For those who are faithful readers, you might notice the frequency of my posts have been hit or miss this summer. I’ve been dealing with my daughter’s health issues and the stress that comes with having the kids out of school, with a husband working long hours. After finally pinpointing the problem, the medicines my daughter is taking necessitates us staying close to home so it just feels like one loooong day. (Thankfully, she is doing much, much better after only one week on the medication.)
Sometimes I look back at my archives like, “How did I manage to write nearly 1,500 posts for this site when my day-to-day life is so BORING?” I’ve been dying to do a day-in-the-life video of my life as a blogger, but 360 days a year, my life is probably more boring than yours.
I wake up. I take care of my kids. I make breakfast. I write. I take them to school. I write. I pick them up from school. I write. I make dinner. Occasionally I make it to the gym. Yawn.
The truth is, I’m not living life to the fullest. Not yet. I think it’s slight PTSD from my unplanned pregnancy, when my life was flipped upside down and I found myself pregnant, poor, and unwed. I never ever wanted to feel that caught off-guard again. So I began to approach everything from a “What if?” perspective and I’m always guarding against a worst-case scenario.
I don’t go out because I want to save money. I don’t buy clothes because I want to save money. I don’t paint my nails or get my hair professionally done because I want to save money. I don’t do a lot of things normal people do because I’m always scared something big will happen and I won’t have the money to pay for it because I spent that $5 last week at Subway. (I have a very unhealthy relationship with money.)
But sometimes…you have to spend a little bit of money to have fun. I’m giving myself permission to loosen up the purse strings and allow myself to treat myself to something new or a new experience every once in a while. I’m an adult. It’s time I start living like one.
I feel like I’m half-assing it in my personal life. I work 60+ hours a week building my career, but I give myself absolutely no down time to explore some of my other interests. Lately I’ve been feeling the urge to paint, or to build something with my hands, or to learn to play an instrument. I know I have a lot to offer the world with my creativity, my integrity and my vision, but I’ve been stagnant. I want to have that fabulous adult life I’ve been dreaming about since I was a little girl. I’m nearing 30 and it’s becoming so clear that I want more for my life. I love this space I’ve carved out online, but how can I continue here if there is nothing going on with me other than brainstorming things to write? I have to actually do things, not just write about doing things.
I’ve got work to do. Who’s joining me?
Tara,
lol.
I feel you but I had to make a change. You do have a life too and the worst thing is waking up at 50 and realizing you didn’t enjoy it by doing things you enjoy as well. It’s okay to just get dolled up and go out to dinner and a movie. Even if it’s by yourself but likely there’s a mommy out there longing to get out too. Find her! Take her with you. If you ever come to Atlanta. ..it will likely be me
Thank you for this! I have been sporadic in my post as well, but for a different reason. I feel like I’m not living my life to the fullest either. I can appreciate this post for all that it is.
This. Is. The. Story. Of. My. Life.
Man I wish we lived closer to each other. I would force us to join a dance class or cooking class or SOMETHING together. But you know what the beauty of this all is? We had our kids young so when they are grown, we’ll be in our forties and we’re going to Paris!
i LOVED the honesty of this post!
Tara,
Once again this post validated how I have been feeling. About five months ago, I started doing something just for me each week. I started with getting a manicure every six weeks and if I needed my nails painted, I get it done at the nail shop for $5. That’s about 20 a month but it gives me something to look forward to and it’s just for me. I have hustled for my boys for 12 years now. I’ve made sure they have had the best, but I have not taken the same approach when it came to me. Last month, I took myself shopping because I needed/wanted something new. I am great at penny-pinching but what good does it do us to make money just to spend on our children, if we are not going to reap some of the rewards?
I love this post! I guess God is trying to show you that living a rich life doesn’t only include saving but spending on enriching experiences.
Why are you so up in my head!? So this summer has been a rough one and I’m in the same space. I’m just sick and tired of being sick and tired. There’s nothing more frustrating than having big dreams and aspirations and having trivial things standing in your way. Working hard and being slapped in the face with crap that eats up your extra earnings and then some. It’s like really universe, really that’s what we’re on?
Like you I was young, pregnant, poor, and unwed. Baby’s first year was like whoa and the next five have been an emotional roller coaster trying to be a halfway decent mama, wife, and “responsible functioning ADULT” when I still feel like a freakin’ 15 year old. I always say that I have PTSD from the first two years of being a new mama. When funds get tight, I start panicking about having to go back to food stamps. No, uh uh, not happening again.
As the season transitioned to fall this year, I decided that enough was enough and that I needed to get my life together… no distractions. No more regressing. Last Thanksgiving and Christmas were so stressful and I’m not having it again. Hell, the last two years were pretty sucky. I’m in here isolated, using the word “No”, and avoiding any and everything that does not serve me. Introverted me is loving the sabbatical.