In the process of doing research for a recent article about breastfeeding, I discovered some stats about young mothers’ being the least likely to breastfeed. Only 43% of those under 20 were breastfeeders, compared to 75% of those 30 and up.
I have to admit: If it wasn’t for my mother’s insistence that I breastfeed and that I prepare myself for all that comes with it, I probably would have given up quickly. With my firstborn, I struggled to get that latch right. We got into a groove after about two weeks, with the help of a nipple shield and lots of practice.
But breastfeeding with my daughter was a walk in the park compared to what I went through with my son. With my son, eh, things didn’t go quite so smoothly.
As I’ve written previously:
First time I put my son to my breast he chomp, chomp, chomped away. I pulled back and looked at him in horror. “No, no, no,” I’m thinking to myself. “He’s supposed to suck, not chew. WHY IS HE CHEWING MY NIPPLE?”
The lactation consultant came in, all bubbly and cheery. “How’s it going today?” she asked.
I just looked at her.
“Oh, I know that look,” she said, picking up on my cues and sitting beside me on the bed. “Let’s see what we’ve got here.”
I pull out my boob and try position my son in the football hold. I bring him to the breast and as soon as he gets close, he starts chomping again. Not sucking. But chomping.
“Oh my,” the consultant said softly.
“Oh my?” I think. “Oh my? The lactation consultant is not supposed to say that. They are supposed to be calm and wise and have all the answers.
My son kept chomping for most of that first week and into the second week. And then into the third week. I would do all the little tricks the consultant showed me to get him to latch on without biting, but damn it if that little boy didn’t just want to EAT. Nom, nom, nom.
By the time he turned one month old, he was up to 12 pounds. He ate every 90 minutes. My poor nipples looked the part. They were red, peeling, numb. I tried every remedy I could think of or Google, but nothing really helped because I didn’t get a long enough break for them to heal properly.
One day I positioned him to eat and of course, he chomped on me. I pulled him back and looked down. My nipples were dripping pink milk. As in, my nipples were bleeding, mixing with the milk. I began to cry softly. This is not cool.
I called my mom and asked her to come over. When she arrived, I handed my son to her, then went in the bedroom and took a nap. I didn’t hold him for almost 48 hours, instead pumping milk for him and soothing my boobs in between. It was clear – we needed a break.
But once my nipples healed, I went back at it. I never really felt that bond that other moms rave about but I felt good about feeding him something that my own body produced.
There’s my story. I’m pro-breastfeeding, of course, but I think that a LOT more education needs to be given. I wish I had taken a class and had the freakin’ lactation consultant in the room as I was laboring. I needed that woman in there STAT, do you hear me? There is a hump most women have to get over in order to develop a successful breastfeeding routine and unfortunately, too many of us go into it naive, convinced that it’s the most natural thing in the world, when, for some women it’s anything but.
But enough about me. Share YOUR breastfeeding story in the comments!
Breastfeeding was hard for me initially also. I saw the videos, read the books and thought, “no problem!” Ha! It was tough, and so many moms I knew were quitting because of the challenges. I was determined to gut it out.
It took quite a bit of determination, pain and prayer, but I managed to make it past the two week mark and eventually to one year with my daughter and first son.
You would think after nursing two children, number three would be simple. But as hard as my first two experiences were, this was a whole new challenge. I told my husband on an almost daily basis that I was going to quit. It was painful, I was older and less idealistic. I’m still not sure how we made it, but we did.
I’m not sure if more education would’ve helped me with number 3, but it definitely would’ve helped with my first child to give me the confidence that I was doing things right & only time would help. What most moms need in every avenue of motherhood is a little info & a lot of encouragement – it can make all the difference.
The hospital I delivered in was horrible. No consultant, no help. The nurses insisted that I used formula. It took everything I had to not fight with them just to breastfeed my daughter.
By the time she was 4 months old, she started clicking while breastfeeding. I did everything I could to stop the clicking but she did, so I just went with it. Eventually it did stop (thank heavens).
I didn’t have the support to breastfeed, but I wanted to do it anyway. I’m hoping that with this bun in my oven things won’t be as difficult.
Ok, it must be a boy thing to just chomp away. Jake does the same thing to me, and I was horrified when I saw that I was bleeding too…he was literally drinking blood-tinged milk from biting me. Eek! Aaand he’s up to 12 lbs. at 1 month too. Darn men.
