Dear YML,
Often times I find myself making excuses for the faults and absence of my child’s father…what would be the appropriate way to address him to let him know I would like him to be more present and active in his child’s life?
I think you can make the request (“[Your child] would love to see you more often”) but ultimately it is on your child’s father to act and make the effort. You can do your part (sending him emails about your child’s school events, inviting him to the playground, etc.) but don’t feel like YOU have failed because he doesn’t get involved in the way you want him to.
The fundamental truth of all relationships, whether romantic or not, is that you can’t force anyone to do anything they don’t want to do. And I don’t know what his current excuses are, but once you make the request, you have to let it go and let him do what he’s going to do.
If your relationship has been rocky in the past, try to offer him a fresh start. I like how you called him your “child’s father,” rather than your ex. If that’s how you truly see him, then great! The relationship is about your child now and requires both of you to be on the same page with that. There can’t be animosity still bubbling between you two, or else every conversation you have between now and…forever will have tension that’s unhealthy for your kid. No matter what he’s doing, you have to let it go and refocus your energy on your child. Ask yourself what they need from you?
I know this is easier said than done, especially when you are carrying most of the responsibilities for the day-to-day care of your child. But all you can do is focus on yourself. Continue to be a loving, caring, supportive mother and be available to talk to your child when/if they have questions.