Why The Hell Did I Get Married At 21??

I was out at lunch with a friend recently and she asked me how long I had been married.

“Seven years,” I responded after I thought about it for a bit.

My answer stunned me. Seven years? Doesn’t seem like I’m old enough to have been married that long. Seven years married. Ten years together. I’m 28, my husband 33.

We met on my first day of college and for me, at least, it was love at first sight. We hooked up toward the end of my freshman year and just…never broke up. Sure, we had arguments and perhaps went a day or two without speaking, but somehow, we always found our way back to each other.

Now that I’ve gotten a few more years on me, I’m wondering what exactly compelled me to get married at 21. Of course, by the time we exchanged “I do’s,” we had a six-month-old daughter, but I strongly remember this unyielding desire to be his wife long before I got the news I was going to be a mommy.

Our marriage hasn’t been easy over these past seven years, but I find myself happier now than I was back then. I’ve grown and learned to appreciate my husband in his entirety. He’s not a perfect man, and he may not even be the perfect dad or husband, but he tries to make improvements in the places he falls short and I appreciate that effort.

Marriage is more than just the wedding day. I say this time and time again because in this Pinterest culture we live in, we focus on the dress, the cake, the colors and forget that forever is a mighty long time. It takes work to sustain a healthy marriage. But it’s “good” work, the same way you may have a “good” workout. It energizes you, makes you feel strong.

Looking back, I can admit my views on marriage were skewed. I thought marriage was like one long sleepover, where you stayed up late telling each other how much you love them and having lots of amazing sex every night. I didn’t anticipate the never-ending bills, the anxiety that comes with having an asthmatic child, unexpected home repairs, crazy in-laws (love y’all! lol), self-employment headaches and all the other little issues that can chip away at a marriage if you let it.

The best advice I have for any couple looking to get married is to cut your partner some slack. I was very rigid in the beginning of my marriage and took everything personally. But truthfully, everything isn’t a reflection on their feelings for you. Life gets busy, people get tired and when you live with someone day in and day out and share finances and responsibilities, occasionally you get off track. It happens.

The important thing is to breathe and reboot. You can always start over whether you’re at the beginning of a disagreement or the end of it. Choosing each other over all little petty things that could get between you — that’s marriage. That’s a good marriage.