A couple weeks ago, we get a letter from our mortgage company telling us that our mortgage payments are going to go up about a $100/month for the next year because our escrow account was low. This wouldn’t be a big deal if my daughter’s tuition didn’t increase (and they didn’t move to a new location twice as far away), if my son wasn’t starting full-day preschool, if the price of gas wasn’t rising.
Then this week, one of my clients decided to suddenly NOT pay me for the work I’ve been doing, leaving me without approximately a quarter of my income for the month. (We are still haggling over this, when there should be nothing to haggle. But I digress.) It was just all combined to give me one big headache. I was tired.
It seems like every time I feel like all things are working, I’m in a groove and then there are obstacles or roadblocks to progress. I hate that. I want things to just be smooth for a while. I’ve had enough uncertainty to last me a while.
I gave myself 15 minutes on the couch to just sulk. To be mad and frustrated. To cry and ask God a few questions. My kids were upstairs playing and didn’t see my pity party.
After my 15 minutes, I attempted to get on with my day. I’m a big girl. A grown woman. A mother of two who has worked her ass off and made something out of nothing time and time again. I will survive this. It will be okay. The pressure and frustration was still there, but it was lower. I took my kids to the park and smiled as I watched them run around, happy to simply to be alive and out in the warm air.
Somewhere in the midst of my frustration I had texted my husband that I was having a bad day and quickly explained the particulars with my clients. By the time we got back from the park, my husband had brought home dinner and roses for me. I was too caught up in my feelings to properly express how much that gesture meant, but it meant a lot.
As I went to bed, I tried to be grateful, to recognize that things that happen in life aren’t personal attacks, but rather just…stuff that happens. I listened to a few “guaranteed to get me out of the dumps” songs and closed my eyes and went to sleep.
This song has been on repeat in my house. It reminds me to smile, even when I’m sad, even when I don’t feel like it, even when I’d rather punch the wall. Just smile.
Just what I needed to hear! As I’m moving to a new place (doubling my rent) and after care going up I was feeling a little stressed. So good to know I’m not the only one who stresses!
@Lisette – Yes, when bills go up, so does stress!! But we’ll make it through!
So, you’ve been in my house this week?
The entire first paragraph was like reading about my week here. The exact same money issues. The rest was exactly what I needed to hear.
It’s crazy how we let the little things get to us, isn’t it? My husband just got a pay cut and when I sat down to do our budget, our basic bills (house, car, utilities) excluding even groceries exceeded our income. Um…I guess it’s back to work for me!
I also keep this song on repeat a lot. So much so, that I can barely listen to it without being in tears. Sometimes I just have to smile through the tears, believing that everything will be okay. It’s hard to do.