At my daughter’s school, the 100th day of school party is pretty epic. They had 100 feet taped to the floor leading up to the door of the classroom, 100 helium balloons filling the classroom, 100 day trail mix, 100th day piñata, etc. Like I said, it’s epic.
I volunteered to go up to the school at 5:30 a.m. to help the teacher blow up the balloons and get the classroom ready for the day. A couple of other parents also volunteered and I was looking forward to getting a chance to talk to them one-on-one without the kids around to get to know them better.
One of the moms and I sat on the floor to tape the 100 feet on the floor in the hallway leading up to their classroom door. We began talking about our kids and whether we’re morning people or night owls. It was a great conversation and I almost forgot it was 5:45 in the morning and I was somewhere other than my bed.
I began talking freely, “Well, I’m 26 and…”
While I was talking, I was mentally thinking, Crap, I told her my age.
I’m pretty sure most of the parents know I’m substantially younger than they are. Most of the parents have their youngest in kindergarten this year, making them a good 10-20 years older than me. Which is fine. They’re all genuinely nice people and have shown nothing but kindness to me and my daughter.
So why was I so freaked out about my age getting out? What is the big deal of people knowing I’m a young mom? I’m always talking about Facebook and Twitter and they know I have a serious addiction to my iPhone. When I’m waiting in the pick-up line after school, I’m usually the only one listening to Beyonce in the car. Heck , I just look young, barely passing for 16 or 17 (on a good day).
I guess my fear is that if they know exactly how old I am, they will do that mental calculation and begin to wonder. What was my life like before kids? Why have kids so young? And so on and so forth.
I realize it’s dumb. And that being 26 with a five-year-old doesn’t automatically make me a bad parent and I’ve never given anyone any reason to think so.
And when you think about it, it’s really only young parents who deal with this. Do 30something or 40something mothers worry that they may be seen as incompetent solely based on their age? Nope. With age comes wisdom, or so they say (or at the very least the benefit of the doubt).
I know some young mothers have a strict policy of not revealing their age to their kids’ teachers or coaches. Where do you fall in the discussion?
OK, so i’m not a young mom, but this happens to young dads too. I’m 31 and many people think that i’m still a student at the university where I work. When people learn that I have a 13 year old son, their eyebrows go up almost as if they mean to take flight from the faces of those to whom they are attached. It makes me laugh. By the time they learn these things about me, they usually know, to some degree, the person that I am. With that in mind, i don’t so much worry about what they think of me as a parent. I could be wrong, but I get the idea that they are just more taken aback that I have a teenager when some of them have infants and toddlers themselves.
Either way, I have to keep on being the dad that I am so I don’t really give too much thought to what their opinions may or may not be. They get a cursory evaluation at best when a visceral reaction appears on their faces then I laugh on the inside at those facial contortions and looks of confusion and keep it moving.
In the beginning I did not, mainly because no one asked and like you I look younger than my age. If they were going to make assumptions they probably already had, but I have only had negative young mom comment from one preschool teacher. She assumed my daughter wouldn’t be able to respect her teachers since her parents were young. Evidently her mindset came from past experiences.
Now my girls tell everyone my age. At first I didn’t like it, but I have gotten use to it.
I try not to tell my age, but since I look younger than I am, I can see the wheels turning in their heads. My youngest is in Kindergarten and her classmates are usually the oldest of their siblings. My oldest is in middle school and I stand out more there than at the elementary school. I keep it to myself. I let my daughters represent all the work that goes in here. My age is a nonfactor. And they are proving it and doing me PROUD!!
I also freak out about my age but girl you have nothign to freak out about you were old enought o have a child. I on the other hand have a 12 year old and a 6 year old and am only 27!! That’s why I freak out about giginvg up my age but I’ve learned to just come out with it rather than to see them calculating it in their heads and then that “oooo your one of those teen mom.” looks. Truth be told. I may have had a child young, making piss poor decisions, but I also graduated HS early and have 3 degrees, working on a 4th so now I’m pretty okay with it. I may of had a child young but I’ve done more than most who waited to have their children until they were older, so does it really matter? I’ve just learned to srta get it out of the way, because I too look like I’m 16 or so I’d rather than have my age up front then have it weighin on me having them wander or asking question.. lol trying to figure it out without bluntly asking.
I do feel your pain though, often I just flat out make it a comment and say yes I had a child at 15, but I am in a great relationship and have a wonderful life. I often fee when they find out how young I am they think I must of had some troubled messed up life that’s when no where. But that couldn’t be further from the truth.
