By nature, I am a soft-spoken woman, but despite this, I am convinced my husband at times suffers from “selective hearing.” Selective hearing is when he can hear the kids just fine, he can hear the sports commentators, but my request for his help washing the dishes goes unacknowledged.
When this happens, I usually just take a deep breath and ask him again, louder this time, and he responds to whatever I’m asking him. It still bothers me that I have to ask twice for things all the time. A small inconvenience, yes, but one that bugs me nonetheless.
Last week, my husband asked me something and I was preoccupied with the kids or dinner or something else. He asked me again, louder that time. “Oh, sorry,” I said. “I didn’t hear you.”
He shrugged. “Sometimes you have selective hearing.”
What? Me? Selective hearing? No, no, no – that’s what he does to me! I know how much it bugs me – why on earth would I do that to him? After asking him to elaborate, he said that sometimes I tune him out as I’m going about my day and he sometimes doesn’t even expect an answer if I’m flitting about the house.
I honestly hadn’t realized that the same complaint I silently held could also be logged against me. How ridiculous is that?
What I decided to do right then and there was to become much more aware of my actions and how they were perceived. I also vowed to look at my expectations and alter them to fit my reality.
My reality is – I’m a busy woman. I’ve got my hands full with work, household stuff, family obligations and the like. BUT – I also have a husband that makes all of the above much easier. I should make sure he knows that my attention is on him when he’s asking me a question or simply in my presence. And it goes both ways.
Case in point – I was doing my usual flitting around the kitchen, making dinner, when I noticed that one of my measuring cups didn’t have any markings left after years of use. I muttered something softly about wanting to go buy new ones and then went about finishing dinner. The next day, my husband came home from the store with new measuring cups, when I hadn’t even known he was paying attention.
The simple act of buying measuring cups, when I didn’t ask him to – the act of tending to my needs when I didn’t expect him to – spoke volumes. We’re both doing better these days – and complaining less.
Do you and your SO have the same annoying habits? How did you fix it? How are you going to fix it?
My hubby and I are both guilty of “selective hearing.” Like you, I first assumed it was an annoying habit of his, but soon realized I do the same thing. Since I now realize I do the same thing and I don’t do it on purpose I try not to get so upset when he does it to me. We also have a habit of letting our “toys” get in between us. He love his PS3 and I can’t live without the computer. Often times we want attention at different times and someone ends up annoyed. My hubby make it a point to ask if I’d like to do anything with him sporadically throughout his gaming sessions now. I’m still working on myself…LOL.
♥ SailorWifey
Hi ladies! I am a young mother finishing my college degree and I am an avid reader of this blog. It would be amazing if you could help my with a class project by filling out this survey about shopping!
https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/J8MYXH5
Thank you so much!
<3 Ariel
This post really hit home! My husband and I both are guilty of selective hearing. While I always knew about my husband’s issues with hearing everything that comes out of my mouth, for the longest time, I was in denial about my own issues. We are learning how we communicate best and working through things, however. And, I think our marriage is better for it.
FYI I am writing a post later this week on this myself. Studies have shown that equal coparenting leads to more conflict. This is why, I have instead focused on my husband’s strengths instead of weaknesses. He hates doing dishes, washing bathrooms, etc. But he doesnt mind cooking, vacuuming and reading to our daughter, so sometimes, I just let him do that and focus on things he wont do. But I share thesame sentiments with you, I get angry because somehow I am the one left with the bulk of the job, work and caring for the kids. But let’s face, we are wired that way. Honestly, I am just taking life as it comes…..nagging less, bribing him to do more work around the house and praising him when he does something thoughtful. Life my dear must go on. Nice post
That is romantic in a very simple way. I hope to have an attetive husband like that one day.