Kids stress me out. Like, for real.
I’m always worrying. Always doing something. Always planning ahead. Always on the go.
I feel like if I let my guard down for one minute, then it’s over. Who is going to take care of my babies like I can? NO ONE. And they deserve my very best.
But lately, I’ve been stuck in what I like to call “Bad Mommy” mode. I get frustrated because the kids are being, well, KIDS and they push ALL my buttons. I say, “Come here,” they run away laughing. They call me over and over and over again, refusing to ask their Daddy for anything.
They pound on my laptop, they spill juice on the carpet after I told them to sit at the dining room table, and they run around after I tell them to stop.
They are 3 and 2 and they egg each other on, so it’s almost impossible to get them to calm down and pay attention when they get in that zone.
And I get frustrated. When I get frustrated, I get loud. When I get loud, my kids get scared. And I don’t like that.
Old school moms tell me that’s a good thing, that you gotta strike the fear of God into them when they’re young, so you don’t end up having to put them in a Scared Straight program by the time they’re 11.
But I do not like the way my daughter’s eye grow wide when my voice goes from, “Please sit down” to “DIDN’T I TELL YOU TO SIT DOWN ON THE COUCH?” I don’t like the way my son jumps and his face falls when I start doing that whole muttering-to-myself thing: “Oh, Lawd, I swear these kids don’t listen to a WORD I say…always running around like I’m speaking some other language when they KNOW they hear me…”
I write this post to tell you that I’m not perfect. Not even close. I have my days where I fall short and I do not like the mother I am at that moment. I wish I could always be patient, always be kind and loving and always know when I need to put myself in a timeout before I speak.
But I’m not always patient, and my tone can be harsh, and I don’t put myself in timeout as often as I should. I love my kids and I want them to think they have a good mom, but in order for that to happen, I need to believe they have a good mom, too, and cut myself some slack on those days when I’ve had it up to HERE.
I understand, but don’t beat yourself up. Almost every child in the world has the ability to push us moms to our limits. I thought I was the only one who felt guilty for yelling at (and with) my kids. Some days they make me want to tear their hair out. And then later on I feel so horrible for the way I reacted.
.-= Mrs. CJ´s last blog ..Busy Me =-.
LOL I meant tear my hair out. I swear that’s what I meant. Talk about a freudian slip.
.-= Mrs. CJ´s last blog ..Busy Me =-.
wow… i dont have kids yet but this is so insightful as io see some moms are scared of shouting at their kids and they end up needing to go to a scared straight school…. screaming it not always good but sometimes its necessary to get the job done(i prefer my mom scream at me than speak to me in that low tone voice that makes me want o crawl under the bed….
thank you for the post!!
We’ve all been there, Tara. No one is perfect, not even mothers, and those who claim they are perfect are generally worse than all of us who freely admit our imperfections and boiling points. There are days when I want to go hide in the bathroom with a good book and turn the shower on while sitting on the bathroom floor with a nice pillow so the sound of the shower drowns all the sounds of screaming and complaining out…but I don’t. The thing about being a mother is its a 24 hour 7 day a week job, and its exhausting and rewarding, but can sometimes drive you batshit crazy and we just gotta do the best we can when we’ve had it up to HERE. We aren’t perfect, and we aren’t supposed to be. We just do the best we can at that particular time.
*hugs* Just wait for the next hug from your little ones, or for one of them to say “love you mama” and you’ll forget why you were so damn stressed and fed up in the first place. You’ll get through it, and in the meantime feel free to complain to us, cause we know exactly where you’re coming from.
awww… I totally understand. They can make you frustrated and I only have one! Can you imagine. I think I would be close to stir-crazy with such a small age gap, so I think you’re doing fabulously! : )
Keep doing your thing and just remember when they are running in the opposite direction, they are doing exactly what they’re supposed to be doing – pushing the boundaries and being kids. Of course it makes us grit our teeth, but we probably did it too, and look how great we turned out! lol and even more importantly, our Mum’s are still sane!!! :: )
xxx
Good luck with the rest of the week hun xxx
.-= Mrs O´s last blog ..A Wifes Responsibilities in Marriage =-.
