Source: FreeDigitialPhotos.net | Adamr
A couple days ago, my good friend Alicia posted a photo to her social media accounts of herself wearing the very shoes I had been drooling over for weeks: studded wedge sneakers.
I had convinced myself that while they were FIERCE and everything I had ever wanted, that the $110 price tag was too high. Never mind that the last time I bought shoes that cost more than $50 was when I was pregnant six years ago. Never mind the fact that my current sneakers are $7 no-name shoes I found on Target’s clearance shelves. (Ooh, I just put myself on front street there.)
The biggest splurge I make on myself is when I buy the $8 bottle of nail polish instead of the $1 bottles I tend to gravitate to. But then I thought about the lessons that Alicia teaches me through our friendship, whether she knows it or not. She knows it’s important to tend to herself. She knows that depriving herself of things she wants, whether it’s an opportunity to travel or to simply wear shoes that make her feel good, doesn’t make her a better mother.
So I took a good hard look at my finances and accepted that right now, $110 on shoes is a bit too much (read THIS post to see what I’m talking about). So I hunted around and found these for $35. PLUS I found a free shipping coupon so I just had to pay tax. I win! I got shoes that I really wanted AND I was able to stay within my budget.
I share this story because it’s not just about shoes. It’s about feeling worthy. I kept trying to rationalize why I didn’t need anything new. “Well, I can just get some shoes after we buy the kids new snow boots…new winter clothes…a new bed…a new dresser…” If I kept going down that route, it would turn into “I can get some boots right after we pay this college tuition…”
SOMETIMES, it’s okay to get in the front of the line, to get yourself something before you get EVERYTHING for your kids. Now, if your kids don’t have shoes and you’re walking around in $300 pumps, then, sweetie, we need to talk. But if they have what they NEED, it’s okay to get yourself what you WANT.
SOUND OFF: Do you have a hard time putting your needs first? What was the last item you splurged on?
AMEN!!!
This right here: “I share this story because it’s not just about shoes. It’s about feeling worthy.” I’ve wanted those shoes for the past few weeks, but didn’t get them. There was rent to pay, and then Aiden’s hefty tuition price, and then babysitting, and then his extracurricular activities, and then he needed new under clothes because he outgrew the ones from last year. And then… and then… and then…
I took care of the things that needed to be taken cared of, so I get the shoes I want. Point blank. Period. There’s nothing easy about motherhood and denying myself of something that makes me feel special (when I could afford to splurge on it) doesn’t make me a better mother. There’s no Mommy Award for being a martyr.
I’m glad that you found a pair you love. You work so, so hard and you deserve a treat every now and then!
@Alicia – Yup, I feel like I knew all that without you even having to tell me! I keep telling you that you inspire me to do better toward myself! Thanks for setting that example!
I’ve been like this since my daughter was born. But over the years, after extreme weight loss, depression, anxiety, and what recently has occurred with my mother, I’m paying more attention to my physical, emotional, and mental needs. I’ve learned that it’s ok to put myself first because after all, I have two little ones depending on me. I recently splurged for Black Friday and it was the first black friday where I actually shopped.. let alone for myself. And not one time did I feel guilty about it!
AND THANK YOU FOR THIS SITE!! I’m placing an order now.. without guilt. LOL!
@Carla – I have a hard time buying items for myself and I think putting myself so low on the list caused me to neglect almost every aspect of my well being (physical, mental and emotional). So I’ve started giving myself time outs when I feel like I’m a bit too stressed and I will usually get time to myself so I can refocus and regroup. I’m proud of you for putting yourself first!!