This week I’m dealing with some pretty heavy stuff in my offline world. I won’t go into specifics, but I will say that everyone is fine and with a bunch of prayer and a little bit of time, everyone will be as good as new.
What I want to talk about today is depression and how if left unchecked, it can cause irreparable damage to you and the ones you love.
As mothers, we take on a lot. We give up our privacy and go to the bathroom with a little one staring at us or asking when we’ll be finished. By the time we finally sit down to the table, our food is cold. We stay up late with the babies, then muddle through the next day cranky and sleep deprived.
In the larger scheme of the world, those are the smaller issues. Those are slight sacrifices that you make during the course of a day and you manage.
But then there are the big sacrifices. Opting not to go to college but instead to get a job that enables you to pay the bills because your little one needs food, right? Opting not to take risks with your career because that paycheck is the only thing that keeps the roof over your head. Spending your last bit of money on your kids, always, never mind the fact that you haven’t been on vacation since you were 8. Running yourself ragged day in and day out to make sure your crew has everything they need. Putting your dreams and interests to the side – to the point where you look in the mirror and wonder, “Who is that?”
If you see yourself in any of those scenarios, I don’t write this to be mean or to make you feel bad about yourself.
All I mean is that we can no longer do this. We can no longer forget who WE are. Who we were before we had children.
It’s fine if your priorities shift when you have kids. That’s good. It’s normal. That’s what’s supposed to happen.
But if we get to the point where our lives are running off the rails, we’re drowning and no one notices or knows what to do – where does that leave us?
Maternal depression is very, very real. Young mothers have a higher than usual risk of having postpartum depression and I know for a fact that we aren’t getting treatment as often as we should. I know I didn’t. What happens when it’s left unchecked and we simply struggle through it day after day? Too many of us are walking around harboring this silent burden and we don’t know what to do or where to turn.
Some symptoms of depression include:
difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions
fatigue and decreased energy
feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness
feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism
insomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping
irritability, restlessness
loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable, including sex
overeating or appetite loss
persistent aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment
persistent sad, anxious, or “empty” feelings
thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts
If you feel like you are at the point where you need help, please reach to someone you know and trust. If there’s no one in your personal life that you feel you can talk to, there are programs designed specifically to help you with your concerns. Check out this list of women’s mental health treatment programs. If you are having suicidal thoughts, please call the suicide hotline at 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) or 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).
Know that we are here for you as well. Please don’t feel like you are alone in this.
I think I only went through depression in my younger mommy days when I was listening to what society thought I should do. I have always been a SAHM/housewife and others urged me to work or even go to college. I did neither because it snapped into my head one day that I am doing what I was created to do. I am happy and full because of it. I still think that parents who suffer quietly with depression really owe it to themselves (and family) to get some help. My husband battled severe depression for many years and finally learned to overcome it with help from the doctor. It’s a tough road and you can’t do it alone. Great post!
@Shelly – I love your comment. It’s not about what society tells us to do – but what we feel would be best for ourselves and our families. I am also glad to hear your husband has come through his depression swinging. It’s an uphill battle for sure, but I think once we commit ourselves to focusing on ourselves and our mental health, the struggle becomes easier.
Depression is so real and is so overlooked. In most instances, Mental Health has the same stigma that is associated with the plague. Having this blog as an outlet has helped and encouraged me to ask for whatever it is I need, whenever I need it. Taking time out for ourselves is sis one piece of advice that young and older mothers should be given when they leave the hospital with the baby. Great post as always!