I hate my pudgy stomach. Two C-sections, countless cookies and cakes and brownies and too few hours engaged in cardio have left me feeling really full around my middle. I like my arms, my thighs, my shoulders, calves and even my butt, but my belly? That.thing.must.GO!
However, my husband will routinely put his hand on my belly and squeeze, meaning it in an endearing way, and I always freak out. “Don’t touch my belly fat!” I immediately make plans to get to the gym and sweat for an hour.
But see, I’m doing myself a disservice here. I wish I could see my body the way my husband does. He sees a woman when he looks at me. He likes my curves and all my edges (heeey John Legend), and doesn’t see imperfections. He sees me, and the way my body is supposed to look.
When I see myself naked in the mirror, I see a project. Tone those arms, lose that gut, slim those thighs. But when my husband sees me naked, he thinks, “Mine. Mine. Mine.”
It’s difficult for a woman who struggles with self-image to accept that what her man is telling her is genuine, but ladies, I’ll let you in on a little secret: when you begin to look at yourself and say, “Yeah, my body is banging, even with the cellulite,” you begin to see what he sees. You begin to see an attractive woman and all the cool things your body can do.
Men don’t look at the female form in the same way we do. Yes, they enjoy traditionally beautiful women like Beyonce or Scarlett Johansson, but “regular” women turn them on in ways we as women can’t even imagine.
So the next time your man compliments your body, don’t shirk away from it. Accept it with a smile and say, “Thank you.”
Talk to me!!! I needed to hear every word of this! I mean I see a project a need for some nipping and tucking and while my hubby (who loves the gym) will tell me what I could do to acheive what I think I want, he tells me how he loves my soft, curvy, and even dimply self! I recieve this post and all of what it has to say!
Happy Monday!
I can definitely be a little critical of my body but I don’t obsess over my imperfections as much now. I think it takes a while to get used to the way our bodies change after child birth. I like to say one good thing about myself and avoid thinking negatively as much as I can.
I am getting better about this. I struggled badly with body image as a teen because skinny ain’t cute nor sexy in the black community. My husband’s love for my body early on helped me gain more confidence in myself… that and having children. They are proof of what this body was made to do. My body has a purpose and it has rewarded me with two beautiful boys.
Now of course after having them, some things are pudgier (belly) and saggier (lactating boobs) than before, but now I’ve turned “Ugh, I need to gain weight.” to “That booty lookin’ nice. Just wait until I do some squats and start waist training.” LOL – I’m still creating more projects, but it’s all out of love.
I absolutely HATE looking at myself naked. I’m naturally skinny, have been my whole life. My boobs never showed up (ANY DAY NOW WOULD BE NICE) literally. That’s one thing I’m super insecure about. My legs are tiny and my knees point inward. I don’t know if it’s just me or because I’m skinny. Doesn’t help I slipped into a dark place over the summer and somehow managed to lose 10 pounds in one month. It literally took me about ten years to gain and KEEP those 10 pounds and now gone. Just gone. I’m so upset with myself.
My (ex) husband would say it doesn’t matter. That I look fine. I have nothing to be insecure about. But now that he’s my EX (though we’re still in the process so we still live together) I noticed before the process he only started saying it when he wanted sex. He would never compliment me otherwise. Even if I asked him to. He would just say I looked “okay”. So how am I suppose to believe suddenly I’m “beautiful” when earlier when I got all dolled up you didn’t even notice? Whatever dude.