I can admit it – I hover over my kids.
I realized this a few weeks ago when I took my daughter to the bathroom at my son’s preschool (we were early to pick him up) and my daughter looked at me and said, “Mommy, can I go in the stall by myself? You can go in the stall next to me.”
I said, “Sure thing.” And we went in separate stalls.
Now, never mind that she goes to the bathroom by herself all the time in kindergarten. For some reason, I’m ALWAYS in the stall with her in public or in the bathroom with her at home. The girl is never out of my sight.
When we are out in public, they have to hold my hand or be close enough that I can grab them if need be. I’m worried about everything – pedophiles, racists, drunk drivers, mean people, kidnappers, you name it. When did the world start feeling so…unsafe?
While I’m not going as far as to buy bubble wrap in bulk and keep my kids nice and cushiony, I do find myself worried whenever they are out of my sight. Who are they talking to? Do they know the rules about strangers? Do they know about “good touch, bad touch”?
It’s exhausting. I occasionally read the posts over at Free Range Kids and it simultaneously fills me with hope and fear. Who are these moms who let their kids ride the subway by themselves or cook dinner at 5 years old? What’s wrong with me that I don’t feel comfortable letting my kids out of my eyesight at the park?
My mother was the original “hoverer.” Once we finally learned how to ride our bikes, she would let us ride from one stop sign to the other, standing on the sidewalk to monitor our movements and make sure we made it back to the house safely. I thought she was crazy until the day she loosed her rules and agreed to let us ride around the block, out of her eyesight. Wouldn’t you know, a man in a van approached me and my sister, asking us if we’d like to get in his van and help him find his kitty. Good thing my sister and I were such brats. “No, we don’t wanna help you find your stupid cat,” we replied, and pedaled off.
I think that might have scarred me. Just a bit. Because what were the odds that the one time she let us go around the block was the time we were almost abducted. That is crazy.
So yes. I’m still a hoverer. But I’m working on it.
What about you? Do you hover around your kids? Give them space to wander? Where do you fall on the continuum?
I would say that I am in the middle. I will let them go into the bathroom solo at places like Office Depot on a day where there aren’t many customers. I will check to see if there is anyone else in there, and then I will exit the bathroom. I don’t go far usually directly outside the door so I will know if someone else has entered. My husband hovers more in public than I do. I don’t mind them walking back to the children’s reading section at BN alone, he does. I am behind them, but they are quite a few paces ahead of me, and I will stop off to grab me something to read. So far this has worked for us, and I think it is good for them to have some independence. My girls are 4 and 7. They are conscious of strangers, and do not speak to people unless I say it is okay. They are observant even at these ages. In unfamiliar places or busy stores, I hold hands and make sure they know not to leave my range of sight. They have an idea of which places I am more lax. I think how much you hover depends on the child and your personality.
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Sorry, I clicked Submit too fast! I am hoverer as well..unapologetically so. These angels were placed in our care. We’ve GOT to protect them. When I am laxed, they think I’m ill. LOL! Just trying to create balance. Thanks for this awesome post!
Wow, that is crazy!! Did your mom ever find that out? Worst nightmare. I’m definitely paranoid, but I do like to encourage independence in them. We live in a rural enough area that it’s possible to be more a little more laid-back, but honestly, I don’t think I will ever relax when it comes to my kids. The horror stories you hear are enough to make you seriously consider the bubble wrap. All kids love bubble wrap, right?
@Tiny Blue Lines – My sister and I decided not to tell her. And she only found out a couple years ago and you should have heard her! “I knew it! See, I was right about never letting you three outside by yourself!” We were scared we’d never get to leave the house again, so we just made a pact not to tell. Now that I’m a parent myself, I see why she was so mad we kept it a secret!!
I’m laughing, but really, it’s not funny is it? Why are there so many creepers in the world anyways?? Glad you kept safe, and I’m sure you are doing a great job with your kiddos! It’s a hard balance to teach them the world is a good place…but not always?
I try to encourage her to be her own person, but I’m a hoverer. I will hold her hand in the mall or the store. All it takes is one second. In the park, I of course let her play and run around, but there are still rules, she must stay in my sight.
As for the guy in the van, that must have been scary. Did your mom ever find out?
@KalleyC – We only told her a couple years ago. And she FREAKED OUT. “See, this is why I never let you guys go around the block! I knew it! I knew it!” But we liked our new “freedom” so my sister and I made a pact not to tell her. It didn’t scare me back then but it scares the hell out of me now. We didn’t even consider that we could have been kidnapped…we just knew we didn’t give a damn about that man’s cat. Hooray for being sassy six-year-olds!
My mother was a hoverer until my brother and I were about 18 years old. I know what kind of damage it can cause to be a helicopter parent and i try not to do it with my daughter. Sometimes, I just can’t help it but I think I’m more free range with her than my mom was with us.
I would honestly rather hover my kids than to have something happen to them. I couldn’t live with myself if something happen to them because we do live in a really bad world nowadays. I don’t even watch the news….it is so depressing!
This is such a familiar post for me!! I have not wrote it but I feel it!! I am a newbie hoverer My daughter is 2yrs old and I wont let her out of my sight in public places when strangers talk to us I walk extremely fast!! I just hate it!! People always comment on how gorgeous she is and shes only 2 I intend on buying the bagiest and ugliest clothes in the world for her to wear until she is 25!! If she is “gorgeous” now how will she look in 10yrs! If people of all sexes stop us in a grocery store what will happen if I drop her off at the mall in the future or let her walk to school? This world has gotten extremely scary and the feeling of it being unsafe is more normal than Id like!! The fear of having my daughter grow up in this awful world that we live in is much more greater now than ever!! I see little pre teen girls walking around in bikinis and we wonder why there are soo many pedophiles…I swore to myself the day I found out I was hvaing a girl that she is NOT to wear a 2 piece bathing suit until she is 25!! I MEAN IT!! Mothers these days have to take every precaution to keep there children safe!!!
My daughter’s hand never leaves mine. I’m terrified that someone will snatch her. We live in such a terrible neighborhood that you’d be foolish to let your guard down for a second.