I have to admit, I am all about breastfeeding because of the benefits and–I’ll be honest–the free factor, but I have never been a mom to rave about how much I love breastfeeding. I find it very hard, actually. Never being able to leave, scheduling my time in 2 hour increments, the exhaustion, how everything with the other kids always seems to happen the second I sit down to nurse. It’s hard, I don’t think we should deny it!
With my first child I went into it thinking “Well, I’ll give it a shot and if it doesn’t work out then oh well at least I tried!”. My daughter had other plans. I had no instruction in the hospital but luckily she was a pro. She was breastfed exclusively until she was a year old. Never once took a bottle (not for our lack of trying).
With my second I thought I would breastfeed with no problems cause it was such a breeze with my oldest. Nope! She didn’t want any part of it! She wanted food and she didn’t care where she got it from but she was such a lazy little thing. I suffered through it for 3 months until I had to go back to work then I started pumping. She ate from the bottle like a champ and I really wanted her to get breastmilk so I kept pumping and pumping and pumping. I was able to do it until she was 9 months old but then I started drying up and I had to decide that enough was enough and switch her to formula. I don’t think she even noticed the switch.
I didn’t breastfeed my first-born because I was a single parent, working 40 hours and taking 6 classes on campus to graduate; I had convinced myself that I just didn’t have time to breastfeed. But this time around (I’m due in November) I am determined to give it my best shot. I’ve enrolled in 2 classes and have been watching all the videos I can to educate myself. I pray all goes well, but I truly think we perish for the lack of knowledge. Many young mothers don’t breastfeed because we just don’t know the details of the process. Thanks for this post, I needed to hear the raw truth as motivation!
I am totally pro-breastfeeding as well! I was only 18 when my daughter was born, but it was never a question whether or not I was going to breastfeed her. I guess for me it is a cultural thing. My great-grandmother was literally on her death bed when my daughter was 2 days ago and somehow managed to point to my breast (she had a stroke and could not speak or move one side of her body), basically saying
Anyhow, I can honestly say none of my friends that had children around my age breastfed. And most of the time it was for a superficial reason… they didn’t want their boobs to sag. Ummm, they are gonna sag anyway booboo LOL might as well nourish your child with the natural stuff we create!
Another reason young moms don’t breastfeed is because they are pretty much to formula feed. They are given formula in the hospitals, WIC checks, etc.
^^^ Two days old ***
I was 18 when I had my son and decided very early on that I was going to nurse him exclusively for as long as I could. I had a ton of support from my mother in-law and if it weren’t for her I don’t think I would have stuck with it. He was a pro from the very first latch on. And I couldn’t have been more happy and thankful! I had a lactation consultant come in, but honestly, we didn’t need her help! My baby knew how to eat and we were both really comfortable with everything. I was upset because for the first few weeks he was here we had to supplement with formula because he was very jaundice. But after that I nursed him exclusively until we started solid foods. I nursed him until a week before his second birthday, and I can say that I don’t know another mother my age that nursed for that long, or even half as long. I’m a little bit proud of myself haha.
Although I was never pressured, there wasn’t a doubt in my mind that I would breastfeed. I hear so much horror stories but my son got the hang of it very quickly. The lactation consultant at the hospital even used my son’s latch as an example. I was only sore the second day in the hospital. Since then, things have been fine. It has been 3.5 months and he only takes the bottle when I’m not around. Sometimes it makes my husband feel bad when he would like to feed his son.
I will admit that it was weird simply getting use to the feelings and dealings of lactating but its cool for me now. I am more than comfortable and do not think twice about feeding my son in public. I also don’t have a deadline for him either. I plan to take each day at a time and see when we are ready to wean.
I had my own milk factory over here. I breast fed with my daughter and I had help while I was at the hospital. The consultant even took my breast and put it in my daughter’s mouth. LOL! I’m grateful for her.
When my son was born, he was handed to me and I just held and stared at him for a bit. The nurses left and it was just me an him. He got hungry and I got to work. When the nurses came back, they said, “Oh, you’re already going.” I just smiled and said, “I’m a pro.”
After reading up on the pros of breastfeeding, I knew that was something that I was going to do and I enjoyed every minute of it. It made me feel like a hero.. or someone with an extra superpower. After all, I have the power to produce life.. but to continue to nourish and further that life made me feel amazing!
