by Latonya Moore
My mom gave birth to me ten days after her 14th birthday. There were times during my youth that I resented her for being such a young mom. I mainly felt this way because of her absence, and I believed her being absent was caused by her lack of maturity.
Growing up as a child of a child, there were many things I took away from our circumstances, but there are two things that stood out the most.
- Find support and be willing to listen to those that are offering advice. Support is a key factor when dealing with the stresses of motherhood. I did not have a support system when I gave birth to our first daughter. Many days I was confused, and felt I had to go through motherhood alone. Of course, you cannot do everything that someone may suggest, but being able to discern and hold on to the good advice will help you make better decisions. My mom shared with me that there were women {teachers} that tried to help her, but she was too focused on doing things her own way rather than heeding to their advice.
- Do not feel guilty about your circumstances. Whether it is being a young mom still finding herself or a single mom doing it mostly alone, try not to let guilt override your thinking. My mom would feel guilty about not being there, and would try to buy my love whether through things or letting me have my way. None of us want bratty children so we must continue to discipline and guide them. When I was younger, I would always tell myself that I would much rather have her be available to me and give me her time than any of the other stuff she tried to give me.
These two things held true when I became a mom at 22. I had many internal battles; some were related to my own upbringing and some just came with the motherhood territory. It was when my daughter was three that I realized that I needed to find support and stop feeling guilty because of my own childhood loss.
In order to get a grasp on motherhood, I first started believing in myself and began trusting my own instincts. I joined local mommy groups and reached out to a few family members {primarily, my mother-in-law and a cousin}. As far as getting over the childhood issues, I sought help from a professional counselor. She helped me believe in myself even more, and helped me sort through my childhood losses. Today, I can say that I am a great mom. I do still make mistakes and question myself, but I believe those things are necessary to make me become an even better mother.
Latonya Moore blogs at Little This…Little That.