A friend recently asked me if I was able to write down for my husband exactly what I needed from him—the tangible and intangible things that he could do that would make me feel loved, appreciated, wanted and needed. It was something that I hadn’t even thought to do but once it was presented to me I wondered, can I even make a list like that? And I realized I didn’t really know if I could. It was truly an eye-opening moment.
Years ago I knew exactly how I needed to be loved. But now, I don’t really know. what it is that makes me feel loved.
I’d love to put it on the fact that I’m a mom and I’ve changed and now I’m pretty much hard-wired to give out way more than I take in. But it’s been like this for as long as I can remember. I’m a giver by nature. Doing things for people to make them feel loved; using my gifts, talents and resources to help other people and just generally doing whatever I can to make someone’s day a little brighter brings me great pleasure. I was once told that if I had someone like me on my team, I could rule the world. But I don’t really want to rule the world. I just want to feel appreciated and loved — along with a hug, a massage, a good book and like 2 hours to myself to enjoy it all. But is that really feeling loved, or just getting a break?
We all require different things to feel loved and if you haven’t explored what the ways are that you need to be loved, it’s definitely worth finding out what your love languages are.
It seems silly even say it. It’s like saying, “Hey boo, wash those dishes and I’ll love you forever!” My first inclination is to say to know me is to love me but I suppose knowing me is understanding when I need help and the kind of help I need and for me to understand that it’s okay if the way I need to be loved has changed over the years. I’m getting older and wiser (… and finer *ahem*) and the things I needed when I was 18 aren’t going to be the things I need now that I’m 30 and they certainly won’t be the same things I’ll need once I’m 60.
Essentially, I want to be loved in a way that makes me feel appreciated and valued and if it takes somebody coming to my house, doing some laundry for me and saying, “I know you work hard and you’re doing a good job. Go take it easy and I’ll take care of the laundry”… then so be it. Love is a hard thing no matter which aspect of it you’re dealing with. Giving is hard and receiving is just as hard if you’re not getting it the way you want it. Just know that it’s okay to embrace that first, you’re worth loving and that it’s okay to take a moment and figure out how you want that love to be shown.