My son was born at 31 weeks by emergency c-section. It was two days after my 22nd birthday. I had developed sever preeclampsia, border line eclampsia, it’s a miracle that I didn’t have a stroke, my blood pressure was so high. I was put under for the section as they didn’t have time to wait for an anesthesiology to do the epidural. My son was obviously taken straight to the NICU, he was put on a ventilator because his lungs we still so under developed. He had a very rough start. As soon as I came too probably a day after he was born I was immediately bombarded by lactation consultants and nurses showing me all the parts to the breast pumps, showing me how to do it, explaining how important it was to give a premature baby breast milk. I was beyond overwhelmed. Trying to deal with the feelings that my body had betrayed and abandoned me, and what a terrible mother I was that I couldn’t even keep my baby inside until it was “safe” for him to come out.
I started pumping, and pumping, and pumping every 2 hours for days until I started noticing that my nipples were finally getting a little wet. It was all so unnatural. I felt totally detached from life. I was on the 5th floor mat ward for a week before being released to go home, my son was 2 floors below in the NICU, it was 9 weeks before I should even be thinking about producing milk, and I was using a machine, a cold, hard machine. Once I started seeing a little colostrum (not even enough to collect) I started to spend time sitting next to my sons icolette and pumping there next to him. I would get a few tiny beads of colostrum on both nipples, after 10 minutes of pumping I would get a q-tip and take the colostrum off with it, and rub my tiny boys lips, and tongue with that liquid gold. I done this for about 2 weeks, before I started getting about 2-5 ml each time I pumped. Just enough to feed my boy, he was getting 1ml every 2 hours, and it increased .5 every 8 hrs. Anytime he would get an infection they would hold his feeds, so my supply increased enough for me to start freezing the milk. I managed to get up to 1-2oz each time I pumped. My sons feeds were increasing as he was growing and getting stronger. He was being fed by an NG tube, so it went in through his nose and down to his belly. The closest thing I got to feeding him was holding up a syringe and letting it run down the tube, into his belly.
When he was about 8 weeks old, he developed a serious intestinal infection called NEC. Sort of like a colitis in preemies. Basically his bowls were backing up into the large intestine causing the intestine to die, and risking the bowel to perforate. If this had happened, the contents of the bowel would have poisoned him. He had an ultrasound and xray on his belly every 30 minutes to check to make sure everything was still intact while a strong medication ran its course in hopes to correct it. The surgeon was on call and checking in every half hour in case of emergency surgery to repair the bowel if it opened. His feeds were stopped to stop digestion, and they didnt feed him again for about 3 weeks. During that time of high stress, knowing that we could have lost him at anytime, my milk supply decreased significantly. There were times that I didn’t get a drop. I tried everything I could, including the highest dosage of domperidone, nothing worked. I managed to get enough to feed him for 2 months, right up to his original due date, when he was moved up from a very intensive care unit, to the nursery where he just had to grow until he could come home. He got the very best for those two very crucial first months of his life, and I did absolutely everything that I possibly could to make sure of that. I think that if my supply had lasted to the point where he was well enough to be put to my breast, that bond and extra stimulation that I needed would have done the trick and my supply would have increased.
Here in South Africa, things are different. I was 15 when I had my first, didn’t breastfeed – people told me I wouldn’t be able to manage feeding and studying to finish school at the same time. Had my second at 23, breastfeed exclusively until 4 months, then mixed b’feeding and formula when I went back to work. Breastfeed until after 2 years old. So yes, I was convinced that I shouldn’t / couldn’t at first, and wasn’t confident enough to insist.
With the young moms I work with in our support group, there’s a big difference in breastfeeding attitudes, depending on socio-economic and cultural circumstances.
The young white girls tend to be more self-conscious, hate feeding in public and in general lack confidence in mothering. Funnily enough, the more educated, the less confident.
The young black girls who have lived a more traditional, less urbanised life (not really the “middle-class” black girls) tend to be much more confident, take to breastfeeding easily and take it as a given that that’s what they’ll do. Cheaper, more convenient, and there’s also the issue that in some communities if you don’t breastfeed you’re presumed to be HIV positive.
