“I Was So Busy Being A Mom I Forgot How To Be Sexy”: 5-Point Guide to Bringing Sexy Back

I’ve been getting such amazing feedback from my post on How To Have An Orgasm. I knew it would be thought-provoking for a lot of women, because often we have a hard time thinking of ourselves as sexual and that contributes to how we feel in the bedroom.

I received this follow-up message about the post and thought my answer to her might be better suited as a post of its own. Let’s dive in.

Q: The orgasm blog made want to step it up a little bit but then I realized that I have gotten so busy with life I forgot how to be sexy. I must have lost that hat while piling on the others. So can you help a sister out?

When I was dating my husband and we had no children, ooh wee, you couldn’t tell me nothing! I regularly wore sexy outfits while out and about with my boo. See Exhibit A, taken when I was 18 and we were on our way to our first “real” date. No wonder we got pregnant so fast – I was smokin’ hot!

 

But as the babies came and work responsibilities increased, I found myself favoring things that gave me comfort than increased my sex appeal. I know I wanted my husband to still think I was the sexiest woman on the planet, but my fondness for big, gray grandma sweaters (you know what I’m talking about) and sweatpants didn’t do much to make me feel like the sexiest woman on the planet. Or, hell, the sexiest woman in my neighborhood. So I had to switch up a few things.

Purge Your Closet

First, I went through my closet and got rid of anything I saw that I wouldn’t have purchased if I saw it on the rack today. Those big gray grandma sweaters? Out to Goodwill. Those XL sweatpants (which were my husband’s, but I stole them because they were comfortable)? Returned back to his side of the closet for him to wear when he cuts the grass. I might have had fewer outfits to choose from, but what’s the point of having a bunch of clothes if most of them make you feel frumpy and unattractive? I’d rather wear the same skirt three times a week when I feel fab in it, then have 5 skirts that make me look meh.

Manage Your Energy

You know what’s not sexy? Exhaustion. And that right there is probably what kills most moms in the sexy department. We’re up early and going to bed late and a whole lot of energy is being drained in between. Here’s 5 things you could try to get your energy up, but for me, the biggest energy saver is to just breathe and keep your eyes on your own life.

Spend More Time Naked-ish

I made small changes. For example, after I showered at night, I wouldn’t rush to throw on pajamas. Instead, I’d just walk around in a bra and panties (Lawd, I hate that word) for a while, until my husband saw me and then…you know. *wink* For those of us who do not like the way we look naked, spending time naked or close to it will help us get over ourselves. Maybe your belly jiggles or your thighs have cellulite. (I can raise my hand to both of those.) So what? We’ve been so brainwashed with what sexy is supposed to look like that we don’t notice that we are already it. We don’t have to wait until we lose weight or tone up or somehow get those stretch marks removed. We’re sexy now. Own it.

Sleep Naked

Since I didn’t have many “cute pajamas,” I decided to be cheap and just started sleeping naked (with a nightgown on my nightstand in case the kiddos needed me). Who needs Victoria’s Secret? Turns out, men think a naked woman is sexier than a woman in uncomfortable lingerie.

Become A Pro At Seducing Your Man

When it came to initiating sex, I had to work on that. But really, I’ve found the best way to initiate sex is to just go for it. Kiss him. Gently rub against his joystick and he will get the picture. All else fails, be blunt. My husband is a big fan of me looking at him from across the room and saying, “You are hot. Let’s go upstairs and have sex.” Nine times out of ten he’ll beat me to the bedroom. LOL.

I could give you a million things to try in order to reclaim your sexy, but the first step is simply to love yourself. Embrace how your life is now, instead of trying to chase your pre-baby sexy self or the sexiness you had 10 years ago. Love yourself as you are today.