The “Why” And “How” Of Conquering Marriage In Your Early 20s

This summer will be my sixth wedding anniversary. On June 9, it will have been six years since we stood there and pledged to spend the rest of our lives together.

I was 21, he was 26.

I remember being absolutely giddy that I would soon be his wife, that we would be a “family” in the legal sense of the word, that I would be able to stand in front of family and friends and share why this guy stole my heart.

Looking back, I can admit that I had a very romanticized view of what marriage is.

I wanted to marry my husband since the moment I met him. I was 17 and we happened to lock eyes during orientation at my dorm. I told my roommate (later a bridesmaid at our wedding) that I wanted to marry that guy and give him lots of babies.

 

But I don’t think I went to college looking for a husband. I had just gotten out of a horrible relationship and I was looking forward to a fresh start. But when I met my husband, it was like something greater than myself was pushing me toward him. I can’t explain it, but I instantly knew that he was going to be an incredible part of my future. I had my need for independence but I also had a guy in my life that I thought was husband-material and he treated me like a queen. Literally. I wasn’t going to mess that up.

And four years later we got married.

Being married in your early twenties has its challenges. The most major one being that this isn’t 1953 and it seems like nobody gets married before 30 anymore. I hear people bad-mouth early marriage much in the same way they do early motherhood and since I’ve experienced both (and lived to tell about it!) I figured why not talk about it head-on?

Aren’t your early 20s your time for self-discovery? How do you get a chance to know who you are if you’re with someone else? 

I can’t front here. It has been a big struggle for me to carve out time to discover who I am without the added labels of “wife” and “mother.” But I am fortunate because I had the space to figure that out. I’ve been able to explore things that are interesting to me, to create a career that fits those interests, and my family along to witness my growth.

Don’t you feel like you’ve missed out on the dating scene? Partying?

Prior to getting married, I was never one of those party-til-the-wee-hours type of girls. I had been out to the club a time or two but mostly I found they were too loud, too crowded, too overpriced and filled with guys who weren’t interested in anything but how to get into our pants. Literally. The last time I went with a group of friends, a guy tried to undress my friend on the dance floor. No thank you.

What was the rush? Why get married so soon? 

We had a baby on the way and since we already wanted to get married, we went ahead and did it. We didn’t do a “shotgun wedding,” but instead, waited until after our daughter was born and after I finished college. I wanted to marry my husband because I thought he was a really solid guy.

Would you recommend that other early 20somethings get married? 

I recommend that people do what is right for their situation and their futures. I’m not a big fan of telling people how they need to live their lives or in what order they need to do things. There are definitely benefits to planning children and having all your ducks in a row before you become a parent, but this is real life and life doesn’t always go according to plan.