My mother is one of the most caring women I know. She gives and gives and gives of herself without complaint and has done so my whole life. For the past nine years, she has worked two jobs, sleeping less than four hours a day, to help provide for our family. She has given her all to be a great mother.
But now that we are all out of the house for the most part, she is still in hardcore “mom” mode and I want her to take a break. To sit back and think, “I’ve done a fabulous job raising my children; let’s see what I want to do.” My youngest sister is 21 now and about to graduate college so this is a great time for my mother to get back to herself.
It wasn’t until I became a mother that I realized there was more to my mother than just my mother. She was a woman with her own thoughts and insecurities and goals. And she pretty much did what she had to do to get us to the place where we could be self-sufficient. And now that time has come and I want her to go for it.
My goal as I raise my kids is to never forget who I am besides a mother. I know it happens to a lot of us. A lot. And who can really blame us? Becoming a mother is such a seismic shift in our existence. One minute we’re alone and the next we have a little one who looks to us for their very survival. With such a huge responsibility, is it any wonder that we sometimes get lost in our role?
But I want to remember Tara. The crazy, silly chick who enjoys watching movies with the subtitles on because it helps me with my writing. The goofball who likes to pretend she’s on a cooking show while she makes dinner. The shy girl who pretends she’s on stage at Madison Square Garden every time “my song” comes on the radio. I don’t ever want to forget her. The her before the babies. Before marriage. Before college. When I was just…me.
Do you ever feel like you’ve lost “you”?
I’m probably in the minority but I don’t really want my son to see me as Shikki, at least not while he’s a child. At some point you grow up and have lived enough to gain the sense of empathy that allows you to see your parents as real people but until then I think I’m ok with being “just Mommy” to him. I think there’s a great deal of love, reverence and respect that goes along with being “just Mommy.” I’ll take it.
@Shikki – I don’t mean that I want my kids to see me differently; I mean that I want ME to remember that there is a woman here underneath all this responsibility. To remember that I have feelings too and it’s okay to be “me” every once in a while.
Aha! Ok gotcha! I can definitely agree with that.
Yea, for a while I’ve lost myself to just the “mother” role. While I love being a mommy, I know I am so much more than that. I know as I recapture myself, and my interests, that my kids will benefit from it, because they can see me as a complex person just like them.
Not only that, but it will help me keep myself balanced. To know that I am more than just one label.
I am a comedian
I am a constituent
I am a lover…to my husband
I am a people person
I am self conscious, self-critical, selfish and flawed.
I am a Mother:)