8 People Who Make Being A Young Parent Harder Than It Has To Be

Inspired by Scary Mommy’s list. 

1) The not-so-well-meaning old ladies who turn their nose up at you when all you’re trying to do is get in and out of Walmart with the same number of kids you came with. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been at the store or at the park or just in my car and I’ve had to stare down an older woman who glanced at my brood and figured in some kind of way that I was “trouble.” Ma’am (see, I have respect for my elders), I can assure you that I’m A-OK. Please leave me alone.

2) The old guys who think young mom = slut. I hope it’s not just me (well, maybe I do), but even when I was pregnant, I would get hit on by older guys (let’s say 35 and up). First of all, why are you looking to hook up with a pregnant woman? I could see maybe if I approached you, but a pregnant woman obviously has much more going on than just wondering when oh when is Prince Charming going to show up and sweep her (and Baby) off her very much swollen feet.

3) The pediatricians/doctors who think young mom = dummy. When my daughter had her first asthma attack, I took her to the ER and paid very close attention to what happened to her and when, what the doctors did to alleviate her symptoms and what I would do in case of a similar attack. The next time she had similar symptoms, I followed their instructions and when that didn’t work, I packed her up again and took her to the ER. I told the doctors her symptoms (she was wheezing and struggling to breathe and had a persistent cough and fever) and waited for them to jump into action. The doctor listened to her lungs and told me, “No, she’s not wheezing.” And then stepped back as if to say, “Well, what did you bring her in for?” I kind of thought to myself, “Am I the only one who can see that she’s having trouble breathing?” I repeated her symptoms again. The doctor said, “Okay, well let’s give her a breathing treatment.” WHICH IS THE SAME TREATMENT THAT THEY’VE ALWAYS ORDERED, WHEEZING OR NO WHEEZING. I may be young, but I’ll be damned if I don’t fight for my daughter’s medical treatment.

4) The well-meaning folks (?) who give unsolicited parenting advice at every turn. “Oh, you really should be giving that baby solids by the time they’re four months! Here, let ’em have a piece of my chicken.” (Yes, that’s what someone said to me.)

5) The partners who might be scared of parenting but don’t admit it and don’t try to get better at it. You know, as hard as it may seem to be a young mother, I think it might be harder to be a good young father. Because fathers already don’t have that added layer of support and we know that young fathers are virtually ignored. But guys, we need you. Whether we admit it or not, it’s easier when we don’t have to go it alone. When we feel like we can trust you to have our back. When you give us a break when we’re exhausted. The strength of single moms is nothing to sneeze at, but they stepped up when they felt you couldn’t. One of the best things a man can do is say that he wants to be a good father – and then follow through on it.

6) The parents who continue to express their disapproval once the grandkids are already here. I understand being disappointed in being a grandparent before you were ready to be and by no means am I suggesting that you must drop everything and become primary guardians all over again. You’ve raised your kids already and I get that. But in becoming a parent, it doesn’t mean the job is over once your kid hits 18. It means being there to provide guidance and support when necessary and when does a young mom need guidance and support the most? When she’s brand spanking new in the motherhood gig and scared and not sure where to turn. That’s when she needs to hear “Hey, I’m confident you can be a great mom.”

7) The folks who decided diapers should cost so dang much. Yes, cloth diapering is cheaper, but can you find me a daycare that does cloth diapering? If you’re not at home or fortunate enough to have family/friends/cloth-diapering friendly daycare, then disposables it is. It’s awesome when you find a brand you really like but can you a) tell me why I’m paying almost $1 a diaper? What is this madness??? Now I have to go to the warehouse club, get sucked in and buy $100 worth of food after they give me some samples (yum, maple bacon) and all I wanted was some diapers that didn’t cost an arm and a leg!

8 ) The young moms who insist that they can do it “all by themselves.” I know this trap very, very well. I wanted to prove (to who, I don’t know) that I was a capable mother, that I knew instinctively what was best for my children (or that I had the skills to do my research and then decide), and that my children would not suffer because they were born to a mama just this side of twenty. But once I let other people in, life got much easier. I had a friend who, knowing that I had long days and my husband worked long days, would offer to bring over dinner. And I didn’t feel comfortable accepting her help even though she offered all the time. One day I took a deep breath and said, “Yes, that would be a huge help. Thank you.” And guess what? No one jumped out of a closet at me screaming, “YOU’RE THE WORLD’S WORST MOTHER!!” My credit score didn’t take a dip. LOL. Life went on, a bit less stressful, in fact. Understand that if you have people offering you help, take it. If you don’t have people offering you help, ask for it.