An Open Letter To Mom To Be Aubrey Howard

So the 18-year-old daughter of actor Terrance Howard (you know, Hustle & Flow, Pride, Red Tails, etc) got married over the summer and is expecting her first child in a couple weeks. A writer with Clutch magazine wrote a pretty sternly-worded letter to the young bride and soon-to-be mother entitled, “Aubrey Howard, You Have A Lot To Learn.” In it, she discusses why she thinks getting married and having a baby at 18 is irresponsible and a huge mistake. To make matters “worse,” the author blasts Aubrey’s choice to be a stay-at-home mom, at least for a little while.

Let me start by saying that I understand the concern. I get it. People seem to believe that your twenties are for traveling and college and finding yourself and discovering life. Anything that deviates beyond that is seen as a mistake.

Now let me give MY perspective on the matter.

Aubrey is a soon to be young mother and at the beginning of her marriage. I was in her shoes. I know how people look at you when you get married young and bring a baby into the equation. They think they know the way your life is going to pan out, they think they know what’s best for you and your family and they shake their heads vigorously as they tell you exactly where you’ve gone wrong.

It took a long time for me to realize that their opinions didn’t matter. That what mattered was my happiness and that of my family. I had to learn to trust myself to make those choices that would benefit my family, regardless of what outsiders had to say about it.

And to say that she wants to be a stay-at-home mom? That’s even bolder. Because stay-at-home moms get little respect from the world at large, but it’s more acceptable if you are 30+, have a degree or two and have a husband who is a more than capable breadwinner. It also helps if you’re white. But to be young, just married, no degree? It invites criticism.

I do advocate (and most stay-at-home moms will back me up) that all mothers, especially those who don’t work outside the home, have something that is their own—whether it’s a hobby, a small money-making business on the side, or just a good support system to get her through the days. That is what the author should have focused on, in my opinion.

Once the baby is on the way, all conversation needs to shift to support. What do you need to be a good mother? How are you feeling? All children deserve the best start in life and when their mother is constantly being reprimanded for her choice to have you, how does that benefit the child?  

So kudos to you Aubrey and CONGRATULATIONS on becoming a mother. It will be one of the most beautiful things you will ever experience so enjoy every minute.