Is Your Child Shy Or Is It Something More?

My husband and I walked into our daughter’s parent-teacher conference pretty confident. After all, our baby girl was reading fluently, bringing home 100% marks on her math homework, and was performing well in art, music and gym. I was happy to be there and hear the praise wash over us as her teacher gushed on what a great student she was.

But then she said something we weren’t expecting. She said that while our daughter has done well academically, our daughter doesn’t speak in class. When called on, she freezes. And the teacher thought she might have something called selective mutism.

Screech.

I had heard of mutism before, but “selective mutism”? What was that?

Turns out, it’s exactly how it sounds. Children who suffer from selective mutism are usually talkative at home and with family members, but once they get into social situations like school or extracurricular activities they clam up. It is not simply shyness, but a true physical inability to speak.

I realized I had not been paying attention to the signs. Since she was a toddler, my daughter would stand silent, looking terrified, whenever other adults would approach her to talk, but she would have no problem bossing her brother around or playing with her older cousins. What I took for typical child shyness turned out to be a little more complicated than that.

Researchers from the Child Mind Institute estimate that the disorder is very rare, with 1% of children experiencing it. It is more likely to affect girls than boys and the average age of diagnosis is around 5 years old, when the child enters school for the first time.

If you suspect your child might have selective mutism, it’s important to reach out to professionals familiar with the disorder. They may recommend behavior treatment or medication in severe cases.

The first step, in my opinion, is to educate yourself. Read what researchers have found and what other parents have gone through. It may seem scary at first (your child won’t talk?) but in most cases, selective mutism is not a language disorder, but rather, deals with anxiety. The Child Mind Institute, where I first educated myself about the disorder, has amazing resources for parents. Their tip sheet has excellent advice on treatment options.

Now we have our daughter working with the behavioral specialist at the school to help her overcome her anxiety. In the weekly sessions, they practice speaking in loud and soft voices and role-playing situations where it would be appropriate to be loud (such as on a playground) or when it’s more appropriate to be quiet (such as a library). It’s only been a few months, but we’ve seen a difference!

A couple weeks ago, she had a performance at school. I was sitting there, sweating, waiting for her turn. My baby got up there and read her lines in front of a crowd of a few hundred, something she wasn’t able to do last year. I was so proud of her and thankful that we have progressed so much on this journey. I’m thankful!

 This post originally appeared on MommyNoire.com.