@Lacey – Yeah, I think most of my insecurity (if you want to call it that) is because I look so darned young. When I was in the hospital having my daughter, all the nurses and janitors and EVERYONE kept coming past my door because they all thought I was 12, having a baby. When I told them I was 20, magically, the “paparazzi” went away…
Whether it’s your age, race, hair, clothes, job or education, people are always going to find something to judge you about. So I have worked very hard to accept myself where I am and not worry about what anyone else thinks.
Of course this is easier said than done, but as my hubby said this morning: there is great freedom in not caring what everyone else thinks of you.
Live for an audience of one: God.
YES! MOmmy to the Max!! SO true!!
While Im not that young, living in surburbia America places me around those moms who are older than me. I am 31 with a 6 and 4 year old and it seems like most of my children’s classmates have parents that closer to 40 than 30. Since I dress very trendy, can sometimes pass for about 25 and dont “look” like a mom, I often get the looks as well. I can always tell that people are trying to figure out how old I am. Even at work, when the mommies talk around the water cooler Im always the baby of the group. They kind of look at me like, “yeah what do you know?” So no, it doesnt stop when you are in your 30s. As Mommy to the Max stated, there is always going to SOMETHING to judge you on. So keep on rocking out as the great mom that you are! And my aunt always taught me that lady NEVER tells her age 😉
I’m 27 years old. Unless I’m asked, I don’t. It’s not that I mind my age, or mind others knowing how old I am, but that once another adult – particularly a teacher, one of my son’s therapists (he is autistic), or a healthcare provider – knows my age, they do the math and realize that I was 20 when I had my first child (and thus 19 when I got pregnant), they suddenly treat me differently. As if I am naive. Ignorant. Inexperienced. And dare I say it…stupid. Poor. Deprived. Disadvantaged. The list goes on. Nevermind the fact that I was a second mother to my younger brothers (they’re 11 & 13 years younger than me) because my mother was a single mother who worked full-time; nevermind the fact that I have been overly mature and responsible for my age since I was a child; nevermind the fact that I was living on my own when I was 18; nevermind the fact that I make over $50,000 *on my own* each year. All they see is that I was a 20 year old first time mother, and thus I am lowered in their eyes.
Besides, I have enough to be unfairly judged on (short, partially hot pink hair; a love for bright/neon colors in clothing and jewelry; chunky silver jewelry; and lots of glitter). 😉
I am 30 with a 15 y/o daughter. I try not to tell my age to anyone. If I do, I say that I am 36 0r 37. I don’t look 36 or 37, but I think that I seem older than I really am. I tell them that I am older because I do not want to have to answer stupid questions or subject myself to dumb comments.
I have always been very happy to tell my age for many reasons. My outstanding children are proof that young parents can raise remarkable kids. I am still the youngest mom at the high school and I am proud of it! Most people still think my daughters are my sisters. Of course having an almost 4 year old now, I will be one of the older parents when he goes to school. We shall see what that’s like! I still feel like I was a way better mother when I was younger.
I don’t tell my age unless necessary because I want to be taken seriously. Like if I’m asked about life before Jayden, because you know older moms have careers and stuff before having children. So I have to back peddle around the fact that I had a child at 21 and didn’t finish college (not because I was pregnant), but life’s perfectly fine as is. Awkward. But for some reason people seem to think that Greg and I are much older than 24 and 25. *shrug*
I’m sure this happens to mothers of all ages but i hate when you take your child to the emergency room or to their regular doctor they prescribe something and then catch attitudes when you want to further discuss treatment and medications.’Im the type of mother who looks up everything on WebMd.and discusses at length everything that i think could be wrong based on the symptoms my child has.If they don’t like it, tough.Your not just going to give my daughter anything and expect me to walk out satisfied.
I don’t know if it’s just me, or maybe this happened after I crossed the 30 threshold, but my age almost never comes out of my mouth, not because I’m trying to hide it. I just don’t know why, unless I was filling out something at the doctor’s office or for Human Resources, anyone would be asking “How old are you?”
Where I do feel strange sometimes is when people ask how old my kids are. I often get the “You don’t look old enough to have a 12-year-old!” to which I usually say thanks and still don’t give my age. I just get mad when I actually see people doing the math. I don’t know why someone would be so concerned with how old I was when my child was born.
I got married at 20 and had my first child at 22. It doesnt bother me at all that I might be younger than the other mothers….I am confident withe my capabilities as being a good parent I don’t worry what others think. Someone is always going to think something no matter what. So I wouldnt worry what others think.
I usually let people make their own assumptions simply because at the end of the day they will do that no matter what I say. No one knows my age unless they ask and I choose to tell them, I don’t have anything to prove. My son is well taken care of, very polite, loving, loved, knowledgeable and a good reflection of how my hubby and I are raising him at home. If anything I let the actions speak for how young I appear to be to others.