A couple times when I was growing up, my parents would take turns going on strike when they got fed up with the laziness my sisters and I exhibited. They’d toss their hands in the air and loudly proclaim, “That’s IT! I’ve had it! From now on, you will cook your food yourself and clean up after yourself because I am not doing it.”
And they’d hold steady for a few days but by the end of the week the strike would be unofficially over and we’d go back to normal.
Fast forward to my life today.
I can admit (we’re friends, right?) that I have been guilty of babying my children. I have done things for them that they were capable of doing, just because I could do it faster or we were in a rush or because I just felt like it. This includes things like picking up their toys that are strewn all over the living room at the end of the day, or helping them put their shoes on as we’re heading out to run errands.
But I’m getting better. Since I recognized that my overeagerness to help might hinder their development, I’ve taken a step back. My kids sometimes pack their lunches, they get themselves dressed in the morning and they fold clothes when we do laundry. I’m working on getting to help with keeping the kitchen clean because Lord knows that is a struggle for me.
I think I’m doing okay because my children are 5 and 4. I’m glad I’m starting now because what if I waited until they were teens to try to make them pull their weight?
Then I might be like Jessica Stilwell, the mom who is making news for chronicling her recent strike on her blog. She has three children (12-year-old twins and a 10-year-old girl) and was frustrated by how quickly her house would get dirty. So she quietly went on strike and was shocked at how disgusting her kids would get. She uploaded a few pictures of the house as it began to fall apart. See a few below and the rest at the Huffington Post.
Some folks (most notably the people from Mommyish, where I first learned about Stilwell) criticized her for allowing her kids to be “slobs” in the first place.
Eve Vawter wrote:
If you need to go on strike to prove to your children that they need to help out around the house more you are DOING IT WRONG….One day these boys will grow up and become husbands and fathers. I’m not going to raise some assholes who expect their wives or girlfriends to pick up their dirty underwear or do all the cooking and cleaning. These humans I am raising need to be good humans. Part of being a good human is wiping your urine off the floor if you miss the toilet.
For the most part, I agree. We DO need to be teaching our kids that this is OUR house and everything runs more smoothly if we all pitch in. Does it make her a bad mom because she didn’t start assigning chores at birth? No.
What do you think? Have you ever gone on strike? Did it work? How do you handle the chores in your house?
Never had to go on strike and don’t ever plan on it. As parents it’s our responsibility to make sure it never gets a point where we have to go on strike. And from looks of the pics it doesn’t look like the kids or husband cared that she wasn’t cleaning up anymore. They seem to be content living in filth. So, that makes me question how effective going strike is.
I’m teaching my kids now that cleaning the house is not just mommy and daddy’s job. It’s everybody’s jobs. Moo doesn’t have the option to not pick up her toys or not help with simple chores. I make sure she knows being part of this household means pitching in. I’m not saying Jessica is a bad mom, but she does have to rein in her kids and reprogram their thinking or else this will just keep happening.
I went on strike once. Mine is 9. The strike lasted only one day but he was terrified by the end of that 24-hour period because he began to realize how tough it is to be me, a single parent. I have been teaching him ever since he could walk to pick up after himself, which was definitely the routine at daycare. Now I leave him very little room for having the place in any type of mess. I will have “do-overs” if there is time. If something isn’t done correctly, he has to do it again. I feel that boys have to be pushed more to understand the role of caring for a home. I told him (seemingly a million times) that living with someone means you have to pull your weight, and it’s not just “Mommy’s job” to do these things.
I have always made the bold statement in my house that I am about to go on strike. Seriously, I might even say it once a week. The problem is, I am never bold enough to go through with it. Being a seasoned homemaker and a control freak makes me chicken out. I still end up doing everything that does not suit me. My daughters are teenagers and do take care of what they are responsible for but I don’t make them do as much as I did even when I was younger than them. I think growing up in the culture that I did, it was demanded and expected that from a young age, you had to take on a lot of responsibility. Although I am grateful that I know how to function well in the kitchen and home, I missed out on having a childhood. I have had to find my own way of not allowing history to repeat itself. My husband thinks I let the kids get away with too much and that I baby them. I admit, I do. I am working on it. I know this much, I do my best. At the end of the day, my family shows their gratitude for what I do for them. This lets me know that in all the mountains of dishes and piles of laundry, I am doing something right.
I won’t be surprised if I call a *strike* before this week is over! HAHA!
I’ve never gone on strike per se but there are days when I relax my standards a bit and allow things to not be SO neat so I can rest for a day. The good thing is I was blessed to have boys who WANT to clean (especially sweeping) so if anything, I have to argue with them to leave the broom alone and stop playing with it! Also, for the most part, my husband’s high standards doesn’t allow him to leave the house looking crazy so he’ll usually pitch in a little bit if he notices I seem more tired than usual.
My little one is way too little to go on strike from but occassionally I go on strike with my husband. I dont necessarily say I am going on strike but I go on a silent strike…I wont wash the dishes then eventually he will get the picture. Sometimes you dont have to make a big announcement, your actions will show “you need to help out around here”!
Yep and yep. But not how you think. The part that “worked” was for me, not my children.
The root cause of the anger directed at our “lazy” children is fear. Fear that we are being manipulated or taken advantage of by these pint-sized versions of ourselves. Fear that we did not do our best to rear them and teach them what they need to make it in this world. Or fear that we did teach them, but they may not “get it.” And I don’t know of too many parents who are thrilled about entertaining the possibility that the kids may not leave the nest at all.
Through several phases in a child’s life, there are times when the “newness” of one stage of development takes precedence over what they are used to as being “normal.” Like a child starting school is focused on remembering classroom lessons and classroom rules. So things may not be kept up with, like hats, gloves, books, chores…
I can appreciate Eve Vawter’s rant because it shows that she is human. I do not think I would have posted the pics, however. Publicly humiliating the children can prove to be counter-productive to their well-being. She states, “These humans I am raising need to be good humans.” How do you become a “good human?” Weren’t they born “good humans”?
This message may be better conveyed to the children if they are reassured of their worth. Positive reinforcement boosts the self esteem. When all of us feel better about ourselves we choose better for ourselves. And many of us parents know we have to OVER-communicate; meaning there is a lot of repeating ourselves going on, whether we like it or not!
Am I a ‘perfect parent’? No. Are my children perfect? No. But I have had some experiences that I have learned from. And one of the biggest fears I have faced as a parent is wondering, “Did I do everything possible to make sure my babies have everything they need to be successful and happy in life?” But even with that there comes a time when they will make their own choices and learn from their own mistakes. And it won’t always be easy. And it might hurt. A LOT. But ya gotta Love being a parent!