelors degree, traveled extensively in and out of the country, partied, had great jobs, started a business and made so many lifelong friendships along the way. I’m grateful for such a fulfilled life. I can’t ask for much more, but marriage is still on my “to do” list.
Before I had my first baby, my goals were very simple: I wanted to have a degree, be married, have a stable job in a career that I love, and own a home. We were blessed to have everything happen in that order. Now that we’re planning to have Baby #2 soon (maybe a couple of years from now), my list is different. I want to pay off most of our debt (we’re getting there), get another degree so I can make more money, and work on a few other things before making that next big step. I’m praying we can meet those goals, too, before having Baby 2. This thing called life takes lots of planning! Whew!
My list included plans to move to New York, attend Fashion Week in Paris and Milan, write for a major fashion magazine, write a book, finish college, get married and be financially stable.
Well, of course. Moms can do anything. But sometimes I worry that we moms expect so much out ourselves that we don’t talk about how hard it really can be…and that it is ok if we choose not to do it all at once..
@TBL – I agree. There is a lot of pressure on us to perform well at work, have an immaculate houses, great relationships and then look like a million bucks while taking care of kids all day. It IS hard. And trust me, I’ don’t believe in sugarcoating the truth.
I’m a young mom of 22 going on 23. I have two kids already. I had a lot of aspirations growing up but forgot about them when I met my boyfriend, my sons dad. That relationship was very dysfunctional and ended after 3 years. I fell in love again and con-sieved without intention. I absolutely love my kids but I constantly think about what life would’ve been like if I would’ve waited. I know remember all the dreams I had, but feel I’d be selfish to accomplish them now that my kids depend on me and need me. Its so hard to be young and committed, sometimes I even start to feel bitter. I’ll take any advice you can give please!
@Kay – I always say that one of the best things a mom can do for her kids to be fulfilled. Yes, once you have kids, your priorities should shift. But making yourself happy doesn’t necessarily mean your kids will suffer. I was 22 with two kids and I remember feeling like I was suffocating some days because I just wasn’t where I thought I’d be in life. But the moment I decided to stop acting like my dreams died the moment the doctor said, “It’s a girl!” the happier I’ve felt. My first piece of advice to you is to let it all out. Write a letter to yourself and let out all that bitterness. Say why you’re upset, what you feel like you’re missing out on. Don’t try to censor yourself. Then step back and look at that list. It is possible for you to still do those things, albeit in a modified way? I wanted to be a writer – I started a blog. I wanted to take vacations and travel – now I travel with my kids. It IS possible to do everything you dreamed about. I say go for it. It’s not selfish – it’s calling being true to you. Your kids will thank you!!!!