You’re right Tara…we all have our days. I think most of my bad mommy days come when i’m trying my hardest to do something that i think will benefit them…and you just want to get things right. You’re such a great example and reading your stuff makes me feel like i’m doing the right thing too by being that overachiever and balancing it with my two kiddos!
Great post Tara! I have those days pretty often when I decide to do too much. About two months ago I let it allllll go. Then recently I had a thank you session with God. Thanking Him for healthy children, a great career, a nice place to live, my own health and strength and everything else I could think of. I have decided to allow my two rambunctious boys to be boys and act like kids.
When I do lose my cool or feel it coming on, I go in the bathroom and sit there…and sit…and sit…and sit. I come out refreshed and ready to be the best I can be. If I was wrong then I admitted it to the boys and we move on. If it was warranted, I try to explain as best I can.
Tara, you are doing a fine job raising those two and don’t you forget it!
There are times when yelling is appropriate and very neccessary.
Greetings Tara and everyone else
I 100% co-sign Katie when she said: “We’ve all been there, Tara. No one is perfect, not even mothers, and those who claim they are perfect are generally worse than all of us who freely admit our imperfections and boiling points.”
In fact, I recall reading a book by Reverend Iyanla Vanzant in which she says something to the effect of “ don’t look for your errors in your children.” LOL I’m still trying hard to implement this practice in the way I’m training my child. I’ve learned that being compassionate with myself, not judging my feelings, and requiring that everyone in my family respect my quiet time or enforce a quiet time REALLY helps me from having melt downs. My daughter is strong-willed, and so I half to do this in order to avoid being harsh or mean spirited. Let’s face it: we aren’t in our mothers or grandmothers time. Work, school, and the proliferation of new vices that are battling for your hearth and home can strain the strongest of minds. Something else that comes to mind is boundaries. Motherhood/Parenthood means different things to different people. I’m NOT one of those mothers who believe its okay to suck me dry. ( I’m not one of those women either) I haven’t read any research or expert testimony indicating that setting boundaries is harmful to kids!
Peace
Soul Woman
author of homeiswithinsoulwoman.blogspot.com
I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.– Maya Angelou
.-= Soul Woman´s last blog ..Whats up Next =-.
Greetings Tara and everyone else
I 100% co-sign Katie when she said: “We’ve all been there, Tara. No one is perfect, not even mothers, and those who claim they are perfect are generally worse than all of us who freely admit our imperfections and boiling points.”
In fact, I recall reading a book by Reverend Iyanla Vanzant in which she says something to the effect of “ don’t look for your errors in your children.” LOL I’m still trying hard to implement this practice in the way I’m training my child. I’ve learned that being compassionate with myself, not judging my feelings, and requiring that everyone in my family respect my quiet time or enforce a quiet time REALLY helps me from having melt downs. My daughter is strong-willed, and so I half to do this in order to avoid being harsh or mean spirited. Let’s face it: we aren’t in our mothers or grandmothers time. Work, school, and the proliferation of new vices that are battling for your hearth and home can strain the strongest of minds. Something else that comes to mind is boundaries. Motherhood/Parenthood means different things to different people. I’m NOT one of those mothers who believe its okay to suck me dry. ( I’m not one of those women either) I haven’t read any research or expert testimony indicating that setting boundaries is harmful to kids!
Peace
Soul Woman
http://homeiswithinsoulwoman.blogspot.com/
I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.– Maya Angelou
I feel the same way. Being a mom is hard and can definitely wear on your nerves.
I feel the same way. Being a mom is hard and can definitely wear on your nerves.When I think I’m about to explode on my daughter I send her to her grandmother, go in my room, and clsoe the door for a little while.