by Sarah Tierney
I wish I could say I was a pro single parent. A year and a half later I’m still forgetting to pack an extra set of clothes for daycare or bring their little book of immunizations when I go to the pediatrician. But if those little mistakes are what I have to work on, then I’m doing a pretty good job overall.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s fricken hard taking care of two children by myself. Sure, they visit their father a couple days a week, but that doesn’t help with my workload. It’s hard not to resent him for not having to worry about the cleaning of constant messes or enormous piles of laundry or mountain of dishes in the sink. All of this after I come home from standing on my feet all day. It’s at that time I start dreaming about the kids’ bedtime so I can cuddle in bed with a book (wait a minute, how old am I again?)
I have to continually remind myself it’s a lot easier now than before. When I first began full-time single parenting, they were two and 9 months and I was struggling hard. I lost my temper easily and often broke down crying in the middle of my living room because I was overwhelmed. Trying to battle with a heartbreak from my relationship falling apart and now taking care of these two beautiful children alone was a lot to handle. On top of that, I had just turned twenty years old.
It took a long while to get my single mama groove. I used chalk to write on my daughter’s bedroom walls “brush teeth and pull ups” because I was forgetting to brush the kids’ teeth and change my daughter out of her undies into a pull up before bedtime. I can count three different times when I pulled Alexis into bed with me because she peed through her undies. There was a load of laundry that could’ve been prevented.
I bought an erase board so I remembered certain days. My daughter’s daycare sent home a cute assignment that involved cutting pictures of our family and pasting them. I thought I’d remember the date until I noticed all the pictures from different families hanging in her preschool a week after the deadline. I completely forgot about it and felt like a failure. So now my erase board tells me what the kids need for what day and when the daycare is closed so I can plan for other childcare. This erase board has practically saved me.
Little things like the chalk (which washes off easily) and the erase board have made worlds of a difference of the effort I’ve been putting in. I don’t worry nearly as much. I used to have to be showered by 6:30am to make sure I had all three of us out the door by 8:30am. Now I can shower as late at 7:45am and still be out the door on time; I just sacrificed straightening my hair everyday. I found that dressing the kids after breakfast but before I shower helps speed things along so when I’m done we just grab our jackets and go!
If I could say one thing to a newly single parent it would be patience. It’s always hard in the beginning but that’s how things get easier: through learning what works and what doesn’t. You’re always going to make mistakes but who doesn’t? If single parenthood was easy, a lot more people would do it! I still plan ahead so I don’t have the kids while I grocery shop and I try to pack little activities so they’re preoccupied when we run errands. Just make sure you take time out for yourself once in a while. Find what’s stressing you the most and try to resolve it. You may not be able to take closed door showers for a while but if that’s the worst of it, you have it pretty good!
Sarah is a 21-year-old single mother of a three- and two- year-old. Between working full time and raising two kids, she enjoys spending down time with reading and blogging.
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