by Adrianne Edwards
Is being a single mom embarrassing? This was the question that popped into my mind after reading Tara’s post, “5 Things A Young Mother Doesn’t Want To Hear (And 3 Things We Do).” Although, I’m sure this same question has presented itself in some shape or form in my subconscious mind on many occasions.
Maybe the question that relates more to my life though, would be – is being a YOUNG single mom embarrassing? Looking young never seemed to be an issue – until I was pregnant and showing! I was a 20 year old that looked like I could pass for a 17 or 18 year old. Trips to the supermarket, mall and other public placesadrianne2.jpg were sometimes very uncomfortable for me. I remember the stares I use to get and I would always wonder what people were thinking.
The stares never seemed to scream, “Congratulations! You’re having a baby!” But more like, “wow, you’re having a baby?” I could tell they were all trying to guess how old I might be and what went wrong in my life!
Honestly, there were times when I was embarrassed to be pregnant. Trips to the OBGYN alone were never much fun. Sitting in the waiting room watching the other happy couples waiting their turn to be called, and wishing I could share that same bliss with the father of my unborn child always seemed like a pretty good idea.
And trips to the pediatrician – yea, it would be nice to have someone else ask the doctor questions that I always seem to forget. Or, have someone to share in the excitement of how well my son is growing and defeating the odds of his brain injury.
Is being a single mom embarrassing? A little uncomfortable at times. Like when I talk about the fact that I have a 5 year old and certain individuals from cultures where being an unwed mother is taboo, immediately ask me if I’m married. But no worries, with a smile I quickly respond, “No. But one day!”
In the last 2 1/2 years, I’ve really embraced my parenting situation. No, I do not like being a single mother but I do enjoy being a mother to my son. And, I take solace in knowing that it won’t always be this way. Tis’ life, people are going to have opinions and judgements based on what they observe and there is nothing we can really do about that. But what we can do is live our lives in a way that makes us proud and our children proud to call us their mommy!
What do you think about this question? Is being a young single mom embarrassing?
Inspired by her life as a single mother, Adrianne wanted to create a community that would empower and inspire young single mothers to live life outside of the stigma society dictates! Same Story Different Face is an online and community outlet where single mothers gain support, resources and empowerment to continue their journey as a single mother with hope, growth and happiness!
I don’t find it being embarrassing, you were handed a situation and you did the best you can with the cards that you were given. Too many people in this society always have something to say about young women of color with children.
I’m married with one kid and one on the way, and I still get looks from people that reeks of, “damn, I bet she doesn’t even know who the daddy is.” I hate those kind of stares, but I know the truth, and I know that my child is well loved.
I’d have to say that for me, I was young, 15 and pregnant and it was embarrassing for me. Even into my early twenties still being a single mom, I’d get looks or comments. When my son hit school it was the hardest for me- I graduated HS at 16 and have 4 degrees and felt good about myself and the life my son had, however when he got into school he’s be sent home with information about free thanksgiving dinners and food, the teacher told me not all children rec. them but they thought I might like the opportunity. Urked me and embarrassed me to think what others thought when they saw me.. even though in all honesty at that point I probably made more than his teacher- but she looked down at me being a young single mom with pity- I know it was all in good faith to try and help but none the less thigns like this happened all the time that made me quite embarrassed to admit my age to anyone. Even though I knew I was doing good by me and my son and we had an amazing life I still had that sting of embarrassment or rage when someone would ask if I was babysitting him for the day or something along those lines.
I wasn’t at all embarrassed when I was a single mom. Uncomfortable at times yes. The reality is that life happens to the best of us. You either roll with the punches and choose to make lemonade out the lemons or you can live your life in fear of what others will think. At the end of the day you have a child that is watching you and you don’t want to put them in a position where they feel like you’re embarrassed of them.
Hold your head up high and keep on being the great moms that you are and can be is the advice I would give to any single mom.