I’ve been taking stock of a lot of areas in my life and I realize the one big thing that’s missing…is the romance. Most of our dates consist of eating takeout on the couch and I make sure to wear my sweatpants (or leggings…anything with an elastic waist) to make sure I can throw down on my food properly. Not too sexy, but hey, I’m comfy.
But perhaps I’ve gotten too comfy.
When my husband and I first started dating, it was epic. Like, he would go clean out his car before he came to pick me up and I could smell that he had vacuumed the interior. I would spritz my perfume in three special places, slip into my favorite sky-high pumps, and prepare to have a ball. And while we never did anything too fancy, it was awesome just to be with him, giggling about whatever, and enjoying the smell of his cologne.
Now when we go out, like most parents, we struggle to move the conversation away from what latest antics our little ones are up to. So I implemented a new “rule” when we go out: 75% of our conversation has to be non-kid related.
Well, this weekend my parents decided to watch the kids Saturday night for us. I had been in high-stress mode all week as I was finishing up the semester so a date night sans kids sounded pretty good.
“So what do you want to do?” my hubby asked as he leaned against my shoulder.
“I don’t know,” I replied. “Anything sounds good.”
“How about we get some takeout and rent some movies?”
“I like that.”
So off we went. We stopped at the dollar store first to get some stocking stuffers for the kids and then got some Chinese food (which I love, love, love!). We rented 30 Minutes or Less (really funny the last 30 minutes or so) and Captain America (eye candy for the ladies, action for the fellas). Afterward we just laid on the floor, laughing and cracking jokes.
It was fun. It felt like how we used to act on dates back before the kids were born. I was just…me. I wasn’t worried about the bills or my career or whether I needed to go grocery shopping or anything. It was a really nice date that I really, really needed. 
I realized part of the problem was that I’m always so preoccupied with everything else that’s going on—upcoming doctor’s appointments for the kids, what’s for dinner on Tuesday, who’s going to remember to sign our daughter’s school forms—that romance is really impossible. I learned that I must compartmentalize—focus on one thing at a time and really try my best to give my husband my undivided attention.
For those of you who are married or dating with kids, is it hard to focus on romance when you’ve got a million things to do?
For us its hard to go on dates, period. Even before we had Archer. We don’t have s lot of family around and sitters are very, very scarce.
Girl yes it’s hard! But I realized that it is possible with a TON of effort… Last Saturday we had a great date night post bedtime for our son just going through old pictures of us from first date to present. It was so nice to just sit and be, like you said
Anything that involves laughter is the best love & romance boost…lol
It is difficult to focus on romance when your mind is consumed by other stuff. My mind has been on a lot of stuff lately and my hubby had his list of things to focus on so our quality time together had diminished. This past weekend we were blessed to be able to hang out without the kids, and it was great. I hopeful that we will at least start taking at least 1-2 nights per month to just enjoy each other’s company.
Yup it’s hard. Our dates are family dates, we go out with my daughter, since we don’t have anyone to watch her that we trust. Difference is, we get her dressed up and prettied too. Kids act really different when they’re dressed up.
Other times when we’re home we do our best to talk about everything everyday after the lights are out and our daughter is sleeping.
I am looking forward for the time for it to be just me and him again on our dates.
My husband and I became parents last year, and our dating life has definitely struggled since. We’re hoping to turn that around now that the kiddo’s a little older and I’m somewhat over my new-mommy separation anxiety. Hopefully! 😉