I’m a step-mom.
No, not like that one movie with Julia Roberts where she had no clue about how to parent, tries to compete with the birth mother and even once lost one of the kids in the park. But alike the movie, our daughter was a wedding present. And since the day I said I do, she became partly mine. That mindset and transition didn’t come overnight but once it did, it did. It was just as if I had birthed her. I love that little girl and it saddens me each day she can’t be with us. I want nothing more than to protect her, teach her things, laugh with her, celebrate her triumphs and encourage her when she’s feeling defeated. I’d love to wake up early with her to make Christmas cookies with pink icing, paint snowflakes on her little fingernails and sit up late drinking hot chocolate in our PJ’s while we watch girly holiday flicks on TV. But, I can’t help the fact that this isn’t our reality right now, nor can I remedy it. And that right there is why step-parenting is difficult.
My husband and our daughter’s mother make the primary decisions where our daughter is concerned with me putting my 2-cents in every now and then when it’s appropriate. But, she won’t be with us for the holidays this year and it kind of stinks.
Our daughter primarily lives with her mother and the situation surrounding the ins and out of that arrangement is sticky, to put it mildly. And even though she’s not with us full time its always very difficult to swallow the idea that our family won’t be a complete unit during the holidays. Not to mention that she’s being raised in a home that doesn’t celebrate holidays due to their religious beliefs. So it makes it very difficult to carve out our own special holiday traditions or even send presents if we wanted to. The situation isn’t ideal or pleasant all the time but it’s our reality — our family structure. And the interesting thing about family is it can be whatever you make it out to be.
We’ve built our family on the premise that our closeness is not predicated by our distance. Our children talk to each other regularly and love each other just as much as they would if they lived next door to one another. And even during the holidays, I know that ultimately each of them can understand that we love them and would do anything for them. They know that their love is what binds our family together even over the miles and through holidays that aren’t as ideal. As they grow, they’ll know that special times are the ones that where we’re all smiling and laughing, even if those smiles are seen via Skype and those laughs are heard over the phone.
As a parent, I want nothing more than for ALL of my children to be together for special times like the holidays but I understand that it’s not always possible. Yet, we’re doing everything we would as if she were here — we’ve hung her stocking, the ornaments that she’s made and looked through old photos from holidays we’ve spent together. Ultimately, we’re doing the best that we can with the life we’ve been blessed with. And what my husband and I have been blessed with are four beautiful faces that were fortunate enough to call our babies. And even though we may not all be together for the holidays, we’re always together in our hearts — and on our mantle.