The more middle class and educated, in general (from all communities), the more likely they are to feel inadequate and self-conscious. No stats on this, obviously, it’s just what I’ve seen.
I had my daughter when i was 21 years old , she is now 7 month old and still exclusively breastfed which I’m planning to do until she turns 10 month and then we will start with babyled weaning! We had a little bit of latching problems so the first 3 weeks we used nipple shields anf then she had no problems transitioning to the breast without shield! No drop of formula for my daughter i knew that before she was born that i would never feed her formula! She is healthier than ever over 20lbs and 28 inches tall!
That story starts off very similar to mine. I had my daughter at 20, while pregnant we took the birth, baby care, and breastfeeding classes offered at our hospital, we both knew all the benefits and and latches and techniques, and we were completely devoted to my breastfeeding her. But she came out hungry like a barracuda, at which point I learned that I had flat/inverted nipples, which made it even more painful(and bloody) to feed her. I would wince or yelp in pain every time she latched on, and every time she sucked. I got through about a month of that torture and got to that same breaking point you did and took out the breast pump for some relief.
It took a while for my scabs to heal and I found I really did prefer feeding her my milk with a bottle because it gave me the chance to have that sweet stress-free bonding moment when feeding, that my pain was keeping us from. So I continued to pump exclusively for her. I was very worried that my milk supply would dwindle, as is apparently very common for exclusive pumpers, but she was bottle fed breast milk exclusively for 13 months before my supply finally dried up. It wasn’t as long as I intended, I’d hoped for at least 2 years of breastfeeding but overall I’m glad it worked out as well as it did.
Oh also, I should mention that after a few months of pumping and using lanolin, the flat nipples did get more flexible and drawn out to the point that I think I could have breastfed with ease, only she was too fond of the bottle at that point to latch on. I know now that had I jumped right back into breastfeeding like you did, the same thing would have happened and it probably would have been fine. Wish we knew someone to tell us that at the time, but neither myself or my husband knew anyone who had breastfed in the past 20 years so there just wasn’t that much support around. What can I say, I know for next time, and to pass that info on to any of my friends who have similar problems in the future.
It’s funny, being a young mom, as the first of my friends to have a child I feel the need to do through research and practically take detailed notes so I can tell them what to expect, and offer the help and support that I didn’t really get.
When i was pregnant I was convinced I will not breast feed because the image of breasteeding in my eyes was backwards and frankly embarassing i didnt see any young people breastfeeding. However my best friend who works as a breast feeding consultant told me the benefitsof breast feeding and you could say she sold it to me. Once baby was born I put aside all the superficial reasons and tried breast feeding. My baby latched on quickley and it was simple. Now the tricky part was dealing with the inlaws who were convinced I did not have enough milk and must supliment breast feeding with formula. They were scarmongering y partner saying I was starving the baby as my reasts produce water and not milk! I stood firm and said I know my boobs more than any one of them. Its funny how when you have a baby suddenly your body is public property to be discussed at like a cow wether you have any milk or not. I igonered everyone elses old wives tales and stuck to to it and the baby got bigger and bigger so much for my water hu!
I had my babies at 22 and 23 (my kids are 18 months apart). My first baby (my son) and I failed at breastfeeding because I was uninformed on how to do it properly. It only lasted for about 3 weeks, and it was only every once and a while. I wanted it to work out so badly that it drove me to tears. I was so discouraged because I couldn’t properly feed my baby the way I felt was right for us.
When my daughter came, it was so different. I still didn’t know what I was doing, but she did. She was a natural. She had no problem whatsoever. Just minutes after delivery, she latched on without me even encouraging her. I breastfed her until she was 11 moths old, almost exclusively. At 12 months she was mostly bottle fed. I was so happy that it went so smoothly.
I’m so glad it went well the last time around, because we were having a hard time financially in 2007, and it saved so much money as opposed to the first baby. Formula is expensive.
I was 17 when I found out I was pregnant and 18 when I had my son. Everybody thought I’d be one of those mom’s who went out and partied all night and leave my mom to take care of him. They were very wrong (I didn’t do that stuff before either, so who knows why they thought this!).
