It’s been a while since the last “Ask YML” feature, but this young mom reached out to me and I know for a fact that her experience will resonate with a lot of you.
Dear YML, I NEED HELP! I do not know what to do anymore, I have been a single mom for 6 years. I want to go back to school and get a degree in Pharmacy and Naturopathic health, but it is impossible for me to get support raising my children. My mother is gone and my grandparents help some, but mostly they say they don’t want to raise anymore kids and always get an attitude when I ask them to help with the kids. I am so lost and upset, it has been 6 years my dreams have been put off and I cannot take it anymore.Sincerely,
Shed so many tears…
Dear SSMT,
The first thing I want you to do is take a deep breath. Your message sounds like you are on the verge of tears and believe me, I have been there, as have a lot of other readers, I’m guessing. So breathe in and out and remember that your children are blessings not burdens.
The second thing I want you to do is to go get a piece of paper. We always say we want things and then talk ourselves out of it without really looking at the obstacles. We just figure it will be too hard or we won’t make it for whatever reason. But let’s do some research and see what you need to overcome to reach your goals. Here are some questions:
- Where can you go for your degree in pharmacy and Naturopathic health? List all the schools around you that offer it, as well as schools that are primarily online.
- How are you going to pay for it? Can you get a work-study job or qualify for loans or grants? There are scholarships available for single mothers.
- Who is going to watch your children while you are in class? Look into where the other mothers at your school send their children. Find the office for adult students and see if they have any suggestions.
- When will you have time to study and do your schoolwork? I touch on that here.
- How long will you be juggling being a mama and a student? Is it two years? Four years? Think about finishing strong, not about finishing quickly, which is how many mamas end up burned out. I was only able to take two classes per semester whereas other moms were taking five. It’s all about what YOU can handle.
I love this advice. It is so practical. As a mother of four, although not single, I had to juggle with children and work, study or whatever. My advice to this mum is to be patient, practical and not to give up. If she is reasonable in her demands she will manage. I had no one to help with babysitting either… but remember your children are blessings not burdens! My children are grown up now and I am reading for a PhD so I speak from experience. Good luck!
I think one of the biggest things is re-focusing to think about what you can do instead of what you can’t. I think one of the best ways to do that is instead of thinking of this as such a huge task, start breaking it down into smaller pieces and focusing on what steps you can take now to start getting to where you need to be. Instead of thinking “how am I going to handle the next four years” think “What is the next step I need to take” and then work on taking it. Take it one day at a time and one goal at a time, don’t worry about how long its taking you. If you keep making little steps toward your goal and don’t stop you will get there, and you will be amazed at how things will start to fall into place.
I am almost 21 and have 2 amazing little monsters. They are 19 months and 3. I am currently going to school. I thought that I had no other option than to go in to the class but that was most definitely wrong. I found out that I can get all of my needed courses done online and only have to take math on the college campus. This is great for me because I want to succeed. When I was going to the classes I was failing. Now that I can work from home I have had straight A’s. Maybe looking into onlinene courses through the college you are looking at would be a good option for you too.