I got an email late last night from a woman with the subject line, “I need help.” Of course, I opened it.
Inside the email were the long, rambling thoughts of a woman who is pretty obviously depressed and unhappy with all aspects of her life. The pain and the suffering was pretty apparent and when you can convey that simply through words on a screen, well, it’s pretty clear that it’s a cry for help.
I’m always in awe when people decide to email me and pour out their heart and their troubles because that takes either 1) a lot of guts or 2) no real options. Because who am I? Do you really know me besides what I write on this blog?
I’m not a licensed therapist, but I do know what hopelessness feels like. So I wrote her back, encouraging her to stay strong. Here’s her abbreviated email to me, and my response. If you have any advice, words of encouragement, e-hugs, be sure to leave them in the comments so she can see it!
To: Young Mommy Life
How do I find the strength to continue to go on. Im hurt and alone. Nothing in my life for as long as I can remember has been great. Its been a constant struggle. My oldest child stresses me out and has been a dissapoint in many ways with his grades & behavior in school. Im always struggling financially. I can never seem to get ahead. Im tired! I want to give up. What have I been holding onto… I fight & fight & for what? Im not going to ever find anyone who loves me & wants to be here for me & be by my side. Im ugly, fat & I dont have this banging body. I dont have the
booty men want or big boobs. My whole relationship with him no one has never even tired to talk to me. So he was all I had no its gone. I dont have any friends. Im alone always. All Im ever around are my kids. My life sucks. No matter how much I pray for a better life. I always get slapped in the face by reality that Im not the kind of person who is deserving of nice things, good life and love.
Sincerely,
Lost
To: Lost
You find the strength to continue in knowing that you ARE deserving of nice things. You DO deserve a good life. You DO deserve love in all its forms.
First thing I want you to do is to realize that you may need to talk to someone. Because obviously, I’m just a woman with a laptop and I don’t know the particulars about your situation. If you could talk to a pastor or a counselor or really, anyone who can help you put the pieces of your life together in a way that brings you greater joy, then do that.
What I will say is that your email to me signifies that you want to make some changes in your life. But you’ve got to believe that you’re worth it. You’ve been beaten down by life, but you don’t have to stay down. You can get up and make changes to live the life you’ve imagined. Be strong and then stay strong.
Believe that you are worth it!!!! Who filled your head with those thoughts that you are ugly and fat? I don’t know you, but I bet you’re not ugly or fat. But it doesn’t matter what I say, it only matters what you think. And negative thoughts can beat us down and keep us believing the lies.
I’m not sure how old you are, but I know you’ve got time to turn around any area of your life that you are not satisfied with. But you need to bring in a support system who can help you. Can you work with your son’s teachers to improve his behavior? Can you reach out to another mom in the community and set up a babysitting swap? Perhaps you watch her kids and then she’ll return the favor and watch your kids.
You say you are struggling financially – do you need more education to get a better job? Perhaps you qualify for student loans and can get a certificate or an associate degree? Are you getting child support? These might all be suggestions that you’ve thought about at one point or another but my main message is that there is a way out of the pain you feel right now.
My main message to you is to hang in there and to replace these negative talk about yourself with positive, loving phrases. You’re worth it. *HUGS*
What else would you add to my message?
This is a great response to her. I’m I’m feeling down, I keep in mind that hopelessness and happiness both lies within me. If I don’t like something about myself, I look to change it. Evaluate why I’m changing it, and make sure that it is really for me and my best interests.
Depression and negative thoughts are contagious, anyone around the down person would be down and act out, but all it takes is one simple change, one positive thought, one conscience move that makes today better, and slowing things starts to turn around.
If there is no way, find a way.
Dear Lost,
Right now it may seem like everything is against you. But don’t give up. If you continue to hold on and stay strong you WILL come out of your situations. And when you do you are going to have a heck of a testimony to share with others during their time of struggle. You may be going through things in order to come out of them just so you can help others in the same situation. Right now I am going through a lot too. And there have been so many days that I have wanted to give, but I can’t. If I do then I won’t be able to help others later on down the line.
Your test is your testimony. Your mess is your ministry. Your sorrow is your story.
And you have to make it through in order to share it. God Bless!
You couldn’t have said it better!! I just went through a rough patch and what got me through is prayer and looking at Joyce Meyer’s daily.
I would also recommend reading books on changing your mindset and your thoughts. Instead of looking at what you don’t have focus on what you do have.
Try reading:
Joyce Meyer’s: The Battlefield of the Mind
Joyce Meyer’s: The Confident Woman
Valorie Burton: Successful Women Think Differently 9 Habits to Make You Happier, Healthier & More Resilient.
TD Jakes Help I’m Raising My Children Alone
Finding a source of spirituality, support groups, and surrounding herself around other women (people) that are goal oriented and positive. I do not have a Ph.D, but I do have a lot of knowledge and experience in feeling uneasy about life situations. I truly hope that she knows that she is never alone and that help/support is closer than she thinks.
Dear Lost,
My heart pours out to you. First, I would like to recommend to you the best source that I KNOW who can positively bring you out of your current situation, and get you and your child on the path to happiness. His name is JESUS!! I encourage you not to keep up and keep on praying. He has not given up on you. Have faith and believe that your storm won’t last for always. Our Father hears you, and is already working it out for you and your kids. Pray and Believe and watch how He works it out in your favor. Secondly, I think the young mommy gave you some great advice. Know that God made each of us to be perfect in His image. That means you are beautiful…no matter what. You don’t have to look like the girl next door or a magazinecover model, we all have our own unique features, get a mirror finds yours and work it! Please know that we all go through ups and down with our kids, and sometimes it seems more than you can bare, but it is when you get to this lowest point that God will pick you up, because He promises to put no more on us than we can bare. Take this time to love yourself. Figure out what you like doing, and do it. Pamper yourself. Once you learn to love yourself, God will bring along the person who will love you the way you deserve to be love. In the meantime, do something you always wanted to do, take up a college course or volunteer at your child’s school. This will keep you busy, while giving you a chance to learn and love you. Good luck, and many blessing.
We must remember that sometimes people don’t have extra finances for books or health insurance for a therapist. Also, as a Christian, I must remember that it’s easy to say people need Jesus or to tell them to pray about it, but sometimes they don’t understand what to pray for or they feel like they have prayed to no avail OR maybe the answer to their prayers lies in reaching out to Tara and her blogging community. We need to learn to provide people with tangible, user friendly and self-sufficient advice. First, I would suggest that she changes her thought process, tell her to start to think about her positive attributes, her goals and dreams. Think about the person she hopes to be instead of the negative things that have happened to her. Next, I assumes that she has a computer so ask her to check out the following link for affordable or even free counseling services: http://www.nmha.org/go/find_therapy. In the event she is suicidal, then she should call
1-800-273-8255. Also, Tara since she reached out to you, would it be possible for you to provide a support system for her? Maybe you could reach out once per week and hold her accountable for acting on her unhappiness with small changes. For instance, did she reach out to her son’s teacher to come up with a behavior plan, suggest she write down her dreams, goals, aspirations and positive attributes on paper just to make them more real. Did she check into any academic or training programs in her area? She’s in a place where she needs to act and see immdediate change no matter how small.