I knew I would breastfeed. To me, there was no other way. I couldn’t afford not to, for one, but I also knew that breastfeeding would be the surest way to ensure that I took care of my son. I always had this fear that I wouldn’t be able to take care of him (I had plenty of nightmares about him dying!) and I knew that breastfeeding would be a built in reminder. Of course, I quickly found out that caring for a newborn was EASIER than everybody had been telling me (they all told me horror stories to try to convince me to give him up for adoption), and I also found out that neglecting a child is pretty impossible for a normal person unless you have post-partum depression or other severe issues.
Our first nursing went great at the hospital. However, subsequent nursing got harder and harder. He stopped sucking right and lost over 10% of his body weight the first two days. They made me supplement formula (BIG MISTAKE!) and it made breastfeeding even harder. The nurses were not helpful. They all just thought that since I was a teenager that I would give up. Well I didn’t.
The pain of nursing literally curled my toes for almost 6 weeks and I could barely bare it! I didn’t really have anyone to help me figure it out, so I read book after book until finally, one day, I figured out how to get him to latch on correctly. I then nursed him through a severe and very long case of mono, only giving up when he was 10 months old and I was literally starving to death (weighing 100 lbs at the lowest I recorded). I felt pretty guilty for discontinuing nursing, but I knew that I had to take care of myself as well. My doctor threatened me with hospitalization if I didn’t get my blood work into normal, non-starving ranges again. My healthy, chunky, happy little boy was just fine. All my nutrients were going to him. Today he is the healthiest 3 year old I know. He never gets sick.
I’m happy I nursed, and would do it again in a heartbeat. I really enjoyed nursing once I figured it all out. I just hope I’m healthy the next time I have a baby so I don’t have to quit so early!
I never breastfed any of my babies, I had the first at 20, the second at 22 and the third at 34. I never had the urge to want to do it and don’t feel guilty about it in any way. The thought of doing it disgusted me but that is my personal opinion.
If there was no formula to buy which people invented for profit what would a mother do? Breastfeed her baby like God intended, or let the baby starve to death?
I got pregnant at 20, and had my son when I was 21. I always knew I would breastfeed. There was never an alternative option for me, since I knew “breast was best.” I have 7 girlfriends who got have babies and all used formula. My friends are actually surprised when I tell them I’m nursing! I think it’s just a convenience thing for them. I have to say it is pretty hard if we’re out and about because I have to run to the car every 2 hours for at least a half hour so baby Dexter can eat. I’ve tried pumping, and it’s convenient, but if you’re using bottles all day your breasts get so engorged!
It was not easy at first, I even had to supplement the first night we brought my son home because he would just not latch on. I fed him within an hour of having him, then it was almost another day before he ate again. Within a week we got the latch right, and now at 10 weeks we’re doing great. Breastfeeding is NOT easy, and I admit it’s inconvenient with the current American lifestyle. However, if you are able to breastfeed, I definitely recommend it.
I breastfeed at the mall, walmart, everywhere I go, I just stop and feed, of course i use a blanket to keep it all nice and discreet.
I was 21 and in the middle of my junior year of college when I gave birth to my son. I was determined to be a “good mother” and to me that included nursing. I didn’t have much help or encouragement. So having a smooth process with latching on, milk supply etc. helped a lot. I returned to school full-time, worked with an internship….while breastfeeding. I never had an idea in mind about how long I would nurse, I was going to stop when the time was right. I stopped nursing my son when he was 18 months old.
Five years later, I gave birth to my daughter and the transition was more difficult because my daughter was a premie and was in the hospital for a month. I pumped during that time. Adjusting to her needs and nursing and working full-time was trying but I again, was determined to keep going. I had to pump while at work for milk at daycare. I did homevisits at that time, so finding the time was a challenge. I nursed my baby just past her 2nd birthday!
Breastfeeding has been by far the most rewarding experience of my life. I felt to connected to my babies. My children are now 14 and 9 and I miss being able to nurse, because of that closeness and one-on-one time. I teach parenting classes and I encourage everyone to nurse. I remind them of how important and rewarding it is for both mom and baby. It is certainly challenging and there were many days I wanted to quit, but I am so glad I didn’t.
I just came across your blog recently and I already love it. I love finding new advocate blogs for young moms, as I am one myself! I had my daughter at 20. I breastfed her exclusively for 15 months and I wrote about it on my blog (which I just started in January!) I would love for you to check it out! : http://ohheybabyblog.com/2013/03/05/the-end-of-what-feels-like-an-era/
xo, Katie